Flings vs. Forever

Harking back to comments from Mr Hot Spur and another online friend recently, I’ve started to ponder the concept of me being fickle. Of me being unable to hold down (pin down, stalk, entrap .. whatever!) a successful relationship.

With anything more meaningful than a loaf of bread and some blue cheese, that is.. You see.. I think they may be on to something!

Last weekend, I was out with friends .. And had a blast. We danced the night away, I recall at one stage being the er, filling .. in a man-wich. It was delicious *grin* It was also safe & fun.. And as the night wore on I collected business cards (that’s how you can tell you’re growed up, ladies – they don’t write it on a receipt in your lipstick, they give you a b/card!) and honestly, I really enjoyed myself for all it was a bit drunken and silly.

But today I asked myself: Am I one of those people who gets bored easily and is this why I can’t do a long term relationship?

And the answer is a resounding NO.
I think..

Let’s look back thru’ the annals of time .. cue “reminisce type musack”…(Could use your help here Edward)

1. I like to move house often. My ex-husband would come home and groan, literally, when he’d see a for-sale sign on the fence. I would move house every year or two quite cheerfully.

2. I work in a job that has a limited life span by virtue of what it is. So I come in, do a good job and leave. Collecting friends and colleagues I enjoyed being with, but leaving none-the-less.

3. I well.. actually it’s about here I get messed up. Moreso than usual.

You see, I have done 2x 8 or so year relationships. I have done a variety of shorter term relationships too. I’ve gone a few years at a time on my own, also. Usually as I take stock and do a bit of thinking.

But .. 

Do I (without knowing it, even) crave the chase / casual relationships vs. having a long term relationship that will ‘stand’ the test of time and not become boring, bad or plain blah?

Cos the chase is great. Or if not the chase – then those heady and wonderful early days of meeting a man you like and exploring each other’s worlds (etc) .. I am often heard whining about how that fades over time..

I know, I know .. we’re meant to enjoy the next phase (plucking each others eyebrows for amusement / something to do?) but I don’t .. I get bored and discontented – there. I said it. I am a bad person. I know.

Which comes back to my question asked so often .. HOW do we stop that boredom setting in? 

I’ve done the “new hobbies” bizzo with my longer term relationships. I’ve done the “go out with friends and do my own thing” too .. ie not lived in each other’s pockets..
Neither works, clearly!

What would you suggest as a strategy for a single gal who just can’t hold onto a relationship but kinda thinks she wants to?

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About lifeinthefarcelane

Giving life the shake down it so richly deserves.

Posted on November 2, 2011, in Humour, Life, Love, Optimism, Rants, Relationships and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 16 Comments.

  1. Yeah, I have no idea. I’m beginning to think I should just marry you. My ex’s biggest complaint was that I was too “spontaneous.” How can anyone be too spontaneous? I think the opposite of that is boring. We just need to find men like us.

    • Therein lies the problem. Men like us. OMG that would make a great title for a book. But with some punctuation: Men, like us.

      So, would you like a Spring wedding?

      I would not have called myself spontaneous but you are talking to the woman who 2 weeks ago, on a whim decided to fly somewhere new with a girlfriend and explore wineries and cafe’s in a rental car .. so omg maybe I am? *grin* I just want to get what I can from life, new experiences are part of that. I’d like to have a man to share them with but I can go without too .. I just don’t WUNNA! 😉

  2. The answer, my friend, is blowing.

  3. No, seriously, it’s finding someone with a well-rounded sort of… well, a male version of yourself. Someone you have an equal chance of meeting at the grocery store, Hot Topic, a Dave Matthews Band concert or a bar. (Insert whatever you like for any of these.)

    • LOL @ well rounded .. How did you know?? 😉

      I met a man recently, thru work sort of. I have always done the “don’t screw the crew” thing. I’m tempted to break my rule. We’ll see .. I can’t tell if he’s just being polite by keeping in touch or if he’s interested..

  4. I don’t think you are a bad person simply because you get bored or you want some excitement. That’s natural and I think you need to find someone just as adventurous and exciting as you are. The quest for this person will be your adventure. Don’t rush it…enjoy the journey. I know, easy for me to say….I just like reading about it….

    • I’ve only just started to realise I’m a bit adventurous. If asked in the past – I would have called myself conservative and dull. I’m learning that I am someone that people do seem to like being around and that I am high energy and a little out there. Which could explain why some of my past relationships started out with a hiss and a bang .. and ended with a bore oops is that sposed to say roar? lol

      LOL @ enjoying reading the journey! I am glad you are 🙂
      And for all that some days I lament (fancy word for WHINGE WHINGE WHINGE!) the way my love life is, I am not overly stressed by it and for the most part enjoy the journey too.. if nothing else, each time I try something new I learn something. Even if it’s just “I didn’t like that” 😉

  5. Just remember you will not get 100% of what you are looking for in a relationship. However, you should not settle for too little.

    Be happy and I do hope you will find what you are looking for.

    • I guess that’s part of the problem for me. I was the kid in school who cried if I got less than 95% in exams. The one who feels I’ve failed if everything isn’t “perfect” in my life.. hmm childhood issues much? lol .. but they do come along for the ride into my relationships, obviously. Gosh. Light bulb time.. More food for thought.
      Thank you for your comment 🙂

  6. Not being a single gal, this is a tough one. I don’t want to fall back on cliches. I know a lot of people love falling in love and when that excitement fades they become restless. That phase of a relationship can never be duplicated and trying to do so ultimately ends in disappointment. But it’s only a phase and if we recognize that reality it helps the transistion into the next phases. Having a partner who has the same mindset helps immensely too.

    • Too true, regarding recognising the phases John, that’s very valuable advice thanks. As is the bit about aligned partners 😉

      Which makes me wonder: What are the phases? Or do they differ for each couple?

  7. Chase is fun.. But .. I have the love of my life and every day is a new adventure .. we lie together now and it is a constant adventure .. Our 3 year old keeps us on our toes but we are not the dorky mommy daddy type.. Today I played some reggae and the 3 year old ( Lydiah ) and I jamaca danced around a pretend bond fire.. Mommy and me have our wine to melt the day away and I prepare her for her lesson on JAH.. Then tomorrow we have a new adventure .. We never know what is around the corner .. The chase is great but now we chase life.. just saying..

  8. Okay I was all set to comment when I saw the cat picture. Now I remember nothing of what I was going to say.

What do you think? I'd love to hear from you ..

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