Speed dating

Below is an actual email I received from someone off the dating website: Connecting singles. This guy had sent me 1 message saying “hi” and I duly responded with “Hi back” or something equally as scintillating .. Obviously my “play hard to get” ploy worked and his somewhat .. uh, enthusiastic (?) response is pasted below for your .. bemusement..

Where do I find them.. or HOW do they all find me, more to the point .. Sheesh! To make it easier to read I have inserted the occasional space, his original didn’t have any – which kinda made me want to stab myself in the eyes as I read it! Aren’t I good to you lot?

Read on:

Hi Dear,

I would like to use this privilege to tell you more about myself.

Well, my dad was originally from Aberdeen, United Kingdom but he nationalize in Switzerland where we use as our permanent home.

We spent most of our time in Switzerland and  my daughter and my mum lives there too, I grew up in different countries, I grew up in communist Bulgaria, but I’m happy because I had great childhood. I see how my parents love each other, and Presently I came to Aberdeen alone I speak with a Bulgarian accent, I hope you like this?

Because, when I came to this country I only spoke two words..

Thank I show my personality by working hard, for this reason, people respect me.

I will like to tell you more about myself but where do i start from okay,, United Kingdom.

I am the only son of my family and was born and brought up in a devoted christian family. I married but my wife passed away in an accident,

It all happened to me just like a dream. I have one daughter and she is 10 years old now. Her name is Tina, hope you will love her?.

I will like to talk about my job,i work in a ship and am the director of operations.

And my duties is to Act in the best interests of the company and in good faith at all times.

Prepares proposals for support of ship operations and for the acquisition of shipboard equipment and shipboard scientific equipment.

Recommends and implements policies pertaining to marine personnel and vessel operation. Maintains records of vessel utilization, structures, and regulatory and inspecting agency compliance. .

I would like to open up my heart to you, but I may lack the skill, or I’m short  for words, because my heart harbors so many good feelings towards you, that the dictionary seems to short to express all this,

My late father was a devoted christian and a philanthropist also a full time international contractor based in Asia, (Engineer) He worked in various ministries and organizations in the past and assisted many christian organizations both spiritually and financially.

Before enclosing this message, I would like to let you know that distance has nothing to do with our Friendship as long as god is there with us. I can come and meet with you wherever you are or will have you invited here. It may interest you to know that I prefer one-on-one conversation.

I am really interested in wanting to know about what makes you the special person you are today, I want to know more about your family,your background, your life experiences, past relationships, your goals and dreams, your interests, and anything else you want to tell me.

I even want to learn about the secrets you very rarely share with someone!.

So come on and share it all with me,about your country and what you working as ?

this is my cell phone no +447017962156,i will like to have some of your pictures and your cell phone number too.Well, remain blessed until I hear from you.

Your sincerely,

Dennis

So, dear readers I do hope you will all attend the wedding?

I’m sure it will be soon, if the speed he operates is anything to go by?
*grins*

Spam

I don’t get it.. actually that isn’t true I do get it. Lots of it! There’s a lot about it I don’t get though. What’s the point of spam? And is it computer generated or do people sit and type up the spam comments we all get in our dashboards each and every day?

Below is today’s spam comments.. And in light of the fact that it just seems rude to ignore them, I have sent them all replies. Do you suppose they’ll all then reply to my reply to their reply?? Yikes..

You could certainly see your expertise in the work you write. The world hopes for even more passionate writers like you who are not afraid to say how they believe.

What can I say. I have specialised in fucking up relationships and not being able to keep a man for many a year now. (sigh)

Hey! This is my first comment here so I just wanted to tell you that I enjoy reading your articles. Can you recommend any other blogs/websites/forums that go over the same subjects?

Not wishing to be rude or anything, especially since you’re a comment virgin, but have you tried the search function? Was it good for you?

Would you be fascinated with exchanging links?

I wasn’t til you mentioned it now I feel like I should be. Perhaps if you would give me 21 good reasons why I should be fascinated with exchanging links and we can talk some more? Thanks ever so much.

Greetings from Darwin, Australia. My name is Nicky. I am a nineteen year old business student. I found this post when I was doing some research for my university assignment. Thanks for your work. I now have a lot more direction. 

I’m intrigued. What the heck do you Aussies have in your curriculum that you could learn ANYTHING from my blog? Actually, don’t tell me, I’m cynical and stressed out enough as it is.

My brother recommended I may like this website. He was once totally right. This publish actually made my day. You cannot imagine simply how so much time I had spent for this info!

You are right, I cannot. I am, however, mildly concerned that your brother told you to check out my fuck buddy post. PS Are you from Tasmania? 

Thanks a bunch for sharing this with all folks you actually understand what you’re speaking approximately! Bookmarked. Kindly additionally discuss with my site =). We may have a hyperlink exchange contract between us as I feel I love you heartlfeltly.

Thank you for your kind words however in the interests of being a better person .. I am pretty sure that a friend of mine .. a lovely lady who goes by the name of Heellis would love to hear from you, flick her a comment on her blog! Or better yet, send her some dick pics. She lives for those. 

Its like you read my thoughts! You appear to know a lot approximately this, like you wrote the guide in it or something. I feel that you can do with some percent to drive the message house a bit, however instead of that, that is magnificent blog. A fantastic read. I’ll definitely be back.

Clearly I need to drink more.

Hi from Woollongabba, Australia. My name is Nicky. I am a nineteen year old law student. I Googled this blog when I was doing some research for my college assignment. Thank you for your help. I now have a lot more direction

I have a question: Has anyone ever pointed at you and laughed when you say Hi I’m from WOOLLONGABBA? 

I do not even understand how I ended up right here, however I assumed this post was great. I do not recognise who you might be but definitely you are going to a well-known blogger for those who are not already.

I’m famous in my own mind, my own lunchtime AND yeah well that’s about it really. Well done finding my blog even tho you have no clue how. That took skill. 

Уважаемые читатели.

У многих из Вас есть маленькие дети, которые мечтают побывать на Новогодней Елке!

Когда приближается новый год билеты на елку, разумеется, расходятся быстро. Но ежегодно есть и еще одна общая черта – никто и никогда не знает, что именно будет на кремлёвской ёлке. Малышам преподносят сюрприз, и только они, те, кто смог пройти за стены Кремлевского Дворца, смогут узнать все тайны, смогут рассказать, что за сказка им открылась. Родителям нужно учесть, что продажа билетов на новогодние елкиначинается заранее, и нужно поспешить, чтобы стоимость кремлевской елкиименно для вас оказалась приемлемой, чтобы успеть подобрать нужную вам дату и время.

Закажите билеты на кремлевскую елкупрямо сейчас! Телефон: +7 (495) 545-17-57.

My Russian is a little rusky er rusty, but I think this is an advert for a hot, big titted russian bride. I translated the number for anyone who’s keen.. (And sent her the names of every man who’s viewed my blog .. hur hur) 

And lucky last:

1] IGNORE THIS PLEASE