If I die right now..
or rather, after I hit send on this post – there are a few things I will be posthumously pretty pissed off about. Of course, I won’t know I’ll be pissed off .. or dead for that matter.. so it’s all a bit moot but you’ve all realised by now that flawless logic in my posts isn’t that high on the “must have” list, right?
So anyhoo, back to me kicking the bucket.
I always say that if I die before I’m 105yrs old I will be mightily pissed off because there’s so much I want to cram into my life that I will need that time (but really, I just don’t want to die shh don’t tell anyone k it’ll be our little secret).
However I must say that I’ve considered the fact that if I didn’t work 10-12 hour days I would have way more time to do the things I want to do. Of course, I’d have no filthy lucre with which to do said things, so that aint gonna work too well I guess.
If I didn’t go the gym every day I’d get back 7-10hours a week (and save a fortune in gym memberships so I’d have extra cash to do stuff with!) but I’d drop dead earlier cos of lack of health and fitness so yeah OK not a good move.
Maybe if I stopped eating and drinking? If you work it out: that’s where both huge amounts of time AND money is spent. I mean heck I spend several hundred dollars a week on food and alcohol. And that doesn’t include the meals I eat out.. At the end of one month of not doing this I’d have a good $2000 in the bank! Which would fund my funeral cos I’d have died of starvation ..
Shit this really isn’t going as well as I’d figured.
Seems to me we spend an awful lot of our lifes and time waiting for something else. “Wishing our lives away” I have heard it called. This is something I worry about doing because to me it’s the ultimate in time-wasting. And it’s so, so pointless.
Personally, if I want something .. I do all that I can to attain it. I work hard at it and with a little luck I generally get there. If I decide that I don’t want it, I accept it and move on. Sometimes the accepting part isn’t as simple as it may sound though, that is for sure.
And this is where we get back to my fave topic: Love!
Cos herein lies the rub: I do want love in my life.
I want that wonderful, passionate, unswerving, breathtaking love in my life.
And so I waste hours of my life wondering why the hell I can’t get it. What the hell I need to change in order to get (or maintain / hang onto!) it. And of course I spend hours lamenting why the hell it’s all so damn hard. Generally to you long suffering folk on the dubdubdub.
They say (whoever they are) that love comes to you when you’re least expecting it / not looking for it. To them I say: bullshit. I’ve given up on love before and Mr Right didn’t drop into my lap. I’ve also had the seemingly lucky experience of having two men claim they loved me such that I ended both relationships cos it just got .. awkward / weird.
My life is full of good things. I have a wonderful, small circle of friends. I have a good social network and am always out and about or being asked out and about. I am healthy. I can earn good money and live in a beautiful home. I can have anything I want. But for one thing. So..
Do I just need to:
Maybe I need to get a new hobby. One that takes up a lot of time. Jigsaw puzzles take a lot of time. I could do jig saw puzzles. erm, yeah I know .. not gonna fly. Fly! I could take up flying lessons!? I have no desire to learn to fly. Basic issue there. I could take up drinking. Oh wait, already perfected that 😉
Sorted: I just need to get MORE of a life & keep myself so busy I do not have any time to spend thinking about the fact that I’m old and alone (read that last bit with a whiney tone k) ..
Ah fuckit, someone pass me the tequila I’m gonna make the sunrise early today!