My life is a crisis!?
As part of the break up “process”, my ex sent me a half a dozen or more emails begging me to talk to him. Asking me if we couldn’t try again. Fretting about a bunch of things til eventually it got to him just worrying about his future, the animals, house etc.
He’s very practical so got to the logic phase quite fast and then (with me still not engaging in replying to all his emails) he got mad and slagged me off, saying I “lurched from crisis to crisis” and that he’d hoped to protect me from that. He also added that for “all my faults” he’d know of them when we got together..
Now let me back up before you start thinking he’s a complete and utter jack ass.. He really isn’t. He’s a very earnest and serious guy. And we talked a lot in the early days of our relationship. We had to, we live 900 miles apart – talk was all we could bloody do!
So we got to know each other really well.. We shared a lot. It was kinda cool. Maybe the lesson learned is that if you share too much too soon ya run outta things to find interesting?
Especially when your world becomes quite narrow in what you do, as his did once we got together. Long story and I won’t go into it but I kept busy and he slowed right down into a very routine sort of world.
He likes that, it’s how he was raised. Me, I prefer a bit of excitement and change. Always have.. So a fundamental difference. But one that worked for a time.
However his “you lurch from crisis to crisis” got me to thinking.
I’ll admit, I was mildly offended when I first read it.. then I forwarded it to a 3 girlfriends. All of whom picked up on that and his “I accepted you for all your flaws” and got mightily huffy / defensive of me – gotta love good pals 😉
Anyway I’m laying in bed 2 days ago and it dawned on me. I wasn’t “lurching from crisis to crisis”, I was having a life!
Life is about doing things.
Tripping over. Picking yourself up, dusting your knees off and going “bugger, that hurt – let’s try not to do it again” and moving on. Life is about doing stuff. Sure, that stuff may be the mundane. Working, grocery shopping, vacuuming & laundry. But it can also be about the excitement of new experiences.
My ex is very very good at staying away from new experiences. That he met me was almost a ‘life time’ of excitement (by that I mean it was about all he had in him, to do something as ‘scary’ as travel to meet a strange woman almost 1000 miles away from where he’d spent his entire, secluded and sheltered life.)
Which explains why he thinks my life is me lurching (how rood!) from crisis to crisis when I see it more as me experiencing a bunch of things. Some neat, some nasty. Some I wish & plan to do again, I enjoyed them so much. Others I avoid as best I can cos they hurt like hell.
Life is about learning. Living. Loving. It’s about lessons. It’s about not having that godawful moment of realisation that so many people must have, near the end of their days .. “If ONLY I had tried X” or something similar.
And so it is with some sense of acceptance and peace that I say to anyone who asks: if this is me lurching from crisis to crisis – bring it on.
I choose to experience new things and accept that some I will not enjoy but ya know what? I’m happy to try 10 new things and find a bunch of them to be than ideal than experience nothing new and never know..