So today I learned

that I give too much.. Care too much.. Fall in love too deeply.. Trust too easily. I’m a hopeless romantic (read: I’m pathetic) Yes, people  - it seems that I have a slight tendency to don rose coloured specs when it comes to affairs of the heart.

Which kind of annoys me.

By day I’m a fairly successful business woman: Feared by some, loathed by others. Respected. Maybe even a little well-known. But also probably thought of as a calculating, heartless bitch (by some, anyway) ..

Personally, I believe this is because I am rational, logical and calm. Therefore by not displaying “emotions” I am labelled mean & awful. That said, those who take the time to know me end up very loyal and I have long term relationships with many people that I have managed / worked with over my career.

However, the whole hopeless (hapless, maybe?) romantic thing worries me..

I should back up. You see, I’ve spent some time with a very dear friend this weekend. Out of town, having some gal-pal fun .. and between the champagne and food – we talked, as woman do .. tis fair to say she is unable to comprehend my beliefs and attitudes to relationships as am I hers.

Sadly, she’s been cheated on a few times in her (love) life. I never have. Viz she distrusts men and / or expects all her relationships to fail.

Me – I fall hard (and fast, it seems) but am utterly devastated when they fail. Because for all I am not entirely sure I get what love is or how a relationship should be .. I do know that I want to be one half of something fabulous. And even if I end a relationship, I’m hurt and upset because for me – something huge .. that I invested in .. didn’t pan out.

I’m unsure which is worse..

She’s engaged to be married. I’m single having ended an 8yr relationship recently.. I’m keeping my options open and wondering what life holds. She’s engaged and fretting over what life may hold. For all I am pretty sure she hopes it will be fabulous.

All of which takes me back to the ‘hopeless’ statement above .. (It’s not an adjective I like to be associated with!) Can someone love too much or is that just some sort of excuse for .. I don’t know what, actually ..

Cos really ..  I think I’d actually be ok being loved too much ..  What am I missing here?

My best ever date

To combat the sense you all have, following the recent dating disasters trilogy, that I am hapless (and hopeless!) in love - I thought I would reminisce back over some of my more fun dating experiences.

OOOOOOOH where to begin!?

DTR was pretty good at the dating game – tis fair to say. Always expensive, trendy and very nice places, he was a class act, always paid and was a complete and utter gentleman.. Til Xmas, that was!

There was the man who took me on a helicopter flight to his fave restaurant in another part of the country. That was exciting.

Shame he wasn’t (shoot I’m meant to be being positive my bad) he was.. sweet, but duller than a stack of bricks. And had a weird foot fetish I discovered on date 2 after a tussle involving my heels and his tongue. Most uncool.

Damn .. disasters are so much more prevalent lol

I think the problem here is for me a success doesn’t have to be any given thing, event or formula. I don’t need an expensive or trendy place. I don’t need lots of money spent. Or to have to get dolled up. Sometimes the simpler things are funner.

So there’s the guy I have an on / off thing with and have done for years – we’ll go for a drive, get fish and chips and sit on the beach to eat them whilst talking total rubbish, feeding the gulls and watching the sunset. It’s awesome..

Then there was the nipple piercing guy who did amazing things on a trampoline. Yes. I was involved .. and stayed involved for a year or more ..

Oh this theme sucks.

It’d be so much funner to tell you about the man I made cry, one time. As he stood in his flannel PJs in my bedroom. Not one of my finer moments but .. I’d do it again in the same situation.

Or the guy who lost his license coming to see me from his town a few hours away. So when he got here I had to drive us everywhere. We had a disagreement whilst driving in the car so I got out and walked off leaving him unable to drive in his car, watching his date disappear around the corner.

And the one who threw up on my shoes, yeah that was a classy evening, for sure ..

Geez this dating thing is hard work.. Please remind me, why do we put ourselves through this?
*grins*

What I bring to a relationship

A friend asked me today what it is about me that *I* thought men would like. Of course, this bought about the expected response of “I have boobs, duh” but then it dawned on us that for all I maybe had ideas of what I wanted in a man, I didn’t really know what I was offering.

Does this matter? Do I need to know what I bring in order to then bring about a better relationship? We couldn’t answer that last bit but it is something to think about .. however, over a wine or 3, we sat and talked about the attributes / traits that I have which we thought may appeal to a potential mate.

