I promised myself I wouldn’t write another post til I’d replied to a few of the comments (cos I love my comments and my “commenters”!) on my last couple of posts but I am in danger of having people think I’ve dropped off the planet so thought a quick update was in order before a busy weekend!*
Taking the advice from one reader who said “kick that idiot over in Europe to the curb” I have managed to push him out of my mind for the most part (approx. 98% there, lol .. he still manages to creep into my thoughts now and then) and I have been happily doing my own thing.
Healing, I called it today when talking to a friend. That sounds ever so slightly melodramatic but it’s been an awful couple of years with a bunch of stuff going on for me (not solely related to my love life) and this self-imposed exile has been extremely helpful.
It’s been a time for me to clear my mind. To assess what was really important to me .. and what was not so important. Interesting times indeed! And, as I say – very helpful..
As well, I’ve been slowly getting to know a man I met online the week I moved here. I’d not mentioned him and for no particular reason, I think it’s probably because he was just normal / fine so it was more entertaining pondering WTF the deal was with the pumpan’dump guy than saying I’d had a wine with a nice guy
I hadn’t put any “label” on what we were doing until my best friend said to me “So you’re a couple now?” after a lovely dinner and drinks date on Friday evening. She was being sarcastic because in giving her the “bff to bff account of the evening” I’d said we didn’t have sex (SHE asked, we have no boundaries this friend and I LOL) but it did make me think “gosh, are we a couple?”
My thinking is I don’t actually want (nor need) to label it. I just am going to enjoy it and see what happens. Maybe having a certain lack of expectation is helpful to relationship longevity or maybe I’m just too tired of being hopeful and being let down, whichever it is, I am at peace with this no-label deal and enjoying spending time once or twice a week with this man.
And that in itself is kinda cool.
Also cool is the fact I’ve rediscovered the joy of music and I’ve also gotten into gardening. Yes, often at the same time! I have an amazing (ancient but awesome!) stereo but my ex didn’t like music (noise, he called it) so when I got here I had it set up so I have speakers all through my house including 2 that pipe the ‘noise’ outside. Which works well with my new found gardening habit.
I never knew it could be so satisfying!
I don’t like the dirty fingernails thing but love the result of my labours and each day I go out to my winter vege patch and eye up the very stressed out plants (as I imagine them covered in cheese sauce or gravy alongside my fave meals!) and delight in the whole vege patch thing I have going on.
Not quite taking time to smell the roses but along the same lines I’d guess.
Anyway, I do hope everyone out there is well. I often think of you guys and do try to read for all I don’t often comment but I WILL catch up some time (You’ve been warned!) Meantime I really must go and think about some more weeding. The down-side to gardening!
*Hah didn’t get this finished before he came over on Friday, it’s now Sunday afternoon and I’m trying to finish this in between other critical things I keep promising myself I will do – such as gardening and sitting in the sunshine
And just cos it made me giggle:
When I think “Edward Hotspur“, my mind immediately conjures up a raft of adjectives. Prolific writer (and due to his awesome readers, his comments are almost as good a read as his blog .. Of course, one could possibly .. just maaaybe blame this lady in some ways ..;) ) Other adjectives include satirical, iconic. Laconic. A bit of a twit with a weird fetish about unicorns (that pee rainbows, preferably).
I first “met” Edward Hotspur when he commented on my blog back in September last year.
I’ve stalked him ever since
In preparation for this post, I googled him this morning and then trawled thru to page 12 before getting bored with trying to find just ONE page without a reference to him. (Short attention span, I blame the drugs) one thing did leap out at me when I was doing the search tho, and I thought it was quite apt:
“Nefarious Wit And Devastating Charm: Edward Hotspur” – No idea if he tweeted it about himself or where it came from but I liked it!
Anyway, all I can say is – Happy Flash mob day, EH! And to everyone else? You’d be a mug not to read him!
I’ve been an awful blogger lately and I’m sorry. I read a lot of blogs [but don't comment because I find it tedious to do so on my phone] I read everyone’s comments on my blog [again on my phone but can't bear to reply because it's just too painful] .. Every now and then I get in front of a real computer, only to spit out a rant and then vanish back inside myself.
Refer earlier “worst ever blogger” award statement.
