A good long term relationship – Mission impossible?

My ex recently sent me an email saying he felt I was destined to experience short-lived, exciting times with men, but never a long-term [good] relationship.

We’d been together almost 8-years when I ended things last month.. He didn’t see it coming and he’s feeling a tad pissy.

Back in our early weeks, months and I’d even say we managed to go into years – we’d been fabulous. And this was against my better judgement.. hmm, I better back up: so I met this guy online .. We chatted for some weeks and they were great weeks. He gave great email!

Without going into personal details, our first mtg was an entire week of smiles and enjoyment. I was actually casually seeing someone else, someone probably more suited to me – but this guy came along and literally swept me off my feet.

I well recall the exact moment I decided “I’m going to give this a go!” It felt good.. And I truly gave it my best shot..

Interestingly, I don’t think I really can pin point the exact moment when I realised it was over, I think it was more a series of non-events that made me go ‘oh’ til I started to evaluate things and realised it (us) was not working any more.

So, is it possible he’s right? Do I constantly crave the “beginning” phase of a relationship? It is a lovely phase, those early days of a new relationship, let’s be honest! Who doesn’t enjoy those days!?

But having done some soul searching this last few days, I don’t think it’s a fair assessment, especially not in this case..  If I’d ended the relationship 8 days or 8 weeks into it, I could perhaps understand. But 8-years can hardly be called “a flash in the pan!”

You know what though? I really do want to know how happy couples keep their relationships flourishing.

What stops their relationship from drifting slowly into that wasteland of “existance” as opposed to those wonderful early days in a relationship when the mere thought of the other makes for slightly smug smiles and warm fuzzies?

Something tells me it’s not attainable, but for now I think I will continue to hope it is ..


About lifeinthefarcelane

Giving life the shake down it so richly deserves.

Posted on August 1, 2011, in Change, Grief, Humour, Life, Optimism and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 11 Comments.

  1. “You know what though? I really do want to know how happy couples keep their relationships flourishing.”


  2. I think they must make the choice to stay, regardless of how good it feels. I’m very curious what wasn’t working for you in this eight-year relationship. (And you’re right, eight years hardly is a flash in the pan.) Maybe you wrote about the reasons for the breakup in earlier posts. I too recently broke up with a man (at the one-year mark), and I’m having post-breakup remorse. I wish there was a way to know for certain whether one should stay, or one should go.

    • mmm for me I had no regrets, I knew it was right .. for all that we’re now friends again and loving 1000miles apart lol.. Do you miss the idea of a relationship or THE relationship? What wasnt working for me was I was bored, and the sex was appallingly bad. There ya have it 😉

  3. Awww…You haven’t met me yet! Come visit and I may change your mind! It will get better Gorgeous. Believe me I have the same problem and I am a man half way around the world.The difference is I am quite confident… If I was DTR and had my hands on your thigh well we would have had a different ending to your night and I am a gentleman! Keep your chin up and hell come for a vacation I would definitely treat you like the Gorgeous Queen you are!

  4. Well, I’ve been married to the same man for almost 36 years, and we’re still crazy about each other. That’s not to say there haven’t been times we’ve disagreed, gotten mad at one another, or driven one another nuts. Most importantly, you put your spouse first in your relationship – not your kids, not your mother, not your girls/guys-night-out bunch. When you show respect and love for each other, it just follows naturally that your spouse is going to want to please you, and you want to please your spouse.
    There’s also got to be compromise – you can’t always expect to get your way, or have things exactly how you want it. The relationship is not 50/50, either – sometimes, it’s going to be 60/40 or 25/75. You just gotta roll with it. When I became engaged, and my dad had given the okay to my very nervous boyfriend, my dad later told me: “Don’t go into marriage expecting to change anything you might happen to not like about this guy. If it bothers you to the point you think you can’t live with it, you think hard about marrying him.” Pretty smart dad.
    Then of course, there’s honesty. Gotta have it – on both sides. Talk to each other, and keep those lines of communication open. The times we’ve gotten the most upset with each other have almost always been due to miscommunication.
    So, if you want this person to be the most important person in your life, you have to treat them as such! With love, respect, and honesty. Then the rest of it, like the compromising, and helping each other out, just falls into place.
    We’ve survived separations and moves every 3 years due to his military career, and raised 3 daughters who’ve gone on to marry great guys. Now we’re starting to travel a bit, and love spending time together.
    I’ve written a lot, and apologize if it was too much! Hope it helps.

    • That is a totally cool comment, thank you! Well done you (both!) 🙂 Thanks ..

      • That was a fabulous reply but I will say.. However, from my 10 yrs that crashed, it unfortunately doesn’t always follow that he’ll want to please you. I think there is certainly something to be said for marrying the right man. Then again, I can always rely on my more cynical replu– nothing is ever certain in life.

        What I do know is your ex is a jack ass for saying what he said.

  5. Yeah, I wonder the same thing. Separated from my ex-wife 2 years ago and for awhile I wondered if I just wanted to be single forever. It IS pretty fun, lots of variety, etc. But as I get older I think I’m feeling like I don’t want that forever and that I would like to try a serious relationship again at some point. All that is to say, don’t stress about that stuff now. You just got out of an 8 year relationship…take some time…

    ..and enjoy being single! Don’t beat yourself up over it. Just don’t date anyone who has a blog, because from what I’ve read, those blog people suck at relationships. : )

    • I’ve heard they’re shockers, too true!! lmao .. You know, your comment made me sit up and slap myself (Mentally, anyway). ffs I AM an impatient tart! It’s been 5 minutes since I ended an 8yr relationship and I’m fretting about the next one.

      Therein lies the problem.

      Everyone I know keeps asking me about my love life (bastards only do it to make themselves feel superior, I’m gonna start making stuff up I’ve decided lol) and / or well meaning relations say things like “oh dear, you’re going to be alone for Xmas” .. mm look how well that idea works doh @ last night’s drunken blog entry!!

      I know – it’s gonna be Xmas here when it’s Xmas eve in the USA – so you all have to come keep me company here on my blog – do we have a deal?

      I can host my own pity party. Geez. I should so go into marketing lol

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