It was kinda weird doing this. But here’s the list we came up with:

Loyalty – I am ferociously loyal to those I care about.
Honesty – You will always know where you stand with me.
Intelligence – Not something that appeals to all men I know, but it’s on offer.
Independent – I think this is one that puts guys off but it’s a big part of how I am.
Sense of humour - Somewhat wicked, very quick and probably mightily annoying lol
Sexy. I think we were on our 5th wine when we got to this one but I am. I love sex and need / enjoy closeness with my mate.
Hard working – Both in my personal and professional life.

I dislike the phrase easy going because someone who is as passionate as I am, with control freak tendencies cannot be easy going. But I’m .. Calm . steadfast. I loathe dramas.. But if I get mad, watch out! Actually just leave me alone for 5 minutes and I’ll get over myself.

I can cook better than most. Of course, there’s the boobs.
And I have 2!

Oh and I can shoot to kill, change a car tyre and parallel park. 1st time, every time .. I’m grateful for a Dad who was determined his baby was not going to be one of ‘those’ girls.

I guess what we’ve done is listed the things I cannot change, therefore it’s more of a “like it or lump it” list isn’t it lol

What hope do WE have?!

I take no small amount of comfort from the fact that beautiful, young, rich (feel free to insert your own adjective here) people can’t stay married / in a relationship these days .. It isn’t just me cocking it up every which way I turn!

I don’t follow the celebrity trail, but you can’t walk past a magazine rack without seeing the latest headlines going on about how someone cheated on someone.. or someone dumped someone .. for someone else no less!

Be it the Trumps, the Madonnas, Mr and Mrs Tiger, the Schwarzenegger / Shrivers, or my personal fave: Paul and Heather (that was ugly! AND costly!) .. to the outsider looking in – they had it all.

But they’re in the same club as me now – single.

Oh and millions of dollars lighter (in the men’s case) and wealthier (in the case of the women) .. Doh… slight difference between them and me after all *snort*

PS I got a text from DTR  overnight. It simply read “Happy New Year Fred, How’s tricks?” I have yet to reply cos I admit, his reaction pre Xmas kinda pissed me off .. We’ve not seen each other for a month but now the holiday season is over, he’s back in touch. WTF is that about?

Farewells & sweet, sweet memories..

Not so long ago I was pondering the wisdom of revisiting relationships from the past. It’s my experience that love doesn’t always come to an unpleasant end .. that sometimes it stops for reasons other than “I hate you and want you to die” …

Many of your comments made on that post suggested you’d experienced exactly this and / or believed that people (and circumstances) can change a lot during a decade, which is when I last was involved with the Hot-Shot-Banker from England.

HSB (Apt abbreviation in light of his work place!) and I have spent a whole heap of time together over the time he’s been here on a mid-winter break.. After our epic night out we’ve hung out and had a lovely time, I must admit.

But (you knew it was coming .. I’ll give you a moment ..) mid way through next week he is heading back to London and we’ll go back to our lives and nothing more will come of it. Of this I am certain.. And actually okay about, too..

You see, for all we reconnected in the nicest way imaginable (and I don’t mean sex, behave yourselves you horrible lot!) much of our time spent together has been in deep conversation. (Yes, sometimes over runny eggs and hangovers!)

And in a nutshell – he won’t be back here any time soon .. for anything more than visits. I have zero inclination to uproot my world and follow him and therefore .. it cannot be.

Which is kinda sad because HSB has developed into a fabulous man, from the carefree “lad” I knew in Europe. He was always dead sexy. Tall, tanned and with eyes that made me melt. I have a thing for a man with a sexy smile and laughing eyes. Tis fair to say I had a crush on him from the moment I met him and did everything in my power to catch his attention when we all lived together .. And apparently, I don’t gross him out completely now either – always a bonus!

However, we can never lose sight of the fact he lives some half a planet away from me. Or I live on the other side of earth to him – whichever you prefer..

I remember once asking a friend of mine who’s into the whole mystical scene what she thought of the whole concept of soul mates .. or perhaps more accurately, I was questioning her on whether she felt there was just “ONE” ultimate soul on this planet, for each of us ..

I also recall becoming deeply depressed because she said she does think we all have just the one .. She went on to admit that oftentimes we’ll never find them. Yeah – thanks Universe, love ya work.

Anyway, next week I, and a group of friends and family will head to the airport to send HSB on his way back to the other side of the planet. It will be a sad farewell.. but at the same time, it’s been a very sweet few weeks of recollections, reconnections and reminiscing.

And I will always be grateful for experiencing that ..

Warning – Sick content inside!

Farewell party last Friday, pity party this week! I can hear people socialising on their balconies or heading to and from parties, social events, town – wherever. And I have to admit to experiencing a moment of woe is me..