Because I KNOW this isn’t a good way to be. I know if I commented on a blog and was largely ignored I’d probably give up, thinking the blogger was a total asshole. And I don’t want you to think I am a total asshole .. Or even an incomplete one
But honest to god, I don’t know where to go right now or what to do. I am so confused. I’m so stressed out. So unhappy and yet sort of OK all at once. Refer earlier “confused!” comment..
After my trek to the other side of the planet, I came back semi-sorted mentally, thinking I knew where I needed to be. Mentally, I honest to god, tried to move on. And I moved on physically, to assist in the transition.
But he won’t go away. He’s kept in touch. However it’s not actually a good thing, a bunch of stuff is going down – almost all of which just serves to confuse me right now.
So yeah, I’m pissed off, upset, angry, hurt and confused. Awesome combo eh?
But enough of this, really I just wanted to say hey .. and sorry .. for being an asshole. For being AWOLand awful. I miss the chit chat I used to enjoy on assorted blogs. I miss having fun on WP.
And I appreciate the fact that you’re sticking it out and putting up with me while I’m in this total state of limbo. So here’s an award for you!
Thanks for not giving up on me!
Well, I got dumped anyway .. At least I am consistent .. Consistently shit *sigh* So yeah as previously posted, date night was a success, albeit short lived! All indications were that he was happy with the date. I mean heck, he even left 2 personal items behind which, as we all know: is the perfect excuse for a return meeting.
Next day I heard from him once. We’d gone from texting every few minutes to once. Mm. But hey people get busy so I didn’t fret. Next day, no texts til I finally sent one saying “uh did I do something to offend you ..?” The reply was prompt: “Nope, just got a headache and busy with work.”
Fair enough.. People get busy and get headaches.
But after getting that I didn’t send any more texts because, well – what’s the point if they’re being ignored, right? If I am honest, I was a bit pissed off and surprised so not texting seemed sensible in case I said something I may later regret! Be it a needy text or a pissy one, neither appealed to me!
Next day I get a “Good morning” text. I replied but received no response til later that evening when I had sent a 2nd text.
By this stage I was more than a little pissy so I ignored it and went to bed early. Least I’m all caught up on sleep, not for me the “can’t sleep” deal. When I am upset, angry or stressed I sleep like a baby, thank goodness – the amount of crappy dates I get I’d look like total hell if it was the other way around!
It all came to a head last night when I sent a text asking when he was coming by to get his stuff. If I am honest I don’t know quite how it went the way it did but basically he said he got the feeling I wasn’t interested (Uh, YOU stopped texting me, buddy!?) I argued this point but that was his out, I think. And far be it for me to force someone to want to be with me!
So, here we are 6 days later and his “left behind” items are in my mailbox waiting for him to pick up and I don’t expect to hear from him again.
Like I said, least I am consistent huh ..
I may be nursing the mildest of hangovers as I type this – rather a bit of wine was shared between us last night but I had to post really quickly and say date night was a roaring success. It has prompted a bit of thought this morning, about a bunch of stuff that I will doubtless muddle thru on here / bore you all with later but I just wanted to say I didn’t get axe (or other!) murdered and I had a lovely time.
Oh and I think we’ll do it again..
I have a dinner date tonight with a man who looks just like Mr Big of SATC fame. He sent me a message via my online dating profile .. it wasn’t spectacular but it wasn’t creepy (by default I guess that makes it pretty damn good lol) and I do not know why I replied immediately, because I was busy replying to a heap of older messages, but I did.
And he came back with a 2nd email that was better than the 1st and we emailed back and forth for an hour before he had to go offline .. However we exchanged cell phone numbers before he went offline and my guess is his afternoon was about as productive as mine, because we spent the entire afternoon and evening texting back and forth.
Not only was he funny, he was smart – which most of you will know is a prerequisite for giving great text!
One of the things I like about texts and online “meetings” is that if they can communicate in that forum, odds are they should be pretty good in real life. This isn’t ALWAYS the case (more on that later) but 9x out of 10 I’d say it’s bang on. If they’re schmucks IRL, it shows up in their texts eventually ..
Anyway, I decided to be brave and invited him over for a drink if he was ever in the neighbourhood and that is how it was that the next afternoon he was sitting on my couch drinking a coffee. We had a great time, body language experts would have died laughing: we ended up sitting facing each other on the couch in damn near mirror positions.
