It’s OK to die old & alone!

Why is everyone soo all fired up about the notion that someone might die alone? In many ways I think it’d be ideal. If nothing else it saves your family / loved ones the trauma of watching you die .. 

And trust me, it makes sod all difference to how you feel being there or being told once it’s happened, when someone dies. And I think I am qualified to say this – last year I held my Mother, while she died. This year someone I cared deeply for died in another city and I was told via text.

It felt shit either way.

But back to my ranting topic..

An old aunt of mine who has “stuck by her man” (even tho they hate each other) said to me this morning:

“Well don’t come crying to me when you die old and alone!”.

I just managed to resist the urge to point out she’d have long kicked the bucket before I get to wear the title “old”, instead gritting my teeth and saying “it’ll be ok, I am sure…” dutiful niece that I am..

I then had the pleasure of sitting thru a further tirade on how us “silly girls” (I’m 41 for god’s sake, hardly a gal much as I like to think I aint middle aged or that grown up lol) expect life to be so much more than we really should.

WTF?

Why shouldn’t we aim high? Why is it OK to accept mediocrity in our lives? Since when did we become so worthless than we should just “put up with it” .. whatever it may be.

I made a reference to her being in a miserable marriage – she is. And admits it, on her more honest days. Divorced young, with kids and no income .. her requirements were simple: survival and provision.

A man presented who wasn’t completely awful, who had money or at the least: an income source. Voila: A match made in heaven. For her, if nothing else.

In exchange for providing for her and her children, he gets nagged at over meals, lives in a clean house and has a bunch of other things he probably doesn’t value that much.

Yet they both choose to stay together, miserably and hey it’s their lives – good luck to them. That does however, mean they are completely unable to comprehend the notion of someone ending a relationship “simply” to seek something better.

As those of us who’ve been brave enough to do exactly that, ending a relationship is anything BUT simple. I didn’t bother going there though. In the same way as I didn’t bother explaining that I didn’t plan to die old and alone but that I might just be ok if that did happen too.

Some things are just too hard to explain..

For now, I will continue my journey of self discovery (which thus far is more questions than answers damnit, lol) as I try to work out what this whole love & happiness thing is about.

Lucky for me I like my own company..

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About lifeinthefarcelane

Giving life the shake down it so richly deserves.

Posted on September 19, 2011, in Change, Happy-ness, Hope, Humour, Life, Love, Relationships and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 22 Comments.

  1. Wow! That note at the end summed up everything for me. Personally, I’m okay either way. I wasn’t born a twin so I’m perfectly fine with dying alone.

  2. It was a great lil note wasn’t it! Not entirely aligned to my post but I liked it so what the heck *grin* Thanks for the comment 🙂

  3. Top post, life!

    Sod ’em all, I say 😀

  4. As usual I agree! Not to mention that staying in a miserable relationship is wasting the other person’s time so I think being honest is the best way to go for all involved.

    • I’ve not thought of it in that way before, about wasting their time! THAT could be a useful thing to use in the “it’s over” discussion. “Do you want to be with me while I don’t want to be with you?” Problem is, some people will say yes lol

  5. You are so right..we should never settle. You will know when someone is right for you because you will not have to decipher their intentions. Trust your gut…it will not steer you wrong.

    • Hmm I wonder at my instincts at times. I think they need fine tuning. But 100% agree, settling (in any way) is not something I recommend nor am good at. Assuming we only get one shot at life, I wanna extract all that I can from it. Regret has got to be the worst emotion to feel on one’s death bed.

  6. I love this post. While struggling with the decision to end my marriage, I received more than a few “but if you do that, you’ll be all alone” comments. I may be alone now and it may not be easy but I have the chance to figure out what the hell is going to make me happy instead of being miserable. And if I die alone at least I’ll die a happier person than I was before!

    • It really really annoys me how people assume you’ve not already HAD those same thoughts and instead set to telling you again. Instead of saying “wow, big decision I hope it goes well for you”. People seem to need to be negatively geared toward people who “break the mould” or do anything a bit scary. And let’s face it, ending a marriage is damn scary and huge so not one we do lightly!! My theory is we make them feel uncomfortable cos they’re not ballsy enough to do so, which in turn means they want to find fault with your decision to make themselves feel better! (Thanks for your comment!)

  7. Just wanted you to know that I have nominated you for the Versatile Blogger Award. Go to my blog for more information. http://lifeisabowlofkibble.wordpress.com/2011/09/20/look-what-i-got-last-night/. I wish you luck on this. I tripled my viewings in one night after I got this.

  8. Although I am married with children, I think that your opinion on this is great. Marriage and trying to raise a family is so incredibly difficult. Sometimes it is very rewarding, but sometimes being single is very rewarding. If I could give you any advice (not that I am qualified), I would tell you to do what you love regardless of whether anyone is with you or not. I think you have a great attitude and outlook. Don’t let pessimistic people hold you back. You might want to show your aunt: http://wp.me/p1Cvgh-4o

    • thank you for your comments. I am sure my blog shows how confused and completely hopeless I am but everyone is very kind *grin* I will go read that site soon, just popping out for some retail therapy but wanted to acknowledge your comment first!

  9. Just to let you know, I’ve nominated your blog for THE VERSATILE BLOGGER AWARD! Come check out my post and see what you think.
    http://heellisgoa.com/2011/09/21/the-versatile-blogger-award/

  10. I can easily relate to your posts!

  11. I would rather die alone. I would rather my loved ones remember me just as I always am up,positive and on to another adventure. I wouldn’t want them to see me any other way. And because of that strong feeling, I would not tell anyone I was dying.

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