At what point did it change?
He’s asked me that ~ and I’m struggling to answer .. When did it all change? At what point did I go “No more.” I know it was a slow process..I didn’t wake up randomly one morning and go “that’s it, I’m dumping him”
I gradually moved to that over a period of a couple of years of going ‘hmm this aint that cool..’ And realising that we’d slipped into that place of relationship no-return. That point in a relationship whereby one or the other is simply subsisting.
At that realisation is when one starts to critically evaluate what’s going on. What’s not right.. I think initially, it’ll be to determine if in fact it can be ‘put’ right? Maybe this is when counselling is meant to help? I don’t know. All I do know is that I want more than subsistence..
And so it is that (mentally) I got to the point where I was ok with not having him in my world any more. That sounds callous but don’t get me wrong: it wasn’t an easy decision however it was the right one. Of that I have no doubt.
It’s that lack of doubt that gets me thru’ when I feel alone or am told off by family members for being ‘fickle’ .. or my personal fave: for daring to end 3 relationships in my lifetime because I didn’t find them to be what I needed.. But that’s another post, for another day.
I must admit tho, I do feel sorry for people who never wake up to what they’re doing .. never man up and go ‘this isn’t ok and I’m worth something more’ or even harder: “I’m ok on my own”. Instead they stick it out and miserably go about their daily lives.
Not for me thank you – this isn’t a dress rehearsal, this is my life and I plan to live it and live it happily! And if that means being on my own: so be it.