Becoming a lesbian

Some of you will recall my first bit of blog-inspired hate mail where I was informed in no uncertain terms that I was never going to ‘land’ a man with my “attitood”. Seems I come across as bitter, cynical and jaded .. (I’m resisting the urge to say “go figure – I’m 40 something, single and wondering wtf is going on in my world”) ..

However, I was cheered up by some of my lovely blog pals including Edward  and my online sister (do check their blogs out – I aspire to be as good @writing as them one day!) but as always, I’ve since found myself thinking!

Dangerous, un-chartered territory for my lil bits of grey matter, I tell ya..

And so it is that I find myself thinking maybe I need to become a lesbian.

After all, I can’t find a man that will put up with me (or who I won’t dump within x period of time) so maybe I need to find a woman?!

Sure, I will perhaps need to spend my life totally inebriated (has anyone ever watched a porno sober? The music for a start .. and don’t get me going on the rest of it!) but I could learn to handle that, I’m sure..

How can it be anything but awesome? Think about it ..

I’m more man than woman, I get told this a lot.

I suspect largely due to my potty mouth and penchant for telling ripe jokes. Oh and not giving a shit about housework, shoes and the other ‘stuff’ of so many ‘normal‘ females. I also have a “thing” for Angelina Jolie.

I could kinda imagine being nestled up to a lovely soft bosom and I don’t mind the notion of not waxing my legs every week!

I could so live in jeans all day every day.. and bush shirts / bra-less Tuesdays? I am so there ..

I .. yeah well this is where it all goes pear shaped. Cos I have no idea how to be a lesbian..

As is evidenced by the dreadful list above ..

It is entirely possible that lesbians encounter similar problems to heterosexuals. Someone may or may not be a good communicator. Someone may be useless in the sack.. Someone may be messy, annoying, arrogant, needy, whiny, whatever ..

We’re all different, last I checked .. And so trying to meld two different people together forever is perhaps never going to be a simple undertaking..

Meantime, back to my becoming a lesbian!

How does one become a lesbian?  All and any ideas appreciated ..

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About lifeinthefarcelane

Giving life the shake down it so richly deserves.

Posted on November 13, 2011, in Change, Happy-ness, Hope, Humour, Life, Love, Optimism, Rants, Relationships and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 29 Comments.

  1. You have no idea how many times I have thought this! But no matter who you are with male or female you will always be unfulfilled until you find the core you. No fluff or puff just you. Then look for a person that share these same values. You can be total opposites but you are basically equal. I have been married over 20 years and I really believe this is what keeps me from running away!

  2. This blog post is relevant to my interests.

  3. The Lady Amalthea

    I just had a similar conversation earlier today with a friend. I mean, if we’re only willing to date people of the opposite sex, we’re limiting ourselves to half the population. The other half could be super rad, and we wouldn’t ever know it.

  4. I could never lick pussy personally :p ahaha

  5. I think everyone has a thing for Angelina Jolie.

  6. I think I’d be fine with the sex, but the hugging would be my undoing. Women feel like giant maggots to me. Not sure what you boys are getting out of it.

  7. OMG I’m going to be laughing about your “attitood” for daaaays!

    I have also considered switchin’ to the other side but the fact is (even tho I am one) I know women are fucking crazy. I’m sorry but even my closest friends are high maintenance and bat shit crazy. I’m certain I am as well, but that sort of thing is more visible to outsiders.

    I once heard a stand-up comedian joke that he knew some women that became lesbians, until they realized how difficult it is to keep a woman happy and said “fuuuuck this!”

    Of course, I am also constantly deterred from switch hitting because women lack certain anatomical equipment I rather enjoy. 😉

    • Like logical minds! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! HA HA HA! OMG, I just literally busted a gut. Figuratively literally, that is.

    • hear hear, re equipment *grins* but OMG I literally snorted out loud when I read this: I once heard a stand-up comedian joke that he knew some women that became lesbians, until they realized how difficult it is to keep a woman happy and said “fuuuuck this!”;)

  8. this post makes me laugh really but whatever u’re preference it is really depends on you find it in u’re inner self and if u find it u will feel contented…

  9. I’ve always just remained undiscriminating. I’ve never wanted to limit myself to any particular group. Gender, race, nationality… Too stringent. Mind you, I’ve always been with guys until NOW. I just see PEOPLE. And when I like someone, I like ’em. 🙂

    As for becoming a lesbian… Hmmm… You should probably decide which type you’d like to be. Butch, sporty, femme… What’s your flavour? Maybe it’s easier to decide which type you’d like to go for. Then we can work on your whole look. Hoop earrings? Bald head? Big jeans? Bright pink lipstick? Birkenstocks? *shudders*
    Here’s a healthy list of types: http://mayahuskee.deviantart.com/journal/Label-Me-Lesbian-A-Guide-to-Types-of-Lesbians-214218387
    LOL. Enjoy creating the NEW (lesbian) YOU!

  10. I’m straight and staying that way so no women for me, but I do get told that I won’t get a man with my “attitood” either. Honestly I come across as a complete bitch to men. I can’t exactly say it’s unintentional. If men can act like assholes and still be loved why hell should women not act like bitches from time to time. 99% of the men I’ve come across think they’ve done a favor on womenkind everywhere by being born. Now I’m going to stop here before I keep rambling and ranting. I know a lesbian girl from my university. If you want I’ll ask her about the process.

    • See I don’t come across as a bitch, I come across as a cynical female with a sense of humour (I am told) You’re right tho .. the whole men are dicks why can’t women be thing does make me go “mmm” but .. I just can’t do it, takes too much effort *grin*

  11. I think the idea of being a lesbian is comforting. it’s comforting because (as girls,) we understand girls better. & we feel like we will be understood better… So, it’s safer. & i think females seek security in a relationship more than anything else. Whether it’s financial security, fun security, or emotional security… Love isn’t safe though. i mean, not that i totally know what im talking about here… but, for me at least, I know I’m attracted to guys. As much as i hate them, think they’re stupid, selfish, tools, there’s a few good ones in there who can be worth the wait.
    Actually, you’re inspiring me to go write a blog about this… i’ll let u know what it is.

    thanks for this though, it was really interesting. PS. your blog is really funny & thoughtful, im enjoying reading through it! =)

    • You are welcome and thank you for the kind comments! I agree with you, love so isn’t safe .. which always makes me wonder why we’re soo hell bent on doing it 😉

      PS I don’t understand girls at all .. they confuse the heck out of me!!

  12. haha, i hear you. i mean, i guess we could be more sensitive? i just know that i trust a lot more of my girlfriends than i do my guy friends. though, i have more guy friends, my girlfriends & i are way tighter in general. …btw, i love your site so much, that i just nominated you for Versatile Blogger award. go onto my last blog, to see how the award works! Congrats! i love your stuff!

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