Not-so-great Expectations

“I disappear into the person I love .. I am your permeable membrane .. if I love you, you can have it all .. <snip> I will give you all this and more until the only way I can recover is by becoming infatuated with someone else..”

Life in the slow lane last night saw me watching a movie the name of which eludes me but it had Julia Roberts drifting around trying to find herself in Europe.

Now this movie pissed me off for a number of reasons not the least being the fact that the rest of us have to “find ourselves” during the evenings after work, or whilst being single parents or whatever. Poor baby in Roma.. !

But also I get the feeling she did still love her husband and that they get back together before the movie ends. I dunno.. I stopped watching it part way when I realised it was putting me off my tea.

However, for all I criticise the movie, the lines I’ve quoted below made me actually rewind to listen again.

I disappear into the person I love. Translation: I stop being me.. I am swallowed up into your world. I am not important, you are. I’m lost but in love. I love it but I hate it ..?

If I love you, you can have it all. Translation: This one confuses me. You can have what all? Me? My heart, my devotion, my adoration .. ? My self worth .. ? What do you think this line means?

I will give you this and more til I become bored. Translation: I’m right, in altering this one yes?Infatuation indicates it wasn’t love, right? So the entire sentence is bollocks really.

But the key message is: What I offer (i.e.: what I DO of my own volition) is unsustainable and I can’t maintain it so I end things and go find someone else to lavish all my love and attention on. Whether the poor bastard is ready for it, wants it or can take it!

I think the 1st and last lines really resonated with me when I think about my relationship history. I do get lost in my man when I think I love him. It’s all consuming. I’m like a spotty 19yo virgin who’s just dying to meet Mr Right, do the white picket fence, labrador, 2.5 kids, cup cakes and happily ever after.

Problem is I get bored because I pick the wrong guy? I get bored because he isn’t feasibly able to sustain the amount of attention I seek in exchange for what I give him even tho he didn’t even want or need what I gave him?

Somewhere in the dim recesses of my mind a light bulb is starting to flicker .. I need to think on this some more cos I think Julia may just have helped me stumble across one of the things that fucks up so many of my relationships ..


About lifeinthefarcelane

Giving life the shake down it so richly deserves.

Posted on September 27, 2011, in Hope, Humour, Life, Love, Optimism, Rants, Relationships and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 9 Comments.

  1. I can’t tell you how much I look forward to your post. Another good one.

  2. Wow. You’ll need to upgrade to the “Freudian Blog Package” in order to accommodate all the comments I could post here. In the interest of saving you white space I think I’ve pegged myself pretty well when I say, “I am so guy-like in my thinking that it makes me appear low maintenance. So low, in fact that men grow suspicious of when the eminent shit storm of crazy is going to rain down on them. That’s when they freak and take off. After a couple of stalker-free weeks they realize the storm was all in their minds, so they soldier up and come knocking on my door, only to have it open wide and reveal soon-to-bolt guy number two.”

    That is my love-life cycle.

  3. lmao .. one day I am SO gonna come to your side of earth and meet you.. and sit and swig back a few margaritas (or scotches, since you’re a man in a woman’s kit!) 😉

    See, this is where you’re inspiring more rants cos I am low maint .. in some ways .. (Might blog them vs comment them) but OMG I am also a complete nut job high maintenance bitch and that really fucks me off now I’ve actually typed out the words cos I prided myself for the last hundred years on being not complicated, nor normal and annoying like most (sorry gals) women are ..

    grrrr where’s that online restraining order form!!??!?!

    Did love your comment about them worrying needlessly. I need to think on that cos I wonder if I am a bit that way but worse in that I am low stress but high maintenance if that means anything?

    Maybe we should call it the spin cycle!?

    • Come anytime you want! Bring Scotch!

      I’ve found that the truly high maintenance, nut job women would never have a clue that anything they want or how they behave is out of the realm of reasonable. The fact that you’ve applied any sort of introspection on the matter leaves me to believe that you just want the best for yourself. And since that’s exactly how I’m raising my daughter I say you’re doing fine, and that you just haven’t met the right guy yet.

      • OK Duty free 18yr old Scotch here we come! WOO! I’ve always wanted to see the trees in Autumn there. Maybe one day .. Anyway back to nut job females.. 😉

        I think it’s critical to raise a daughter to think she IS worth seeking out something pretty damn awesome, good for you! There will be a line between raising ’em to be confident but not arrogant (viz alone and unable to catch Mr Right) but I know it can be done and it’s doing the girl (and her ultimate mate!) a favour to boot!

  4. Hey Jealousy by Gin Blossoms applies here: “If you don’t expect too much from me, you might not be let down.” I think line number two refers to physical or horizontal conversation, or “conversation”, but maybe more. It could be Rolling in the Deep by Adele “We could have had it all, rolling in the deep”, but it could just as easily be the rest of her cheesecake.

  5. My Y chromosome forbid me to watch this movie.

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