Falling out of love
Originally I started this blog to “dump” when things got too much, mentally. (And to prevent my friends from going “@!*%$! it’s her again.. I’ll let this one go to voicemail..”) As I navigated my way thru’ ending a long term relationship.
Lately however, I’ve used it to lament the fact that I think love is a pile of donkeyshit.. Could be I’m in the bitter/twisted phase of a relationship split? 😉
Well let me bring you back up to date on the actual events associated with this split, as opposed to my mental state of mind, relating to this split.. Both are messy hah!
The ex and I bought a house together and renovated it extensively in our ‘early days’.
Maybe I shoulda known then? Neither of us are into this sort of thing, even remotely .. but it gave us something in common? Hmm.. Anyway we did enjoy it for the most part but especially I think we enjoyed having a beautiful home to show off, at the end of it.
In reality we had a house, not a home. Cos we were virtual strangers rattling around in it .. Something that grew worse with every passing year.
I wont go into details of our lives together but to say that he’s a night owl. I’m a morning person. I’d get up around 4am most days and happily potter around doing my own thing before heading to work.
He’d sleep late but stay up late. Working from home meant he could do his own thing.. We’d almost always eat dinner together, we’d cook and then eat together .. but when I think about it, we’d always flick the telly on, in recent years anyway.
In those early days we’d sit facing each other .. eating .. talking and just delighting in ‘being’ with each other.
What the hell changed!?
Clearly lots. Maybe it was me .. maybe it was him – probably it was both of us.
I can’t exactly pin-point the moment I realised it was on the downward slope .. us, that is. I just know that as we drifted further and further apart, I was okay with that happening .. And didn’t put any measures in place to stop it.
Is this when I should have suggested counselling?
I’ll be honest, counselling appeals to me about as much as poking a burning paint brush up my ass.
Just to be clear: I aspire to do neither!
I ask this question about counselling because I’ve been told off for not having some and for simply ending the relationship.
Simply, yuh huh it was SO simple. NOT! People who tend to make statements like that have never ever done it, least that has been my experience in this instance.
Problem is he’s a nice enough guy and everyone* loved him so I’m the villain – even to my own family. That really pisses me off but I will save that for a-whole-nother rant!
*Everyone except me. Bummer considering I was the one engaged to him huh.
PS I know, proofing before posting, that this actually isn’t an update on what I’ve been doing since the split it’s yet another rant, but oh well 😉