What do men want?

This is a genuine Q for the men out there. Here’s your chance to get us wimmen sorted once and for all! I want to know what you want from females / from a relationship. (If you’re gay, you are likely to skew my results so be-have, thank you!) cos I am prepared to go on record as saying I think I KNOW what a man wants from a woman but I’d love some debate on this, from boys and girls alike.

See I think part of the problem with relationships is that both parties – whilst cheerfully entering into the relationship – fundamentally want different things from said relationship!

Anyway, I want some answers from real people not articles .. And as previously stated, I am prepared to go on a limb and say what I, in my experience – think men want or value from a woman in a relationship. Here goes:

1. He wants you to look good. He wants to get a buzz when he takes you to work functions or to hang with his mates and they check you out. But don’t panic, you do not need to be a super model, after all: he signed up for you looking as you do now. But he will appreciate you taking pride in how you look even after you’re an item.

Oh and ladies: he doesn’t want to know about lip bleach, brazilians or leg waxing. Ever.

2. He wants to think that you’re interested in his job, his car, in things he finds interesting. But he doesn’t necessarily want you to come to footy with him or to hang out with him and his mates. There is a line. Find out where it is and don’t cross it without invitation.

3. He wants to feel that you believe in him. Obviously if he thinks he is going to the moon and he’s a street sweeper, there may be some issues to deal with but overall “supporting” your man is important.

4. He wants you to be a firecracker in the sack. Not to be squeamish.. Well, if he suggests extensive use of gimp gags then by all means – squeam away! But he wants to have regular sex with you and not feel like he’s a hassle or that he isn’t the best lover you’ve ever had.

And never .. ever .. discuss your ex’s performance in the sack. Never. In the back of his mind, your man will wonder if you do (or will do) the same about him..

5. He wants you to cook for him. Sorry but he does.. Even if you’re no Nigella in the kitchen. It’s that whole Mother / nurture thing. They are hard-wired to enjoy it.

Trick for young players though: Start as you mean to go on. If you don’t mind cooking every single meal for the duration of your relationship then push him out of the kitchen in those early days.

He’ll soon stop trying to help and you’re gonna be left in the kitchen alone. Happy with this? Fine .. if you think you may not be, long term .. change the starting position!

And ya know what? I reckon that’s about it. Men are far simpler than women in their requirements as a rule. Do you think I’m on the right track with my list? What would you add or change?

For a little light relief check out the book title below: 

<– that would be one seriously looooong book cos boy oh boy are girls confusing 🙂

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About lifeinthefarcelane

Giving life the shake down it so richly deserves.

Posted on October 9, 2011, in Humour, Life, Love, Rants, Relationships and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 45 Comments.

  1. meganstephenson

    I think your on the right track with your list!

  2. Interesting blog this.

    Ok, here are my genuine thoughts.

    There always has to be some kind of attraction but its nowhere near the most important thing. Whats the point of sitting down to tuck into a nice fresh lovely looking green apple only to find its rotten to the core. As for your thoughts about friends checking out your partner – erm, I would say that if you are with someone and are showing genuine warmth and affection for a person – that is worth more for friends to see than just the cover of the book (if you know what I mean). lol. Afterall, ever see an old couple walking down the street holding hands? You dont look at them and think about how attractive they are – you look at them and see that affection and warmth and that is the most important thing. And as a final point – if anyones friends are only interested in ‘checking out’ your partner then they are shallow friends and probably fit into a number of other catagories.

    Phew, this reply is getting longer than your original question. lol

    You should be able to go out with him and his mates – you are part of his life and so therefore should be involved in his life fully. I would prefer someone to be interested in my mates instead of them being a completely seperate part of my life. As for the interest things – I cant say to much about that as I cant stand ‘footie’ – but both parties should take some interest in what the other likes. That is very important indeed. Its also very important to talk to each other. Would much rather be with a woman who will talk to me than someone who only thinks about covering themselves in orange spray tan, sticking fake eyelashes on that are the size of peacock feathers and insisting that she cant open the door handle in case she breaks a fake nail. Hmmmn, me thinks the comment about fake nails may cause a few frowns.

    As for cooking. Again, this should be shared if possible as its quicker and easier although it can get hectic in the kitchen if your not both in sync. So, I think whoever has the idea for a meal or feels they want to cook – should cook.