Two reasons:

1. I’m not used to being at home on a Friday night lol  My best friend did offer to come bring me supplies and keep me company but to be honest, company is something I don’t have the mental wherewithal or energy to be, so why ruin her Friday evening?

2. I cannot bear to be sick. It pisses me off mightily! I am sure – on the odd occasion when some lurgy does knock me down – that I get man flu! I want to die.. I am inconsolable. Grumpy, mean, nasty and plain horrid. (Just ask that.. person .. who was posting comments on my last entry .. they think I am all that .. and more) *grin*

My personal preference when sick is to push thru’ it. Ignore it, it’ll go away sort of thing .. I tried that by going to work Weds and Thurs even tho I felt ever so slightly less than optimal. And I woke this morning barely able to function.. So yeah, working thru it worked a treat alright *snort*

Determined not to be one of those “oh yeah riiiiiight she’s sick” Friday morning phone calls, I decided to take my germy self off to work.. Only to be hounded from my office and sent home within minutes of making my first phone call.

Everyone kept asking where the pre-pubescent boy was. My voice is a tad hoarse and crackly. And my froat hurts .. *whiny tone*

One of the worst things about man flu is it does seem to impair your ability to do anything except whine and feel pathetic!?

Not one to be told what to do, I did go back to the office briefly to attend one meeting and everyone kept a more-than-is-necessary-rude-bastards distance from me then abused me til I came home again.

So much for keeping busy there.

To be fair, it did wipe me out totally making two trips to work, but damnitall I don’t like me when I am sick, I sure as hell don’t wanna keep me company!!

And even less fair, in amid all this woefulness? It’s a holiday weekend here, so we have 3 days ahead of us and the weather is promising to be spectacular..

I had grand plans for a dinner party tomorrow.. Brunch out with friends on Sunday. Was invited to a BBQ on Sunday evening and to have Fish and Chips with another friend at the beach on Monday ..

Instead I have unearthed the stash of tissues (kleenex, whatever you call it) and will be spending my weekend watching anything mindless on telly that I can, to stop me from driving me crazy with frustration and boredom.

OMG I’m channelling the idiot!!  Lucky for me I don’t have a wife here to supervise me .. or a cat or son that can tattle on me while I get the hell better

So, why am I whining about being sick? Do I need a reason? Man flu remember! Sheesh ..

Maybe this post can act as a warning .. if I can’t do anything of the things I’d planned over the weekend I may just spam WordPress with yet more inane ramblings of stuff you never knew you needed to know!

I’ve stolen an idea from someone who’s blog has had me in stitches the last few posts.. so if I have the energy we may all be on the cusp of some rather tragic postings from my past

For now tho, this grumpy old baggage is going to reply to a few more texts from friends asking where the hell I am hiding then I’m heading to bed. 10pm Friday .. omg lol

Heartless bitch reporting in..

So today I was advised that I’m a “heartless, calculating and nasty bitch”. I like to think this is similar to how any person driving under the speed limit ahead of me is a bloody moron (and every person over taking me is a %$#@! lunatic) i.e.: it is possibly not entirely accurate.

Tis fair to say I have stewed, been fucked off (‘scuse my French) and generally obsessed about this statement all day. Not for me the “Sticks and stones” thing. It rankled. More than a liddle..

And I don’t know why because if I am really honest with myself, I KNOW I am not all that nasty or heartless. Calculating, mm the jury is still out on that one lol .. Personally, I don’t think calculating is bad.. but prefer to call it “measured” or “analytical” ..

Throughout the early days of break up week, i.e.: the week I told him my partner of almost 8yrs that it was over – I’d receive very distressing emails from him. As he grappled with the shock of what had happened.

And it made me grateful that I had agonised for weeks (and yes, I mean weeks – literally) about how I was going to end things cos it was horrible with a lot of thought and planning, if I’d not done this I can only imagine how bad it may have been..

You see, I thought very carefully about the words I would use in the break up speech. Remember: I didn’t hate him – I just was not in love with him any more. Hating someone, or even disliking them makes breaking up so much simpler I am sure.

The reason I thought it through so carefully was twofold:

1. I needed to be entirely sure there was NO ambiguity in the process. That in no way would I utter any words that he could cling to .. any phrase that could be a little vague and maybe encourage him to think he could change the fact I had said it was over. That was for my own benefit, as well as his of course. But I think it’s really important when breaking up, to think about these things.

