Dumping a control freak

Why is it so hard for some of us to allow a “relationship” to end? Or maybe my question is more: “What makes us cling on to the damn thing even when its obvious to everyone else that it’s in the death throes”?

Guilty of this myself – more than once – it is something I occasionally find myself pondering and today it’s the fault of a fellow blogger for his comment on my “love is stupid” post.

See now I’m oh-so-wise when it comes to dispensing relationship advice to friends. Of course, to cover myself I always add the proviso: “Dunno why you ask me, hell I can’t hold down a relationship either ..” but in reality my advice is generally sensible, albeit impossible for me to follow it.

Yeah I know. Logic PLUS.. Shaddup.. 

Anyhoo .. I’m sitting here thinking back to times when I kinda know we’re either on the skids or completely over .. and yet I hang on for grim death.. I turn into “that” chick .. whining, being clingy, being all the things I despise in others..

In my case I suspect it’s a control thing, hence the title of this entry (which started out as “know when to fold ’em”) cos I can end a relationship without hesitation if it’s MY idea. But if he says it’s over – by god do I struggle to deal with it.

Is everyone out there the same?

And if you aren’t, how the hell do you handle the rejection without becoming a babbling brainless bore who drives his / her friends to distraction (and generally acts like a complete moron) for x period of time..?


About lifeinthefarcelane

Giving life the shake down it so richly deserves.

Posted on October 8, 2011, in Grief, Humour, Life, Love, Rants, Relationships, Stress and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 12 Comments.

  1. How do I handle it when my girlfriend tells me that it’s over? Hmm. Now that I think of it, that has never happened to me. Three times I came home to find my girlfriend and all her belongings gone from the apartment and in each case, I could never get the girl to answer her phone and talk to me, or to reply to my emails. Four times I came home to find all my stuff out on the sidewalk. In those cases, I could never get the girl to answer her door and talk to me.

    I do think that in all seven cases, it wasn’t anything that I did. I never took it personally. The girls were probably just having a bad day. I’ve heard that there is something called “monthlies” that can cause such behavior. I’m going to ask my next girlfriend about this before we move in together.

    • A bad day doesn’t allow enough time to pack all your belongings so it was a pre-meditated thing sorry to tell ya .. (Cos ya know a bad “monthly” day we’re too busy eating ice cream and watching chick flicks! 😉

  2. I think everyone is entitled to act like a babbling brainless bore for at least a little while. A good friend lets you cry when you need to, and then let’s you know when it’s time to stop.

    • True .. I have some amazing friends and love love love how they try to keep up with the roller coaster of emotions at times like the one I’ve blogged here. It’s awesome.

      • I was just thinking back to your “I can end a relationship” post the other day, and wondered if there wasn’t something about what I wrote in the comments that I might be able to improve. I am definitely inspired by the hopefulness you show toward new relationships. Maybe I need to be braver like you.

  3. Have you tried alcohol?

    • How do you think I got into my last bad relationship? Not that you need to worry about stuff like this but a Mayhem concert, a semi-pro wrestler and Jose Cuervo DO NOT mix.

  4. I don’t know… make it a midget wrestler and you’ve got a party.

  5. I think I filled the small person quota for the day.

    • I think you’re sensible in that you are avoiding being hurt .. but for all I hate the mind-fuck that comes with breaking up (be they messy, or not) and I get so fed up wondering what my relationship “lessons” are meant to teach me.. I still refuse to give up on it.

      I’d rather go to my grave trying to meet Mr “right” than ever lay on my death bed thinking “wish I’d given it a better shot .. ”

      Regret is one emotion I really really dislike..

  6. You can’t hit the ball unless you step up to the plate and keep in mind that a .370 batting avg is smokin’.

  7. I’ve just recently started following you; however, I am simply amazed at how similar our words are. I, too am sought out by friends to provide advice on relationships and things in general and I am ALWAYS spot-on; however, I will also attest that I have no idea why as I have yet to have a successful relationship of my own. I truly enjoy reading your posts and LOVE how I’ve found a kinship via WordPress! Great writing!

    I, too am guilty of if I call it over – GO! Yet, if someone, even, the someone I did not/do not want says Goodbye, I switch into overdrive.

    I’ve found that if I write them something whether I send it or not… I am able to put it to bed, figuratively. I have put my thoughts etc. into the universe and I go on with my day. I am not saying that it is always a quick switch; however, once you’ve said everything that you’ve wanted to whether or not they read it… is not relevant. Just write it here or elsewhere and then wave adieu!

    Just my 2 cents, but, then again… I can give (what I’ve been told is great advice); however, I have yet to be successful in my own lane.

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