    2 people in a relationship should be equal. A woman shouldnt have to cook or run a bath for her man in the same way that it doesnt have to be the man that mows the lawn or fixes a wonky shelf braket.

    Ows that! lol

    • I dated a talker for many years .. it was great .. but it wasn’t enough! but that’s beside the point .. *grin* Anyway, if I read you right you are saying a relationship can’t be successful tho!

      Cos men and women are not equals .. (yeah I’m having a cynical Sunday lol) For all I Jest, I will say that I’m OK with being different to a man .. with them having strengths that I do not and vice versa .. however, I struggle to find that balance you speak of!

      • I agree talking is not enough – but talking is natural and when its lacking thats when the problems start.

        Yeah, of course a relationship can be successful. Its like this… if your car breaks down then you take it to the garage to get it fixed. If a relationship breaks down you fix it by talking about it. If somethings lacking or missing then playing games or arguing etc will just makes things worse – but talking is always positive as it breeds understanding.

        Hmmmn, men and women should be equals. That was my point about the cooking. yeah, men and women have different strengths and are quite different in tons of ways – for example – one has a plug and the other has a socket. lol. But all that is completely seperate to the equality issue. Things should be equal as best they can be.

        That balance cant always be found – but it doesnt mean we should dismiss it and give up on it. Hhmmn, I’m getting all philosophical now. lol

    • unless you know… she gets off on the conjugal division : )

  3. I have to disagree with you about the brazilian… I’ve had a whole lot of enthusiastic response to that little trip to the laser clinic : )

  4. lol @ philosophical. I do like your use of the word BALANCE .. I can feel some thinking coming on over a bike ride very soon..

    At the risk of sounding like a wanker, I found when I tried to talk about the “issues” with my latest ex, he would simply agree with my statements so I never really got a sense of HIS thinking, it was all about mine.

    Some women may like this, but I didn’t. I once asked him why he did it and he said “it’s easier”. I HATE HATE HATED that …(Anything for a quiet life grrr)

    I don’t subscribe to the belief that life is meant to be a struggle but sometimes, isn’t it worth fighting for something? Caring about it such that you want to have your say / be heard?

    I found that quite frustrating. Can you tell? 😉

  5. Alright, since I seem to be somewhat in the middle on this I’ll put in my two cents.

    Everything that I want or need out of life; like a home, a car, living expenses, I expect to and insist on providing for myself. I do not believe it is anyone’s, be it husband, boyfriend or father to do it for me. My personal happiness lies in my hands, so if I am dissatisfied with my life it’s up to me to change it.

    The only thing I want a man for is companionship and intimacy. That’s it. Most women I know confuse the need for a partner’s attention with demanding their worship, and nothing less will do. That’s a lot to put on someone. To me a partner is there for the times when you need to call for back-up and not there for your rescue.

    And while I like the idea of having someone in my life that enjoys the same things as I do, I sort of like the idea of opposites attracting. Life is boring if there’s no challenge, even in a relationship.

  6. I’ll take self-confidence and a sense of humor any day. But, if you throw in Bra-Less Tuesdays and Mai-Tais, I’m set.

  7. I’m on board with H.E. I am no longer married because my wife started thinking of me as a handyman/day care/financial advisor/sex therapist/auto mechanic/doctor/lawyer and candlestick maker. All I ever asked for was a partner/companion. I think things get ugly when we all start “expecting” all the stuff we could be doing for ourselves.

    • I think that is something I’ve said @ least a thousand times to friends of mine!. I can DO all that stuff myself and would rather keep on doing it than need a man to do it for me.. I guess the ideal is to have him do it some times and you do it at other times, ie we come back to balance again .. And perhaps my other comment about each of us bringing different strengths to a relationship. Know what they are and apply them .. no?

      My ideal is a friend, lover and then handyman if I can pay with favours, that is! *grin*

      I do wonder tho .. if we all just have companions – how does that work?

      • I wish I knew how the companion thing works. I’m still looking for the guy that comes and goes instead of smothering me every second with expectations. Life’s too short for unnecessary drama. I’d rather deal with issues and get them out of the way so there’s more time for fun.

    • You had me at “candlestick maker.”

  8. OMFG I KNOW HIM .. I can introduce you to him if you will give me your needy clingy men??

    • God, clingy men are the WORST. I need a guy who can get himself up and do what he needs to do without having me supervise him or hold his hand through it. I do shit on my own all the time without any help.

