True love – It’s bullshit
So I can’t have a fuck buddy, cos he’ll fall in love with me (or vice versa) and that’ll change everything. I can’t do affairs cos cheating is wrong, and even if he did profess love for me, I’d constantly wonder what he said to his wife before coming to see me.
I can’t hold a relationship – I get dumped as often as I do the dumping, so clearly an issue there..
True love is horse shit and cannot be done. It’s that simple.
Oh sure, you can have “true acceptance” (of a less than awesome life with someone who isn’t an axe murderer) or “mediocre happiness” (I don’t want to kill myself every day, this has to be good) but I have to say I suspect that wildly fabulous love thing just doesn’t exist.
Am I wrong?
If so, do tell .. how?
Posted on October 16, 2011, in Change, Grief, Happy-ness, Hope, Humour, Life, Love, Optimism, Relationships and tagged Hope, Humor, Life, Love, Marriage, Random, Rants, Relationships, True Love. Bookmark the permalink. 35 Comments.
lifeinthefarcelane 
Ive been married 9 years this week. (Mostly) happily married, but the ‘wildly fabulous love thing’ you mention doesn’t exist, for us anyway! It varies between a good laugh, mixed genes in the kid, some like minded politics and a mutual appreciation for the same TV shows…. (thanks for visiting and liking my post today!)
Congrats on 9yrs that is huge!! 🙂
I don’t think wildly fabulous exists period. I think (for all I jest) it’s about “not hating the other half” .. or variants. And that is where I struggle and / or need to adjust my thinking maybe.
Dunno.
Like minds is good .. been there / done that 🙂
I’m in love so it’s easy for me to say this because I feel it and know it.
Have you ever seen the quote:
To love yourself is the beginning of a life long affair! -Oscar Wilde
It’s true. It may seem a bit narcissistic, but I find that the more I accept myself and express myself, I love myself, and it’s easier (not always easy) to love others.
The romantic love thing is challenging for me for sure. But love is my path. I’ll follow it. I want to know it all.
Yes, I am in love with love. The idea of love and loving. The endless variety of love. It’s simplicity, complexity. It is never boring.
I know true love.
Also, I have experienced love at first sight.
I have no issue with narcissism or hedonism .. good for you .. I agree, accept myself, others accept me .. Problem isn’t ME accepting me .. it’s me accepting him … any ideas?
The only idea I have is true acceptance of self, your needs and values, make it easier to cultivate/use discernment. You choose who you mate with. You choose who you open up to. You choose who you share your self and life with.
To me, the beloved, the other, is like another you to love and everyone is someone’s beloved so I try to be as kind as possible. At the very least, to cause no intentional harm.
I don’t subscribe to the martyr doormat type of relating. All I can say is keep loving.
Not wrong, it’s just not for everyone. Maybe one day it will be, who knows.
Why isn’t it for everyone?
“I don’t want to kill myself every day, this has to be good” ahaha that is so true, people will always stay with someone before they fear the alternative, everyone has good and bad patches … Mr Perfect is not out there and love will never be as good as films … maybe accepting that love is never perfect is a start 🙂
I don’t expect perfect .. but I don’t want shit either .. ?
I think you’re wrong. I think for someone like you, someone who wants love, it’s out there. You just have to hope and keep looking! Don’t give up yet.
Thanks .. I probly wont give up but oh fuck some days I get discouraged lol
Trueacceptance is right. I’ve been truely accepting my husband for 10 years! We were separated for a stretch of 2011, and actually decided we like eachother. Finding it is easy, maintaining love is a beotch! Plus it can be expensive with all the therapy. Ha, 🙂
LMAO @ therapy costs! Would a divorce lawyer be cheaper?? *grin* I LIKE the idea of liking my mate but I want to love him too .. oftentimes I like him without love or I love some of him but dont like??
I agree with the remarkable H.E. It’s out there roaming around. You just haven’t met at the right intersection yet.
I need a bigger car??? 😉
OH YES… Good reply. Depressing how many people think you have to SETTLE for something less than fantastic. This is love and romance we are talking about… it should be anything but mundane. Isn’t there enough of the mundane to deal with in life already?
You hit the nail on the head there. Life has enough of the mundane, why the hell can we not aim for something wow in our lives? Oh yeah .. cos we get shat on from a great height and become bitter and twisted when it all goes tits up? I dunno, I truly don’t .. what the best approach is. For now tho, I refuse to give in, to settle .. I prefer the search and possible pain than the acceptance of mediocrity.