2. I needed to be careful of the words I used (or prepared, in case asked) to describe how I felt and why I had ended it. Not wanting to hurt him any more than the act of ending our relationship was going to. Cos I was with a thinker. A deep and intense person who would take on board a statement and mull it over to ridiculous lengths. It’s just how he is..

In the same way I stewed over his statement today, I know he would have re-played the discussion over and over trying to make sense of it. I had to be kind, but firm. Be sure he knew I meant it but not mess him up so he’d be anxious moving into his next relationship.

In the end I opted for simple..

When asked “why?” I said: “I’m just not in love with you any more.” Now I guess maybe he could have said “I can make you fall back in love with me” but we’d talked in the past about how sad it would be to be with someone who wasn’t in love with you so this was a fairly “calculated” statement. And one he simply couldn’t refute. After all, they’re my feelings.

I recall 2 breakups of my own, ie times when I have been kicked to the curb, in the past.

Asshole.. oops I mean “Man” #1 said: “You’re too intense”. I’d be inclined to agree with this statement, so that wasn’t so bad altho I do think he used it as his “unambiguous” reason lol

Man #2 said: “I think you want too much from me.” I guess my expecting to see him now and then was pretty demanding huh..!

The song is so right, breaking up is hard to do. Hard to take. Hard to experience. Even for mean, nasty, horrible old bags like me!

Oh and for no other reason than that it irritated me, I’m sharing this lil caption below which I happen to think is the biggest pile of horseshit ever written. Well, other than many of the Shakespearean tragedies.. they irritate me too.

Hell who am I kidding, everything is irritating me after my day of stewing!

I’m off to take it out on a punching bag at the gym..

How shit do I feel, right about now?

“Were you ever what you said?” Ouch..!

Life sure does have a ‘funny’ way of messing with us at times, doesn’t it!

So I made a fairly big deal of taking my engagement ring off on Friday and was actually at peace with the space I was moving into..  Having enjoyed some ‘me’ time, very much regrouping – both mentally and emotionally, over the past few weeks.

I was lucky in many ways, in that my break up was uncomplicated. It was my decision to end the relationship but not an easy one, for all I carried it out like it was. In my experience it pays to turn emotions off during a break up, saves a bunch of drama and regrets after the fact.

As well, both my ex and I are very much opposed to dramas so for all he was devastated when I told him, there was a few days of awkward emails exchanged and then we set to sorting out the untangling of almost 8yrs together.

Stiff upper lip and all that – we’re both of British descent lol

Even the splitting of our assets was done amicably. For example: I had something he’d been given as a 21st gift by a close family member and I shipped it back to him. He had a few things of mine and did the same. It was “nice”, in as much as this sort of thing can be.

Like I said, we’re both anti-drama.
Lazy, perhaps?

I’ve heard from him a couple of times in recent weeks, a happy christmas wish and an update about some mutual friends of ours he’d seen at New Years. But for some reason today I woke up to an email from him.

And in it he’d embedded the song I’ve put in this post up top and then finished his email with this one:

As I’m moving into a very clear head space, looking forward and thinking about my future it seems he’s doing some soul searching too. Now to work out how the hell to reply, because he asked a bunch of questions that I would like to reply to..

I have to confess, I cried as I listened to the lyrics of both songs. Poor man .. I hate to think that I made him feel this way.

Now, could someone please pass me some tequila? This is not champagne drinking music

End of an er.. ror

It’s mid-afternoon as I write this and I’m sitting here with a glass of Moet in hand (Yes, I have the whole bottle to go and omg the flash on my phone makes that look like cat pee hahah) and it’s fair to say I’ve had the weirdest day, emotionally.

Roller coaster doesn’t quite do it justice, think more.. tilt-a-whirl..

You see, to everyone it seems I have the perfect life. I’m told this often.. Of course perfect means different things to different people..

So to my hitched pals, I’m seen as carefree, single, free to do what I want, when I want etc. To my single pals, I’m seen as confident, able to do what I want / when I want and .. a bunch of other stuff.

But really, I’m just a woman with NO friggen clues and a propensity to be alone when she probably should surround herself with pals..

Ok so that makes no sense. Let me back up…

Today is a big day for me.

I took my engagement ring off..

Now I know I ended things back in June and I have dated a couple of men since this time..  But somehow, the symbolism of taking that ring off .. meant something to me.

It’s a beautiful 1.25ct diamond mined from under some glacier in Canada of all places.. Don’t get me wrong, it’s nothing bling-ish, more understated (OK FINE DULL .. like me lol)

We designed it sitting in the jewellers together, picked the stone and delighted in how beautifully elegant it was in those early days of thinking this was it..