      And I don’t need a guy with money, either. One of my best friends married a man with two masters degrees who makes pennies above minimum wage as a crisis counselor at a men’s shelter. He’s one of the nicest guys I’ve ever met, and works where he does because he feels passionate about his career.

      So I guess that’s what it comes down to for me. He has to have a passion for what he does. I’d be fine existing alongside that no matter what it earns him. There’s no way I could spend my life with someone who just sits there and coasts through it. Lately that’s the only kind of guy I’ve met.

      • no way… men with money are the best! men who will love you and spoil you and adore you and who live 1500 kms away… : )

      • The problem with a dating a guy because he has money is that he has control. I pay my own way for everything, so I answer to no one but myself.

        I could also never respect a guy who “adores” me. It’s too submissive. What I like is a guy who’s confident enough to say, “I’m someone who believes he has value and who only wants the best for himself, which is why I chose you.”

        Send THAT guy my way.

      • It’s a perk is all I’m saying. A wonderful wonderful perk. I also don’t think adoration equals submission or clinginess. I think submissive men are submissive men, and adoring men are adoring men, regardless of how independent, self-reliant and discerning of their company they are.

        personally, give me intelligence and quick wit and an evil evil streak in the bedroom and I’ll take that over money and adoration any day. at least until love comes along, in whichever way it comes. there is no accounting for who does it to you. no check list will produce the chemistry. but all of the above? hell yeah – I’m not above saying I want that.

      • I like the way you think.

  9. Passion is unbeatable, I agree. I’ve not spent much time with coasters .. I think I scare them lol

    but I do seem to attract the clingons. Do they sense a mother / carer? Someone who can get shit done? Take care of things? I dunno.. For all that I love taking care of my mate, I like to be taken care of now and then. To know he’s capable or willing to diy ..

    Then again, the last guy I was with was a clinger but before him I had a career man. He was so distant / busy it was .. horrible.

    Again .. SOMEWHERE IN THE MIDDLE PLEASE.
    grr

    • It’s possible that you attract clingons because you’re nurturing. I think maybe your only real issue is knowing where to draw the line between being a giver and being taken advantage of. A man can’t help but be attracted to someone who pays that kind of attention to them. Unfortunately, I don’t know anyone who could keep that kind of devotion up for long without burning out. I know I couldn’t.

      And to be fair to the guys I’ve met in my life, I am a bit of a nightmare. I’m super stubborn and insist on doing everything myself, almost to the point of being a brat about it. I’m used to my hard work getting me what I want so if I don’t get it or even worse, if I can’t get it, I get super pissy. Seriously, I pout. I can’t tell you how many times a guy has threatened me with a spanking. Well, I think that’s why they wanted to spank me…

      • I am so replying to this .. soon .. but first I have to go watch South Africa SMASH Australia (hopefully) at the Rugby World cup. Which probly means nothing to you but it means I’ll be back tomorrow 😉

  10. Just for the record, clingy men have mommy issues. And H.E, I believe “you had me at candlestick maker” was the original scripted line in the movie Jerry McGuire. Apparently, Candlestick Makers Local #429 had a huge problem with it though.

  11. Whew. All this reading makes me want to nap.

    I always hesitate in making grand proclamations about what a large group of people want or don’t want. I can only speak for myself.

    Want: Enthusiasm, honesty, common sense, sense of humor
    Don’t want: Bullshit, drama, fake

    I’m sure there’s more, but like I said, I need a nap. 🙂

  12. Oh, common sense. I want that too. As far as the money thing, I think a person has to be taken to the cleaners at least once to find out how to stop appearing as your local ATM. Dates used to get fine wine and jewelry. Now I give em McDonald’s and a free ride in my vehicle. It’s called “Vetting 101”.

  13. All guys want is someone who will hold them and tell them everything is going to be okay. What? No, seriously, most guys I know want a woman who doesn’t need a guy, but wants him, is comfortable with how she looks, takes a guy how he is and not what she wants to turn him into, and who doesn’t run to him for every little thing, including spiders and toilet seats.