Timing is everything (especially when it comes to fuck buddies- gotta get out before it goes too far) and of course, nothing is ever perfect. It basically comes down to what little things are you willing to put up with for the overall ‘awesome’ relationship.
When you hit the wall of love, it simply means it’s time for you to reflect. I was once same as you and became frustrated and finally gave up on love for a while. I had to take a long hard look at the type of men I was attracted to, kinds of relationships I shared with them, what they did wrong, what I did wrong and analyze the root of why things never worked out. After being honest with myself (which can take a long time to do) I realized that I was attracted to emotionally unavailable men who could never give me what I deserved on any level. The nice guys were missing the “rough” edges that “my” guys made look so attractive. Problem was after a while you don’t believe you deserve much more than what you have. Further reflection revealed that my self-esteem and self-love were pretty much non-existent.
When you truly begin loving yourself, you become your biggest advocate never settling for anything less than greatness from yourself and those around you. You will notice the men you are attracted to changing (moving in the right direction), you will be intolerant of any man who thinks he can treat you like anything less than the QUEEN you are. You will want more and receive more than a once-in-while man or sex buddy. You will have patience which will provide clarity and help you “choose” a companion worthy of your GREATNESS. Try it; I promise you will experience an amazing POSITIVE transformation.
Additional note: Men have sex outside of their relationship and it may not mean much; they are visual creatures. Women are emotional beings and more than likely will not have sex outside of the relationship unless there is an emotional connection. Men can have limitless sex buddies without fear of becoming “attached” but for women this is almost impossible; the Creator made us different for good reason.
Smooches…
Thank you so much for your ideas and thoughts, and honesty .. I appreciate it .. 🙂
Maybe (drum roll) I need to work out my greatness (value) ..
Hmmm
The thing to remember is that “true” does not equal “easy” or “perfect”.
Hey…I like that!
I like it too! True equals enduring to me. Enduring and loyal and real. I don’t expect perfection nor do I mind something not being easy (except that hot guy from the office, oh if he was only easy .. sigh .. anywhere where was I .. ) some awesome comments here and I have to run to work now but will reply to some and ask a few more Q’s later, thanks everyone! Have a great day ..
Your perception is your reality. If you don’t believe in true love – you will not get it.
Simple. Again, not easy but — Simple.
I don’t believe in santa claus but still get gifts every Xmas ..
Personally, and I think a lot of people would agree – wanting / trying to believe in something that just keeps kicking you around gets a tad .. wearisome, after awhile.
Here is my inner optimist- It DOES exist! But it might not be what you expected it to be. And sometimes it sucks ass.
I don’t want it to suck ass. I can get that without commitment??!?!??!
What I mean is- sometimes you might not agree with the guy, or sometimes he might not be your favorite person, but the good times will make up for those shitty times.
Oh god I totally don’t expect sunshine, roses and butterflies .. I’m not that young *grin* my thinking is a basic alignment in core beliefs and the rest can kinda float about you as “the package”, like it or not .. it’s like a menu in a cafe .. odds are you’re not gonna like every item but you like going there to dine anyway ..
Hubs & I have been together now for 12 years, and I really am happy. Delirously in love? Not every day or even every month. But every day I DO get unconditional love & respect and I really couldn’t ask for more.
My Nana told me a story once where she & Pop had a major disagreement. She told him “I got you. I’ll get another one just like you if you don’t shape up.” I’ve always remembered that!
I totally agree with you! However, one of your commenters noted that perception is reality. I’m curious as to how accurate that is. Thoughts?
So you’re in there getting what you want knowing you can get it elsewhere? or am I misunderstanding the Nana tale? See I KNOW I can get a man.. I want to get one I want to hang the hell on to tho?
My perception is … I can attract a man and then some .. but I can’t hold a relationship with a man.
That commenter is right 😦
I have lately been on a mission to gather other people’s input on wildly fabulous love and I say it DOES exist. I’ve experienced it, in fact. Doesn’t mean it’s easy. Doesn’t mean you won’t toture yourself with your own “what if”s… But it’s out there.
There’s also a stable slow burning kind of love out there and I believe it’s much easier to find. We all make our choices about what kind of relationship we want to be in. I chose the slow burning kind before.. Thinking it would be enduring and stable. HA! I won’t do that again!
yeah I have done the slow and stable thing too.. kinda like a flatmate / roomie with benefits .. and meal prep and laundry duties!!