If I die right now..

or rather, after I hit send on this post – there are a few things I will be posthumously pretty pissed off about. Of course, I won’t know I’ll be pissed off .. or dead for that matter.. so it’s all a bit moot but you’ve all realised by now that flawless logic in my posts isn’t that high on the “must have” list, right?

So anyhoo, back to me kicking the bucket.

I always say that if I die before I’m 105yrs old I will be mightily pissed off because there’s so much I want to cram into my life that I will need that time (but really, I just don’t want to die shh don’t tell anyone k it’ll be our little secret).

However I must say that I’ve considered the fact that if I didn’t work 10-12 hour days I would have way more time to do the things I want to do. Of course, I’d have no filthy lucre with which to do said things, so that aint gonna work too well I guess.

If I didn’t go the gym every day I’d get back 7-10hours a week (and save a fortune in gym memberships so I’d have extra cash to do stuff with!) but I’d drop dead earlier cos of lack of health and fitness so yeah OK not a good move.

Maybe if I stopped eating and drinking? If you work it out: that’s where both huge amounts of time AND money is spent. I mean heck I spend several hundred dollars a week on food and alcohol. And that doesn’t include the meals I eat out.. At the end of one month of not doing this I’d have a good $2000 in the bank! Which would fund my funeral cos I’d have died of starvation ..

Shit this really isn’t going as well as I’d figured.

Seems to me we spend an awful lot of our lifes and time waiting for something else. “Wishing our lives away” I have heard it called. This is something I worry about doing because to me it’s the ultimate in time-wasting. And it’s so, so pointless.

Personally, if I want something .. I do all that I can to attain it. I work hard at it and with a little luck I generally get there. If I decide that I don’t want it, I accept it and move on. Sometimes the accepting part isn’t as simple as it may sound though, that is for sure.

And this is where we get back to my fave topic: Love!

Cos herein lies the rub: I do want love in my life.

I want that wonderful, passionate, unswerving, breathtaking love in my life.

And so I waste hours of my life wondering why the hell I can’t get it. What the hell I need to change in order to get (or maintain / hang onto!) it. And of course I spend hours lamenting why the hell it’s all so damn hard. Generally to you long suffering folk on the dubdubdub.

They say (whoever they are) that love comes to you when you’re least expecting it / not looking for it. To them I say: bullshit. I’ve given up on love before and Mr Right didn’t drop into my lap. I’ve also had the seemingly lucky experience of having two men claim they loved me such that I ended both relationships cos it just got .. awkward / weird.

My life is full of good things. I have a wonderful, small circle of friends. I have a good social network and am always out and about or being asked out and about. I am healthy. I can earn good money and live in a beautiful home. I can have anything I want. But for one thing. So..

Do I just need to:

Maybe I need to get a new hobby. One that takes up a lot of time. Jigsaw puzzles take a lot of time. I could do jig saw puzzles. erm, yeah I know .. not gonna fly. Fly! I could take up flying lessons!? I have no desire to learn to fly. Basic issue there. I could take up drinking. Oh wait, already perfected that 😉

Sorted: I just need to get MORE of a life & keep myself so busy I do not have any time to spend thinking about the fact that I’m old and alone (read that last bit with a whiney tone k) ..

Ah fuckit, someone pass me the tequila I’m gonna make the sunrise early today!

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About lifeinthefarcelane

Giving life the shake down it so richly deserves.

Posted on October 16, 2011, in Happy-ness, Hope, Humour, Life, Love, Optimism, Relationships and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 12 Comments.

  1. Pour me one too, because I’m right with ya’.

    • I poured you two .. you never came .. I drank them both. Pass me the painkillers please? 😉

      • Sorry I didn’t show. Fucking Hotspur’s got that damned “Choose your own blog adventure” up and I’ve been following it around like some retarded mouse in a maze. Total mind fuck. Seriously, it’s worse than online gambling. I think I need an intervention.

        I’ll give you a piece of advice that I use to get me through hard times, and you can see how it works for you. After all I’ve been through in life I’ve found that what you didn’t have that you needed, you will eventually become. For instance, I essentially raised myself, so now I’ve become the ultimate surrogate parent to every kid in our town without a home. Think of me as Wendy raising the Lost Boys in Neverland. Now I know what it feels like to belong to a family, something I’d always wanted but never had, because I created one for myself.

        So maybe what you need is to counsel others on love, or help set up people who are lonely that can learn from your experiences. I think “love” karma will find you that way. I can’t believe someone as amazing and passionate about life and love as you are would be alone in the world. There’s got to be a mate for you who feels the same way. I truly believe that.

  2. “Fucking Hotspur”? Anyway, stop looking for love, but don’t stop looking for fun things to do, or interests. You often find someone you seem to be very compatible with and who you seem to like a lot whilst doing things you’re interested in – like blogging, for example.

  3. I feel the same way….I want love in my life. I want to be wanted. I think everyone wants that. But it gets frustrating waiting for it. And each time you think you find it and then discover it wasn’t real, it gets a little harder to believe in love…but deep down you still do…….even if you tell yourself you don’t. You are not alone and you should not drink alone….pour one (or four) for me too.

    • *pours 4* (drinks 4) I am very much about balance heheh ..

      I agree, deep down I want it a LOT .. to be happily one half of something fabulous. I don’t want to be one half of something just “OK” (or worse) ..

      Do I expect too much? This is a Q I ask myself every time I end a relationship ..

      • I don’t think you are expecting too much. To be one half of something fabulous is what love should be……don’t settle for less. I was one half of something that started at “good”…….became “ok”……then went to “I’m suffocating…..get me the hell out!” I should never have settled for just good. Good is not enough to last. I should have waited for fabulous. I think fabulous has a much better chance at survival. Don’t give up hope and don’t beat yourself up for ending a relationship that didn’t feel right……..I think you need to trust your instincts. In my experiences, ignoring my gut feelings has always come back to bite me in the ass. Now my ass hurts……..so I am trying to trust my gut more often. 🙂

      • YES!!!!! WHAT SHE SAID X2!!!!!!!!!

      • Gut instinct is so so good to follow, I agree ..

        I really like your “good .. ok .. meh” transition comment too .. so been there before and I know HEELLIS will be nodding along with me 😉

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