No moves were made it was just 2 hours of conversation and laughter, til he finally said he had to go – but he clearly didn’t want to. It was so old fashioned in a way, in a cool way .. that obvious enjoyment of each other, the polite uncertainty of it all.
Before he left he offered to help me do something I’d clearly not been able to do myself (I have a huge mirror leaning on the wall in my living room – it’s too heavy for me to hang on my own .. oh and I don’t own a drill or the ness bits to hang the damn thing lol) .
Of course, in suggesting that he help he would need to come back .. but it was a no pressure way of assessing what I was thinking, I suppose.
I forget how it happened but the conversation drifted to some other topic so I never got to say “yes please” but as he left I said “If you would like to come back and do that wee chore I could make you dinner as “payment?” and told him to let me know a date that suited him ..
He said OK and drove off leaving me standing there grinning like a cheshire cat in my doorway. 15 minutes later I got a text saying “Friday would be good for me if it works for you?”
Which is how we have a dinner date happening in 6 hours time.
Oh and that evening we texted non-stop til midnight and he dropped by yesterday to check what tools he needed for today. I’m trying not to get excited because honestly, my track record is total garbage but hey if nothing else – a lovely meal will be had and my mirror will be (well!?) hung
Wish me luck.. for now I have to go trim, tweeze, wash, straighten, wax and pillage everything. Do boys KNOW how much effort goes into a date, I wonder??
I think I mentioned some time back I’d joined a dating website. Ever since then my life has been enriched in so many ways that I felt it was time to share some of it with you.
Why just this morning I was sent an invitation to share my wardrobe with a man aged 52. To spank a man aged 32. And to watch DVDs (after a walk on the beach in the sunset, to be fair) with a man of 60+.
I can’t bring myself to tell you what the boy of 22 wanted me to do to / with him. For all it coulda been fun *grins*
Below are a few excerpts from my inbox:
Hi, I’m a guy who enjoys being teased and disciplined by women. It would be great to chat with, maybe meet a woman who would enjoy having some fun along these lines – spanking me would be a good start. I realise that this is a most unusual request so I apologise in advance if you’re offended by this. What do you think so far? Hope to hear from you soon. From: Naughty boy A 32 year old Male seeking Friendships
* * * * * * *
Now to clarify – my profile is as vanilla as can be. I re-read it today to be sure. NOWHERE do I say I’d be even remotely curious about some man getting his jollies while I spank him. GEEEEEEEZ!
For all I was delighted with his grammar, I just sent him something along the lines of “really???!!?” and then blocked his unspanked ass.
* * * * * * *
The most offensive (call me a prude but it really did irritate me) was the fact that this man even VIEWED my profile. I should be grateful he had the brains (?) not to message me:
“York Hunt 45yr old man seeking serious relationships” .. It was only when I said his name out loud that I just kinda snorted but not in a good way. Jerk. And he’s after a serious relationship with anything more than his hand or something totally vile??
* * * * * * *
This next one made me laugh. Albeit more a derisive snort than a humourous “how funny” kinda laugh.
Professional intelligent guy looking to communicate with intelligent lady. I Enjoy wine, music, DVD’s, no pressure etc. Pretty easy to get on with.
That was his tag line. It wasn’t too bad, I thought!?
He reiterates in the “what he’s looking for” section:
Lady who is easy to communicate with, fun, likes to laugh , sense of humour.
A FRIENDLY HELLO, HOPE YOUR DAY HAS BEEN FAVOURABLE… <– his first msg to me.
SO far so good! Hell he even spelt favourable right, (for this side of the planet) presuming we ignore the caps lock!
And so I reply:
“hey! My day wasn’t too shabby thanks, how was yours?”
GOOD. I’m Horny tho. Can you help?
I sent him a link to a porn site.
Not heard from him since.
Guess I helped?
* * * * * * *
My all time fave was this one, I’ve copied and pasted his entire profile to give additional context:
Newbie seeking to dressup…
Please send a message so we can chat… Im quite ‘normal’ actually…
The important characteristics I’m looking for:
Someone who can cope with a crossdresser… one behind closed doors anyway…
So, in his message to me he suggested we were the same sized clothes and asked if I’d like to chat.
