There is no easy way to end it, is there?
Make a new plan Stan – done. No need to be coy, Roy – OK. Drop off the key, Lee (It’s my key, damnit) Just get yourself free – Sorted! Those who regularly read my dribble will know that I really, really struggled with telling my partner of 8 or so years that we were over.
In ‘break-ups past’ I would make use of lines such as “I need to be by myself right now”, “I’ve got to leave town for work” (very handy that one – but only use it if they’re wedded to their job or they may offer to up stakes too! I’ve had that situation arise before – very tricky!)
Then there’s the old standby: “It’s not you, it’s me”.. I have to admit, that one pisses me off when it’s used on me, cos ya know there’s no arguing it .. that’s the most simple break up line ever! 😉
The break up scenario that I hate the most, and the one we’ve all experienced I am sure – is the “drop off the planet” method. They simply stop contacting you. Never return your calls.. you never hear from them again just “all of a sudden”.
Leaving you to wonder wtf went wrong, what you did wrong. Dazed, confused and wondering why, why, why!? Moving on from those relationships is, in my experience, one of the hardest to do. We should all make a pact and never ever do it to anyone, ever again. Do unto others, etc?
Anyway, in the case of this break up – I knew I couldn’t use any of my standard lines. I felt he “deserved” better. I wanted to be thoughtful but firm. Not give any hope, but not be harsh or cruel.
As it turns out, breaking up with someone who didn’t see it coming is harsh and cruel but I was trying to do the best I could, given the circumstances.
I rehearsed 11 different speeches, all of which sucked. I contemplated sending an email or text (unforgiveable, in my view!). Heck, I even toyed with dropping off the planet. Cowardly, was perhaps the best way to describe how I was feeling as I went into this break up!
In the end I went with “It’s not working, you have to see this?” (then quickly – before he started to reply to my question) I went for the “bandaid off in one hit” approach, and said: “I don’t love you any more“.
That line proved to be really helpful, in hindsight. Because WHO wants to be with someone that doesn’t love them? Sure – we may not want to break up, but deep down we don’t want to be with someone who’s not that into us.
As harsh as the words “I don’t love you” are, they left NO room for false hope, they let him see that I was serious and I was able to extricate myself without too much emotional trauma at that time.
Of course, he recovered his composure once the shock wore of and sent a few heart wrenching emails in the hours that followed but I was travelling, so luckily was able to ignore them.
And as harsh as that sounds: ignoring them meant he moved into the “#!@*%! you” stage quickly and we were able to progress into “Now what do we do”, the practicalities of breaking up almost a decade of life together.
So, for all that I was sensitive, the reality is that during any break up: one half of the couple is turning the other’s world upside down – it hurts and there will be dramas.
If only we could step away from our own feelings of hurt and distress when we are dumped and remember times when we’ve dumped someone and how hard it was for us, maybe all splits would be simpler?
Yeah, right .. who am I kidding 😉
Breaking up is hard to do.