  14. I can think of one thing I need a guy for… and it’s surprising how few qualifications there are for that role. Just an extensive vocabulary really, and a healthy rejection of political correctness : )

  15. I think your list is very accurate and I had the same response as H.E. Ellis……I must be a man because that is everything I want too!! As I read that list though I realized that I knew my soon-to-be-ex wanted those things but I was not willing to give him any of them. Why? Because he wasn’t making any effort to give me any of those things either. Somewhere along the way our marriage turned into a stand-off……..you do nothing to make me feel appreciated and loved so I am not going to do anything to stroke your friggin’ ego either! What a pathetic end…..two stubborn people refusing to acknowledge each other’s worth. Figuring out what someone else wants is only part of the whole relationship dance……that other person needs to figure out what you want too and be wiling to try to give you those things.

  16. Well young Miss Lifeinthefarcelane, you should really give us a first name even if its make believe.

    I’m going to come at this from a different angle, lets put this in context I’m separated, I was very unhappy in my marriage, and I’m very happy in my new relationship.

    I agree with your list of the thing’s men want, but its often the things men don’t want that bring a relationship to its knees. So if you want real ‘Love’ my experience is:

    1. Don’t lose your temper. If you allow anger into your relationship then you will find that it will make regular appearances. If you experience difficulties in your relationship then you need to confront them without anger. Anger builds long term resentment and you will lose the trust of your partner.

    2. Don’t read the Riot Act. The hardest part of living with a person is discovering that they are human. There will be times when you will be deeply hurt by your partner’s behaviour, at these times dig deep to understand whats going on. Unless you seek to understand your partner’s shadow side, as well as his light side, your relationship will remain superficial.

    3. Don’t be jealous. A lot of relationships seem to start of claustrophobic and end up distant. It seems to me that we all feel obliged to surrender our independence when we enter into a relationship. If you allow the green eyed monster of jealousy to enter into your relationship it will poison it, your partner will feel trapped and desperate. I am convinced that a healthy relationship allows each partner to pursue their own interests so that the time spent together is enjoyed and valued. Everything in excess is bad!

    Trust is the foundation of all relationships. I think your list of Do’s is absolutely right, however if you can’t avoid the Don’ts, then the Do’s will add little value to your relationship.

    • OK so hello Mr 4 rooms .. my name is Janey. I’ve been drinking for a few hours now so this will be very honest (by way of apology lol) ..

      I want to say bollocks to your list. But that would be rude *grins* shit tho .. I never lose my rag. I’m civil, I’m a discusser, not a yeller. I don’t get emotional I get analytical. I happily talk about what I feel ..
      Like it or not lol

      Riot acts are a waste of time. And unness if I apply the first rule of talking about wot I feel ..

      I am the least jealous person you’d meet. I LIKE people and imagine other people do the same, so can’t do jealousy.

      Trust is indeed important but does trust obviate boredom? 😦

      Sorry if this sounds horribly stroppy, refer earlier “drinking” disclaimer 😉

      And thanks for the comment! I am glad you’re happy now after being unhappily coupled!

  17. Hi Janey, I’m delighted with ‘bollocks’, life would be so boring if we all agreed with each other. Great posts! 🙂

  18. So, we’ve established that given too much affection, people become clingy and / or take advantage of it. Possibly without even knowing they’re doing it. Or because they’ve got a thing with their Mommy. In some way shape or form.

    Adoration eventually leads to boredom. I agree with this one. I’ve been adored and omigoodness it’s lovely .. briefly .. then you kinda just want to kick them. Bit like labrador puppies, cute as hell but very annoying as well. (Sorry Kibble!)

    Sex, good sense of humour, confidence and money (ideally with 1500km in there too lol) rank highly in the “good to haves” list.

    Oh and clingy men suck but candlesticks are OK.

    What does this all mean?

    We all want different things. (So we’re doomed..) And I’m going to forever be single and instead of having a life, I shall simply blog (read: whine) about how rough my life is ..

    Sorted!

  19. Holy sh*t that’s a lot of comments. Sorry, but you ask ten men and you’re going to get ten different answers. Which men? What kind of relationship? Are you talking about a long term relationship? Totally different than a hit and quit weekend fling. For a spouse, you want a team player–someone who asks you why you’re limping, then gets you some aspirin. For short term, you just want your heart to beat out of your chest when you see her ass.
    The trick’s finding someone who will always have your back and someone you want to grab by the hair and kiss hard. You find that, you can take it to the grave.
    Les

    • “The trick’s finding someone who will always have your back and someone you want to grab by the hair and kiss hard” I hear you there!

      I am seeking that and refusing to settle for “I’ see your back and don’t always feel like stabbing you with a fork in it” 😉

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