I quizzed him on his breast size. As well, I may have mentioned my only child status and a dislike of sharing. He never replied.
These men have NO staying power, I swear!
* * * * * * *
And last but not least, for today anyway this delightful profile made me want to stab myself in the eyes to get away from it:
i njoy dining out lov to travel nce cars out for nce meals
WHERE ARE THE VOWELS?
That was his FIRST email to me followed a few minutes later by a reminder “WELL?”
“Read my damn profile” <– Angry drunk
Oh god he replied.
Being polite (for reasons that elude me!) I sent a “Goodnight”
A G A I N he REPLIES?!
* * * * * * *
Now for additional insight into my somewhat (from the above exchange, anyway!) uptight personality, here is my profile:
Looking for friends? (My heading)
I’m passionate, intelligent, energetic and told I’m fun to be around. Reasonably easy-going, I suspect ‘laid back’ could be a bit of a stretch – I’m just not into dramas, life really is too short for that. Some random info about me: I have an aversion to stupid and / or mean people. I’ve never eaten oysters. I love fast cars & French champagne, both of which you’ll be pleased to know I can afford without you.
Oh and I absolutely loathe shoe shopping.
There’s 2 sections to each profile so I can add what I seek, as well as what I offer and I have the following:
My wish list would include a man who’s tall and around my age. Healthy + intelligent.. Oh and you MUST have a sense of humour! At the end of the day we each have our own personal preferences so have a read and see if there’s anything here you think we can work with.
PS: Can we please communicate in ‘real’ words? My brain hrts readng txt spk!
Aint life grand .. Or at the least? It sure as heck isn’t ever boring lol
When this lovely lady suggested we flash someone, at first I wasn’t sure but then I figured what the heck – we only live once, that we know of and so.. ooh hold on, lemme re-read. WOOOAH, turns out she said flash MOB! *buttons my top back up* That was close..!
Anyone who’s been on-line awhile knows that the interweb is brimming with fabulous people. People who enrich our lives with laughter, craziness and even, at times, pain and sadness. I guess that blend is simply called life and this fabulous lady shares hers with us in her very unique and amusing fashion.
But that’s not all – You see today is her birthday!
So this is my shout out to the birthday girl!
Here’s wishing you the happiest birthday ever, all the way from the other side of the world, Hobbler. You rock!
To view said fabulous lady’s blog just click on any of the graphics above
And just cos it made me laugh, a video for the occasion:
Just because you CAN, does not mean you should.. I’m tired of $#@! trying to find things because one of you has decided we need to have multiple tabs to view our stats and stuff. I liked the table format for reading blogs under assorted topics. I’m fed up with not being able to easily read the comments I’ve made on other blogs. But at the same time, WTF were you thinking with the emailed comments check box bizzo?
I read and comment on a lot of very busy blogs. My inbox is having conniptions thanks to the new
spam check box you’ve developed! Have you people not heard of the unsolicited email laws? Ok it probably doesn’t count since this is the WWW and a blog but OMG please change it back, that functionality chaps my ass.
*stomps off in a huff*
So yeah, apparently I’ve been a bit quiet (for me! LOL) Well it’s been kinda .. hectic .. in my world. In the last few weeks I have:
Moved towns, travelled 11801 miles to end a relationship*, been on a date with what seemed like the perfect man only to have to ask him to leave long before HE thought it was over and did I mention I quit my job after a scrap with a very high ranking govt official?
Mmm. Been a funny ol’ time for LITFL!
But let’s start with the *Paris trip. Going back a little bit now, we had the “break up because of the distance thing” followed by quite a few phone calls, texts and emails – more than one would expect from a guy who’s saying “this isn’t going to work” as he jets off overseas.
I became confused and thought maybe there was a chance it’d work but needed to know more. And so, on a total (and very expensive, ffs!) whim – flew to Paris to surprise / confront his nibs.
It went fabulously ’til the last day I was there and then it all came crashing down. The distance thing .. the lack of intimacy .. the lack of closeness .. it’s just insurmountable, it seems.
I flew home to a total shitstorm in my work situation (albeit not a total surprise) but on being smacked around a time or two too many, I had already told all the wrong people to shove it pre Europe and so I walked.
And when I say walked? I upped and left town!