After I told him it was over, I continued to wear the ring. Is that weird? Truthfully, I found it helpful when out on the town.. any man got overly annoying I could point to the finger and say “this has been fun but I have to go home now” ..

But also, I experience lovely feelings whenever I look at it, and I love it. I really do .. it’s so simply beautiful.

One thing you need to realise is that I didn’t hate him when I finally ended it, it was (I think) worse than that –  I wasn’t in love with him.

All that aside, I took the ring off today and tucked it into my jewellery box with other precious mementos and as I shut the lid, I surprised myself by bursting into tears.

No one was here so it was ok .. I had a lil cry and then set to being busy. Busy is very useful for those of us who prefer to repress our emotions

So it’s Friday afternoon and normally I’d be out misbehaving with my friends. But instead I am at home and I’m having a bit of a “farewell” party. Alone..  Some might call it a pity party – I prefer my name for it ..

You see, today 8yrs ago today I officially got engaged.

Mm probly don’t need to say any more do I.

Someone pass me that bottle will ya … Ta ..

What I want in a man – A wishlist

A friend said to me this week: “You need to be more realistic in what you want from a man / relationship.” Which we all know is simply code for: Quit being so fussy and you’ll land yourself a man.

However, at the risk of sounding trashy, I can ‘land’ a man easily enough. But I would prefer to ‘land’ the right man  .. whatever that means.. 

And in those last 3 words lies the reason why my relationships fail: Unclear requirements.

Think about it – how can HE possibly meet my expectations, if I am unclear what they are? How can he know what I may or may not want (like, need etc) if I don’t?

In the past I’ve had a stab at making a list of what my “must have” things are. And to be honest: I’ve struggled .. maybe because my list is long and .. unusual ..

For example:

I want a man who has nice eyes and a nice smile. How shallow am I ..  But ya know what? Gazing into the eyes of someone I’m keen on is something I am kinda into and nice eyes makes that even more fun! And when a man gives you that smile, the one that tells you he is into you.. mm mm (cue: dreamy musack here) .. Can’t be beat..

So anyway, I’ve given this topic of “what I want’ a bit more thought, because I dislike failing too-oo many times and so, without any further ado – here is a list of things that I’ve learned over time do matter to me .. albeit in no particular order:

I like a man who is strong. Both mentally and physically. As well, he has to have a sense of humour. But I don’t want a joker.There IS a difference! Ideally, I’d like a man who is a thinker. But not someone who stews.. very unsexy.

I definitely need someone who can communicate .. effectively.

I want a man with no debt. Sure, maybe that’s an odd one but it’s MY list, go away and make your own if you don’t like it. Oh and by no debt, I don’t mean mortgages, I have those too – I mean debt from money-mismanagement. I am not gonna fund someone out of their mess, I’m afraid.. Done it once, got crapped on – never again.. (see I do learn!)

I want a man who has a career. I know this is perhaps an odd one too. But it’s my experience that men who are driven in their career, tend to be successful at many things in their lives. It also means they’re less likely to one day become freaked out by me having one.. cos mine is important to me.

I want a man who is a good lover. I cannot tell you how .. bad it is to be with a rubbish lover. At this point it seems only right to point you all toward these words of wisdom posted on a blog that I enjoy reading..

Then we get into the more .. frivolous .. wants:

I want a man who can drive well. And well doesn’t mean at high speed. Driving well and being a good lover, I wonder if there is a correlation? Hmm.. could be ..I want a man who isn’t scared of cats. He can be terrified of kids (after all, I am!) but cats – c’mon, they’re pussies..

I do rather like my man to smell good..

He won’t smoke. But he can be smokin’! He won’t wear sandals and sox. Together, anyway. He won’t be religious. But spiritual or just plain decent works for me. He won’t be a-political. I can’t stand apathy. Have the balls to believe in something, please!

He won’t have long hair but he can be bald. He won’t be afraid to put the seat down and he’ll appreciate the fact I could care less which way the roll goes on the holder.

He won’t have facial hair, after all – I don’t.

He won’t drink wheat grass shots. I have tequila, way more fun. He won’t know what “Magic the gathering” is. But he’ll love playing poker. He won’t be a virgo. OK I admit, I just felt like throwing that in, I don’t think I care what sign he is actually

He won’t be afraid to smile when a camera comes out. But won’t bring one into the bedroom! He won’t mind if I go out with girlfriends on a Friday evening, but will understand why I may not be so keen on him going out with girlfriends on a Friday evening!

