Fuck buddy wanted

So way back a long loooong time ago when I was young & full of the silly notion of true love, I had a friend and said friend had a fuck buddy. I have to confess, I was a little shocked by this, but kind of intrigued for all it was just so not something I could comprehend at that stage in my life.

Ironically, this friend is now happily married and has been for some time.. I’m divorced and have been for some time.

So I am wondering, is a fuck buddy (for all I dislike the term) the ideal arrangement for a woman in my ‘place’. (Let’s not dwell on my place k .. damned if I know where that is hahah)

But I DO need to know: What is a fuck buddy?

Are they someone you know / a friend that you shag?
Are they a shag you like enough to get your kit off for?

And how does one “fall into” the fuck buddy space?
Other than the obvious!

I mean come on, work with me here .. Let’s set the scene in a local bar:

“Hey babe”

“hello there” ..

“What’s your name?”

“Janey”.

“So Janey I’m Mike, what’s up?”

“I want a fuck buddy, someone I’ll have romping sex with but nothing more, you in?”

Mm… as usual, I need your help people .. how does this work? DOES it work??

Surely you’re gonna get fucked on eventually because (last I checked) in order to sleep with someone, there must be a bit more than a passing “they don’t make my skin crawl”.

Therefore a fuck buddy is just a title for a relationship when you think you’re not having a relationship!?

About lifeinthefarcelane

Giving life the shake down it so richly deserves.

Posted on October 15, 2011, in Humour and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 38 Comments.

  1. OracularSpectacular

    Well, you’re in luck because I happen to be very experienced in this area.

    A fuck buddy is not someone you approach in a bar. Generally speaking, they are already your buddy before any fucking occurs. Essentially it’s like this: neither of you are interested in a relationship – at least not with each other, but you still have all your natural urges. One night, generally speaking after a few too many, you look at each other and say something like “hey, you’re not an entirely hideous looking member of the opposite sex” to which she hopefully says “i was just thinking about the fact that being male you’ve probably got an average sized penis under those khakis” *note: this may not be how the conversation actually goes but it is what you will both be thinking.

    Before long, you will be having drunken monkey sex on the kitchen floor.

    A word of warning, this almost never works out well, I’ve tried it numerous times. Pick a friend you’re willing to possibly lose as it just might happen.

    • Now you realise I am going to be too scared to drink with any slightly attractive male friend of mine for ages now while I assimilate this!? *grins* Munken Dronkey sex sounds fun tho ..

      And yes, as you say – pick a friend you’re willing to lose. Bloody big choice isn’t it.

      Maybe I should just go for a one-night stand. Yeah cos that sorta first time drunken sex is always the best (snort) .. I guess it’s like when you cook a meal for people and you’re drinking .. have them drink at the same speed so they don’t notice how bad the meal is?

      • Gosh, sounds like so much hard work and too much emotional baggage attached.

        Why not just get a vibrator?? :) Guaranteed satisfaction and batteries are replaceable, but not friendships.

    • Old thread, I know.

      Simply put, a ‘friend with benefits’.

      Doesn’t always work (ok, it rarely works), but has for me – once. I wouldn’t try it again, though, and would only recommend it to someone with a heart of steel.

      As it turned out, he was the one who frantically clawed his way back to our friendship and made it stick, when I was ready to call it a day.

      Men. Go figure.

      • oh @ heart of steel. Interesting comment thank you … I think the idea of having someone as a fuckbuddy is nice but an almost impossible reality. Esp since women tend to not just be about the physical even during sex. Whereas (sorry boys, gross generalisation coming..) men are more animalistic in their approach .. or are able to be, even if not all are that way.

  2. The chart answers all your questions – and in a very pleasing way at that.

  3. The concept tends not to work… so I’ve been told… er…hm.

  4. Wow…I’m not sure how I feel about it. I know that I never want to get married again, so in that way a fuck buddy sounds reasonable, but at the same time I could never just sleep with someone. I’d have to be in some kind of relationship. I don’t need marriage vows or pledges of undying love, but the guy would have to at least respect me enough to not want to hurt me.