I know. I don’t do things by halves lol
And so we have me now living in a different city, single. Alone, save for my 2 cats.
And kinda OK ..
I really like the above pic because there are – honest to god – days when I say to anyone “I’m cool” when I’m anything but. Not sure I’d cope with the wrong people saying “no you’re not, here’s a hug” but I like the concept for all that.
Now I KNOW I will be ok, long term. After all, I don’t have an incurable disease, a kidnapped child or anything that is really serious. I have an inability to find the right man. White woman problem. I get it.
But hey this is my blog and I’m giving an update of what’s going on and how I feel about it. Don’t like it? Don’t approve? Think I’m being a wanker? Fuck off. Oops I mean, cheers .. but please, leave me to sort myself out without your judgement, I just don’t need it.
Oh and the title of this blog? Well duh I packed lingerie, I bought video porn (albeit unintentional for all the haughty Frenchman at reception didn’t believe me) and .. well I went to Europe!
Yes, I know .. I left out the awful date, that’s a-whole nother entry in the making lol
I started blogging almost a year ago and have found some fab blogs in that time. Many of you will know that in the blogosphere there is any number of awards going around but today this is just MY show and tell of the blogs that I follow / enjoy for no reason other than that I’d like to share them.
OK I lie .. In return for my sharing these gems with you, I challenge you to read one (or more!) and post a comment about your fave. Ready? GO for it!
I hope you enjoy these blogs as much as I do. And to everyone above, thank you for being a part of my world. I appreciate each and every one of you!
A sweet blog friend of mine posted (in his usual laconic fashion) an “award” (spam?) sort of post and I was fortunate enough to be included in the mix. The deal is you tag people and force them to answer random Q’s. I rather liked his approach: He tagged people and left them to choose the Q’s they responded to.
I think I will do the same but may .. if the mood takes me .. reply to all his questions, as set out below. Let’s see how I go.
What do you regret having done?
If there is one thing I have learned in my 40+ yrs of breathing it’s not to waste too much time regretting. Best advice I can give ANYONE is to find the “good” (or lesson?) in whatever may make you wince .. And instead of regretting it, try and go “OK, so I learned X”.
I know it sounds corny as hell but oh man it’s helpful. Trust me.
What would you change if you could go back and change it?
I would be brave enough to say no to everyone (family, friends and him!) when my (ex) husband asked me to marry him all those years ago.
Have you ever been scared of anything?
Many times, many things. Who can honestly say NO to this question!?
When have you been the happiest in your life?
When I have been happy. Der .. OK OK fine .. um. thinking .. thinking .. When I have been loved. And that doesn’t just the mean male / female “romance” sort of love.
What is your favorite position?
How many sexual partners have you had?
This week? This year? Ever?? I need more parameters before I can possibly reply to this, damnit!!
What is your credit card number, including expiration date and that three-digit code off the back?
Not being an American dun’ mean I can’t claim the 5th, right? (FYI in most circumstances, by law .. I cannot claim it but I’m gunna!)
Who do you think you are?
I’m me. And I’m (for the most part) OK.
Do these pants make me look fat?
No, it was those up-sized fries, the waffles and jelly donuts ..
What is your favorite thing about yourself?
I like my resilience. And by hell, do I very much need it at times
Who in the blogosphere is your favorite person?
Too many to list but here’s a few – why not check them out? You may find I have incredibly good taste in blogs!
PS Have fun answering these questions .. I look fwd to the read!
Some of you may recall my post about love languages. And that mine was “quality time” closely followed by touch .. Mr New had jokingly said his was “physical touch” when I first asked him (to which I replied: typical male! lol) but after he read the book, we learned it really was! Closely followed by quality time. So we are reasonably similar in our love languages.
And yes, you read that right: Mr New read the damn book. I was very surprised when he told me he’d read it, but I quizzed him (suspicious type that I am) sufficiently on the subject to realise he had in fact gone out and done just that. He said I’d raved about it, so he wanted to see what it was about..
Anyway, this book came up many times in the discussions held before he disappeared off to Europe for the rest of the year. In my more rational moments, I accept his statements as probably fair and reasonable. Some might even call them logical and sensible.