He won’t be put out by my suggesting a trip to another country with +/- 3 days to prepare. It happens with my work, and to the right man – could be fun! And if he can’t make it, he won’t fret at me going.

He won’t be seeing a therapist. He can work his own shit out. He won’t be scared of spiders.. only room for one wimp in the house!

And lucky last, he wont:

.. Mind me having a list of what I want cos he’ll probably have one of his own.

And maybe that last one is quite critical, for all I started to josh around near the end of the post. It comes down to the fact my man won’t mind me having a few quirky requirements and may indeed even have his own..

At the very least, he’ll have thought a bit about what he wants and what he brings to the table.. And wouldn’t be afraid to discuss it with me. That would work

Nasty or Nice – Which is best?

In a relationship, I mean.. You see I am by nature a nurturer (Try saying that after a few tequila shots!) If I care for someone, I enjoy taking care of them.  I think I have whined about it in previous posts: that I end up giving a lot to my ‘mate’ but that eventually he just sits back and goes ‘awright!’, takes anything on offer but stops giving back..

It doesn’t ever start that way, but inevitably goes there. So you have him lovin’ every minute of his life cos he’s with someone who’s kinda nice to him. Then you have me feeling used and under-appreciated. And you guessed it: ending the relationship.

A friend of mine recently became engaged to a man she’s been with for some time. All very exciting! I’ll talk more about that later because it means I’m coming to the US of A – so look out everyone!

But a few months before the engagement she was on the brink of tossing him out the door!

Without going into details, we talked about it at the time and she was really upset and on the verge of telling him to get out of her life. Then she updated me a few days later, after they’d had a “big talk” and said he was lovey dovey beyond comprehension, helpful.. nothing was a bother, he was positively doting on her.

She laughed and said “treat ‘em mean – keep ‘em keen!”

Now she isn’t actually the mean sort so she was more using the phrase to explain away how come this change had taken place. But it did make me wonder why she had to get to the brink of breaking it off before he finally went ‘oh she’s seriously upset, I better do something!”

i.e.: it took a drama before he took action.

So does that mean that maybe relationships are meant to be like this?

Maybe relationships are just like see saw rides?

They all start out WOOHOO! FUN! WHEEEE – LIFE IS GOOD! Up up and then – crash.. Bad .. Ok, let’s go back up … YAY .. It’s all good! Down down down …Thud. Or worse: they don’t even continue to see/saw – the other half gets off the damn thing, letting you crash to the ground.

We all know how much that hurts when it happens. Metaphorically speaking or otherwise..

But you know what else?

If they are like this and there’s nothing we can do about it then I don’t think I want one!

Because I cannot live that way. I strive for balance and peace .. Not in that annoying “peace, love and lentils” kinda way – this is about my head space.. my life. I enjoy things being calm and pleasant.

Not for me the dramas, the fights, the making up crap that seems to happen so much in modern day relationships..

So anyway, am I wrong, can a good relationship be anything other than a see saw ride?

Saw this pic above on a blog today when searching for “treat ‘em mean and keep ‘em keen” – sadly, this does seem to be the case, from men I’ve talked to on this topic. No wonder we’re all confused as hell in this game of love..

Fanning the flames

The other day I questioned whether old flames can be reignited or whether they really should just be left where they belong: in the past..

Yesterday’s epic (and godawful) hangover was a result of my going out on a “remember back when we were young and did this every weekend” sessh with a group of friends I once was very close to, when we all lived and worked overseas.

They’re visiting for the Summer and we’ve picked up where we left off, for the most part.. It’s quite neat.

One of these friends was my – I suppose you would call him “boyfriend”, back then. Eventually, life took us in different directions and we went our separate ways without any rancour or angst..  We’ve kept in vague contact but nothing much more than the odd email to the group etc.

But there is no denying that spark is still there .. It was obvious to all – even this chowderhead when it comes to matters of the heart - when we got together for a drink last Thursday.

Jump forward to today: I STILL feel like death warmed up. My head is pounding and I can’t stop leaning to the left, most disconcerting – not the least cos I was raised conservative. Ok, it hurts to laugh. Hush..

I realise I left you hanging with my “wtf happened?” entry yesterday and now feel very mean cos .. well .. let me tell you what happened..

NOTHING!

Well no, that’s not entirely true ..

First and very importantly: I found my other shoe.