    From my perspective I really only see two deal breakers. The first would be if you have children. I’d never expose my kids (especially my daughter) to a man that I had a casual relationship with, and I’d certainly never bring him home.

    The next would be a worry that he’s secretly married. I’d watch for that one carefully. But if you are both consenting adults and you want to have a fuck buddy, I say go for it.

  5. Right. It’s usually someone you’ve known for a while. It usually develops over time rather than being a decision. And it usually involves a mixture of alcohol, comfort level, familiarity and trust. And like Hellis said, if he or she is secretly married, that’s no good. If he or she is overtly married, then hey, that’s okay!

  6. Why is it bad they’re secretly married? Other than the fundamental cheating thing, if I am not gonna want to do anything except have monkey sex on the kitchen floor, who cares if he’s attached?

  7. “but the guy would have to at least respect me enough to not want to hurt me.”

    Can I ask .. how does one elicit or figure this out “early” in a relationship?

    Do you ask them before accepting any offer of a date (or dinner @McDonalds and / or a shag on the kitchen floor to boot) ;)

    See I would have thought a fb scenario would be ideal for someone who wants space in their relationships? What am I missing?

    • There’s really no way to figure this out early, so I guess you’d just have to trust your instincts.

      The fuck buddy scenario would be ideal for someone like me who desperately needs space. I just don’t think I’d be able to do it. Not sure why.

      I don’t think you’re missing anything, and I think if you meet someone you like and you’re not hurting anyone then why not? Believe me, I wish I could see myself in this scenario.

  8. What happened to the term friends with benefits? It does not matter if you just want to shag. The married guy is a MARRIED GUY. Somewhere along the line you will be as 100% responsible as THE MARRIED GUY for destroying another woman’s heart, soul her life and the life of her children. Bad, bad, bad move all the way around. My friend with benefits was a guy I meet in a bar. We dated for a bit and enjoyed each other, had a lot in common, a perfect gentleman but crazy love was just not there for both of us. We did however, liked all the other stuff. We were together for 3 and a half years. Then I got married to a different guy who, 20 years later, turned out to be someone else’s FWB while in our marriage and then he became THE MARRIED GUY. It broke me. It destroyed me. It has made me feel worthless and like I wasted the last 20 years on a lie. Married Guys are easy to get far too easy. In my book, if they are looking then they are fuck heads. Not only that they are just no good all the way around. If THE MARRIED MAN can betray his wife that profess to love then what is he going to be like to you… just a booty call. Keep looking, an answer will come when you are least expecting it. Don’t sell yourself short. :) Sorry I hope I did not go too far.

  9. I know I shouldn’t be laughing at all this, but I am, nonetheless.

  10. Giggling…. I feel your pain, I feel your pain. That’s why I’m laughing!

    • Oh well so long as you feel pain, you’re welcome to comment here *chortle* I was re-reading the comments above and have to say I am none the wiser as to how the FB thing works.. and I think I’ve confused hundreds of other people when I see how many view this post or search for posts with ‘fuck buddy’ in them! So yeah, sorry folks ;)

      • Farce, I can only say, you’ll know it/him when you come across it/him. A meeting of minds, basically, without the urge to push it into any ‘entanglements’ beyond pure friendship and … a fuck fest. It’s a liberating experience, but again, it tends to work better in theory than reality for most.

        Perhaps stop looking and it will find you? After all, what we focus on tends to manifest sooner or later *grin*

        FB wasn’t anything I’d ever considered – we met online (a bdsm site), became great friends and nothing deeper ensued, but we sure as hell fucked each others’ brains out 7 day a week for 6 months, before I moved interstate and bid him adieu. We remain best friends, I’m happy to say. So very not like *me* at all. I’m someone who’s in love with love – a one man woman – so my once only FB scenario surprised the hell out of me.