However since he left .. He’s just a jerk who ditched my ass
Oddly, there’s something quite disconcerting about sitting talking earnestly with someone who SO isn’t into drama & theatrics. With someone who’s very much a “funny guy who likes to make me laugh” .. As opposed to the “Let’s sit and have a lovely long chat about our feelings, over a hot cup of tea, dear” type.
I say disconcerting because you know they’re very serious if they do such a thing and in this case – we all know how serious it was and how crap it panned out to be.
Sorry, this entry is all over the show .. Ah sod it, this is my blog. I can meander at random, if I want. Besides, it’s 3.45 in the morning and I’ve been awake since Mr New called me an hour ago. Seems he forgot the time difference thing .. Jackass.
So yeah, this entry was meant to be about how a self-help book motivated a man to dump me. You see, his rationale for saying “let’s not do this long distance thing” was almost solely because of him reading that damn book.
Because we BOTH need, enjoy, want (D – all of the above!) to spend loads of time with someone when we care about them. And because Skype and emails and phone calls don’t quite rate as “quality time” .. the options (to him, anyway) seemed clear.
And so that is what bought us to where we’re at now .. Him just landed to work in Europe. Me left behind, both of us (I suspect) wondering what will happen in the future. All because of a damn self help book, whoda thunk it?
Clearly I need to read different types of books! So yeah, Elizabeth, when is the Mirrors of Bershan trilogy gonna be ready?!?
So yeah, I could be ever so slightly drunk as I type this post. Nothing to do with the fact that I’ve been drinking out in the blazing sun with a few friends (It is a beautiful day here in godzone as we hang onto sunshine in the vain hope Winter isn’t lurking just around our corner of the globe!)
No. I suspect my being ever so slightly drunk could be more to do with the fact I’ve been drinking since … well, since earlier in the day ..
Since right after Mr New flew off to Europe.
We’ve spent a week agonising over choices. Talking things through. Crying. Talking. Talking. Crying. Cuddling. Talking. Crying. Talking about options. Talking about the future .. talking about choices ..
Til eventually, he made his . .
“In fairness to you, let’s just say it’s over and if we reconnect when I come back – All good.” Inference being if we don’t, well who the fuck cares anyway.
The fact he let them bring his going away date forward. The fact he seemed totally OK with saying “cya”. The fact he said “just”. The fact he seemed distant at the airport. The fact he kissed me on the nose as he departed ..
All (and more) are reasons why I’ve been drinking since a rather-too-early time of day.
So yeah, that’s the update on my life.. as it currently reads. Sorry for the radio silence, I’ve been reading your blogs for all I’ve not posted on many .. I just couldn’t..
Anyway, happy easter everyone.
A dear friend of mine dropped in today .. just as I was busy settling into a fabulously filthy black mood .. And I have to grumble that his presence completely threw me off! All I wanted was to sit and be miserable and instead this jerk turned up ..
And made me laugh!
See, we have this private joke .. it came about many years ago when I was bitching and moaning during a fat day and (horrible man that he is!) said friend grabbed my chin (And to be honest: I do only have one but still..) he looked me deep in the eyes and .. Well, before I go on .. I have to admit, I expected words of great wisdom to be uttered and instead, I got:
“Chins up darlin‘ .. “
Delivered dead pan .. til I absorbed what he said .. then punched him, as we fell about giggling.
Fate (for all a fickle bitch) has it that this friend arrived because HE has done the long distance thing before and as my best best friend – he’s able to be blunt as hell about it, based on his experience .. but he also knows me well enough to know what my issues are, and what may or may not work for me.
His boyfriend – someone he cared deeply for even – disappeared off to live and work in Europe some years ago. And as we both lamented (him from experience, me from checking online!) the cost of getting from the bottom of the world to the top is prohibitive.
Not only that but as he said: “girl, it is very hard to look fabulously sexy when you’ve just spent 35 hours wedged into a flying coffin along with the seething, snoring and generally awful masses!”
Anyway, we sat and talked about his experience and how hard it was. About the good parts (the times spent together after time spent apart) and the bad (the fact that you are miserable half the time you’re together because you’re counting down to their departure!) and how it might or might not pan out with Mr New.
Long story short, no friggen idea if things can work or not .. but on a plus note I didn’t commit harekare (sp!) or drink my breakfast .. NOR did I get the chance to collapse in a heap and be a drama queen either and for that, I GUESS I should thank my friend.