It was in the foyer of my apartment building.. Some kind neighbour had found it and put it on display by our mailboxes.. I’m a little anxious about the video cameras in the foyer because yeah well some stuff went on in that foyer that perhaps ought not have. But remember: no one ever accused me of being overly bright..

I got one HELL of a fright when I did drag my sorry arse back out of bed, mid afternoon – because “HE” (no, NOT that HE!) was in my kitchen cooking up some eggs and toast..

Dressed only in his boxer shorts..

Yeah. I know.. My life is .. weird. And just so you don’t think he’s a complete weirdo – he was in his boxers because he had stayed the night not because he goes out dressed like that! LOL

Anyway, we sat and ate (Ok, I dry wretched my way thru’ a slice of toast) and tried to piece the evening together. The photos! I really hate the fact that everywhere one goes there’s some wanker with a fancy phone that takes good quality pics.

Bring back the grainy old ones where you could easily deny being the person in the pic, it was so hard to make out..

Without boring you with too much detail of the night (Code for: I can’t friggen remember to type it here) It turns out we’d ditched the group around 3am and come back to my place. Just HE and I..

There’d been some stuff take place in the foyer whilst I fumbled to clear my mailbox. Hence the shoe. We won’t ponder too long on quite why I felt the need to check my mail at 3am when I had a man with me.. perhaps refer earlier “not too bright” comment and leave it there.

We then came up to my apartment and proceeded to drink tequila shots.

I want to talk about tequila shots for a moment.

Why is it whenever someone has a hangover from tequila they sound shocked? I just gulped down a bunch of neat liquor, with the only thing watering it down a bit of salt and some friggen lime. Duh. Tequila is never a good thing to drink. Ever. And if you do – you deal with the fall out. Whingers be damned..

Says me who died yesterday and is still whinging about it

Fast forward, without going into too many gory details.. we actually got very dull during the tequila phase .. we sat talking. Reminiscing.. About the things we’d got up to back when we were together. It was quite lovely.. then came the tequila lay-backs. My belly button is still sticky after several showers.. I swear that stuff is nasty.

Eventually there was a little more kissing and stuff, but prudence won the day and he went off to sleep in the guest room and I went to sleep in my room. Or rather, passed out naked star-fished and snoring (I’m willing to bet) on the bed.

I am so hawt..

We spent yesterday evening together, went to the movies and had dinner. Or attempted to .. he drove me home, we parted and well, he’s due back here in an hour to take me out to brunch

What’s going on, I hear you ask?
Buggered if I know ..

But it’s nice ..

The morning after ..

Feeling a tiny bit delicate – I stumbled out of bed and headed to the kitchen in pursuit of drugs, cold water, coffee and if the gods were in a benevolent mood: I’d have taken death, also. It was a fun night out, or at least – a booze filled night, judging by the state of my aching head. Heck, even my eyeballs ache.

Cold water and drugs duly downed (coffee proved too difficult) I decided to head back to bed.

Almost tripped over this in the hallway:

Stand there (ok fine, lean there) looking down at my dress wondering.. I have a closet, for all I tend to hurl things into it and slam the doors shut before it all leaps out to attack me.. but for the life of me, I do not remember how my dress came to be on the floor in the hallway!

My body reminds me that I desecrated it severely on my big night out with my old flame and some friends, and that I really do need to go lay down – so I step over the dress, and make my way to the head.

Sitting on the er, throne (listing to the left ever so slightly) my eyes focus a bit more. And I note with some level of bemusement that my bra is in the bath. IN THE BATHTUB, really. By now my brain hurts as much as my eye balls.. trying to work out what happened..

But it’s still too much, bed calls..

Making my way down the hallway I stop in the doorway of my guest room. Indeed, at least I know I had my underwear on when I came home .. small mercies..

I make it safely back to my bedroom, collapse onto the bed and drift off to sleep, wondering ..

WTF happened last night?

And where in the hell is my other shoe!?

PS I’ll give $1m to the first person who brings me coffee, fried food (or at least a cheese burger, fries and some ice cold coke) Oh and and more drugs..

Can old flames be rekindled?

or did they die out for a reason?

Last night I was out with a group of friends who are visiting from Europe. I’ve not seen them in almost a decade but it was more distance that kept us (literally) apart, than anything else..

As is often the case in a small town – word got out of our gathering and at one point there was over a dozen of us sitting drinking & reminiscing, but eventually it dwindled down to the core group of us from the ‘old’ days and the memories came flooding back..