        @ Life is a bowl of kibble: I feel your pain and wish I had a giant, magical, eraser to rub it all away from you :(

  11. Hi, just surfing found this topic interesting. I am currently going through a divorce(dont cry for me, I’m good) I think I would luv a FB. I just think that rules need to be established before hand. If one person starts to have serious feelings and wants out they should say so. I think a FB is exactly what I need and want right now. I’d just like to read more opinions from the males out there. My male friends are married so I dont think they can have a good opinion on this topic. More male opinions please

  12. I think it’s okay to just be Fuck buddy’s if you are both on the same page. There are times when you just don’t want a relationship and yes at times a relationship comes from being such a buddy…I couldn’t have a relationship with someone that wasn’t FB material any way… Just one mans opinion since the readers asked!

  13. PS If we were closer I would be honored to be yours! You would be heavenly I am quite sure as I see your passion!

  14. i have never known anyone, and i’ve met ALOT of people, that could make the friends with benefits work. I personally think it’s an urban myth that people hold onto because they get hurt so often and just want some happiness. Though i’ve never seen true happiness come from sex, only instant gratification.

    I’ve been foolish enough to try it, and always had the woman want more. So i’d say DO NOT DO IT. As if the person is already your friend you have things in common and the added emotion from physical intimacy can open a door you don’t want it to.

    But that’s my opinion.

  15. i know it works. continue…

  16. Everyone’s looking for some magical quality that will make the FB into either a long term deal someday or a longtime friend

    Never works that way.

    Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar, and a fuck is just a fuck.

    Enjoy it but don’t over-analyze it. That just makes you crazy and insecure.

  17. Hi Life in the farce lane. A fun and interesting read for sure.

    You hint at an fb relationship being a “Claytons” relationship; ie, a relationship you have when you think you are not having a relationship. This has been my experience. This can be a good thing or a bad thing.

    Endings always hurt at least one party a little or a lot. I feel that there is no avoiding this. However, if the whole thing is handled with respect, openness and honesty from the outset on both sides, the pain passes quickly and can leave us with positive and better educated feeling along with being better prepared for whatever life throws at us next. Very life affirming indeed. After any disappointment or string of disappointments, this is not to be knocked.

    Even if we do give ourselves a bumpy ride by going in over our heads or choosing our fb unwisely, we still have the opportunity of digging some gold out of the dirt and being better educated.

    If we want an awesome fb (or fwb), we have to be exactly that ourselves. The old rule of getting what we give definitely applies here. If we want openness, honesty and respect, we’d better be prepared to give all three. For a good outcome to be possible, I feel that these things are more important than the quality and quantity of the orgasms. Even if the actual doing of the business is not the best we ever had, the openness, honesty and respect make the afterglow so much more peaceful and the endings so much easier to deal with in an honest and respectful way. In addition, if true love is the result, we have already started on the right track and the road ahead is magnificently clear. Clear of secrets and unrealistic expectations. The way a good marriage must be. Now, there’s something to think about! If we can be an awesome fwb (more that just a fb), we have what it takes to be an awesome husband or wife. We just have to be prepared to be dumped and to handle it like a caring, sharing pro in the sure and certain knowledge that we will move on to bigger and better things. A serious challenge and a measure of how cool we are.

    It’s been said that one needs a heart of steel to be a good fwb or fb. I would say that we need a heart of warm steel as opposed to cold steel. This way, we can give and receive the warmth we all need to be happy whilst having the steel it takes to survive this sometimes harsh and abusive life. Irrespective of the quality of our partners, if we are tough on the inside, this whole adventure can teach us to be soft on the outside at the same time. To freely give the best we have, without expecting miracles and still survive. Not a bad way to be, methinks.

    To put it a bit more simply, it seems to me that if BOTH parties can tell and SHOW the other that they honestly hope the OTHER would be better for the experience, then the generosity is present from the beginning and the selfishness is gone. This being the case, the outcomes could not be all bad. There is plenty of room for growing.

  18. Ps: I’m hearing ‘life is a bowl of kibble’ loud and clear too. If you want this to work, SINGLES ONLY!!!!!!!!!!!!

  19. So yet iv done this and that gone up and down left and right and yet i haven’t even had one female offer it so how do i know if its going to work in my favor

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