One of the guys was someone I had a fling with.. well, I guess you’d call it a fling. We spent the Summer together.. And since we all lived in the same villa, it meant we were virtually together the entire time. If we weren’t working, we’d be planning (or recovering from) some sort of fun activity, we did so love to party..

They were halcyon days, in far simpler times. God I sound like I’m 102 not 42 lol.. anyway .. they were good times and I have many fond memories of those days.

He’s since moved to London and is some hot shot banker – over here to visit family for the Summer.

Life has taken us both in fairly different directions but last night saw us reconnect in a very obvious way (NOT that way, you pervs!) I was pretty sure it was happening, but wasn’t entirely sure if it wasn’t more the sunshine, the booze.. or just my imagination.

It wasn’t until I was in the bathroom with a gal-pal (as we do!) who nudged me and pointed out that she could see the sparks flying too, that I realised it wasn’t my imagination.

I do wonder though..

A) What’s the point, he’s going to be here for just a few more weeks.

B) We didn’t work out originally. There was a reason.. although for the life of me I can’t really recall it .. But why go there a 2nd time when it didn’t work first time round?

But hey, no one ever accused me of being sensible, we’re all going out again on a bit of a drinks, dinner and dancing binge tonight – I shall keep you posted on how it pans out..

I’m getting the hang of this on-line dating thing!

I mentioned awhile ago that I’d signed up to a couple of dating sites and it’s fair to say that initially I found some aspects of the whole online thing a little off-putting, people seem a bit more invasive,  more aggressive with the safety net of a screen in front of them. However, I decided to put my misgivings aside and just get into the spirit of things, after all – if I want this to work I have to invest something too, right?

So, this morning I was sent notification that someone (2 someones, actually) had emailed me.. Very exciting indeed!

I duly logged in and set to having a read. After all, a few nice chats would ease the pain of being back at work today, I figured .. I’ve copied and pasted them below so you can enjoy them as much as I did. Bear in mind, each new line is a new message. The site I was on is not the nicest I’ve ever used ..

***

Hardbod4U: Wud u b put off by 11 inches babe?

Farce*: LOL, uh, depends where, I’m thinking <– trying to be nice, aren’t I good?

Hardbod4U: I’m in LA babe

Farce: Oh well then no, 11 inches wouldn’t faze me in the slightest! <– totally didn’t get it, did he?

Hardbod4U: Wud u like 2 swap pics babe?

Farce: All my pictures are on my profile, feel free to have a look if you’d like.. <– remember HE messaged me so he had to have seen ‘em already!!! $#@!

Hardbod4U: Fuck lady, ur gna get nowhere on this site wit ur attitude.

Farce: Er, really? What makes you say that?

Hardbod4U: Ur stuck up I wish u were here though ur hot

Farce: Thanks. Would you like to buy a vowel?

Hardbod4U: haha fk ur a bitch

Farce: (I know, I shouldn’t have, but oh come ON) And this week the letter “O” is on special, I can give you 3 for a dollar.

No reply for some reason … 

***

***

Benchpresser69: Hey

Farce: Hey there Benchpresser! Thanks for the msg – so, is that 69kg or 69lb you bench press?

BP69: Huh?

Farce: Just stares at the screen .. (And considers logging out)

***

(I’m no quitter)

***

GRainger: Hi. SWM/41. Do you have any baggage?

Farce: Baggage?

GRainger: Yeah Baggage.

Farce: I do have some very nice gucci suitcases, but I don’t know that I would loan them to a total stranger..

GRainger: hahah you’re funny <– liking the fact he uses apostrophes for all I didn’t understand his 1st msg lol 

Farce: Thanks, I am told I do have a good sense of humour. So, I have to ask – Why the baggage question?

GRainger: I hate chicks with kids. 

Farce: Oh fair enough, I hate kids too. They totally ruin your figure, and they never leave home – of this I am assured

GRainger: How many you got? I got 5. 

Farce:(fffffuuuuuuuuu) er, I have to run now – urgent meeting to attend. Take care .. <– he DID email me again, omg

***

Undeterred (for reasons that elude me!) I decided I’d take the bull by the horns and send a few messages myself! Apparently women never do this, so I thought this was something I’d have a hack at! I searched online profiles and found one that had a name I liked ..

Now I admit, I didn’t put too much in it, after all – if they don’t reply it is a bit of a waste of time and effort. Instead I kept it short and to the point. But topical, I thought!

***

Farce: Hey there, I like your handle. I choose life too!

IChooseLife: What do you mean?

***

Ok, fine NOW I quit.

*Not my online dating name but you all know me as this, so it’s easier.