I hate everyone!

So I’m walking home from work just now, it’s 7.20pm here on the other side of the world .. and I was SLAMMED by the realisation that I was angry. WTF?

As a rule, I walk along with a pleasant set to my face … this stems from when I was in my late 20’s and realised I was a “frowner”. The worry line worry aside, I realised scowly faces sucked. So I set to working on a generic facial expression. Do I have issues or wot? heheh

Anyway that’s not what this is about! Focus please..I was just SO angry as I stomped home from the office now. And not cos I’d had a bad day, I’d had a good one including being told by several people including one who – oh gee, is elected to DO his job – that what I am doing is good.

So tis fair to say when I left the office I felt fine.. albeit tired. But then for some reason I started to think “if I was going to see a shrink what would I say?” Dangerous times. And to all you lovely people who said “come visit when you’re in the USA” I understand if you rescind said invite!!! 😉

Still, as I stomped my way thru town I got to thinking. WHY did I feel so .. crummy?

Without wanting to make excuses. I guess I have a few reasons.

1. Issue 1: My Dad. We were so, so close and he’s now not around to be “that guy” for me. It sucks. Cos he was that man. Idolised, intelligent, there for me .. you know the story.

2. Issue 2: My Mum. Less close, we were still in daily contact and loved the hell out of each other but yeah well THAT aint happening now. Dropping dead kinda puts the brakes on anything cool with a parent I’ve learned.

Neither were sick, both were incidents that ripped from me the one constant in my world.. whether I liked it or not lol All in the last 2 yrs.

3. Issue 3 (God I hate having this many issues!) In the last few months, I ended an 8yr relationship that I had hoped would be the lifetime deal. That – for all I chose to end it – hurts. Shattered dreams do that to a gal. Or guy, I am sure.

4. Yet another issue ffs – I hate, hate, hate my current job and cannot change it til after Xmas cos yeah who gives up a job on the cusp of xmas which guarantees you’re out of work til Feb? mmm! However, we’ve been here before, my job is a big part of who (or what?) I am. So when it’s bad oh god it’s bad.

They say there are a few things in life that fall into the “holy shit” change categories. Divorce, death and moving home being the bulk of ’em. Suffice to say I’ve fucking dealt with all of them and then some in the last 2 years and I’m weary. And wary 😉

Look at me trying to keep my sense of humor, fuck I’m a moron.

I just want someone to hold me and tell me it’ll all be ok. Anyone?

< I hate you all eyes!


About lifeinthefarcelane

Giving life the shake down it so richly deserves.

Posted on November 29, 2011, in Change, Grief, Happy-ness, Hope, Humour, Life, Love, Optimism, Rants, Relationships, Stress and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 10 Comments.

  1. I hear ya. My life’s in the shitter too. Job sucks, lost the life I’d worked so hard for – wife, house, future, retirement plan everything. This past weekend my mom had a stroke. So we’re kindred in misery. Seems you’re coping the same way I am – blogging.

    Here’s a big pirate hug, “It’ll be okay.”

  2. aww I am so sorry about your Mom, I hope she will be ok???

  3. Farce, it seems you’re going through a little bit of a crisis. It’s to be expected…break ups are tough. I’m still heartbroken that my skanky 23-year-old friend-with-benefits doesn’t send me Facebook messages anymore, and we weren’t even officially a couple ever. So I’m sure the end of an 8 year thing is tough to swallow. Don’t get down on yourself for being upset because that’s what is supposed to happen. It’s how you should feel. Things will get better.

    I mean, you’ll still probably hate everyone…but in more of a fun way, you know?

  4. I lost my dad three years ago and I still miss him. He was that go to man for me, so I know how you’re feeling. I’m giving you a big virtual hug. Keep writing – it’s a great way to work through stuff and you’re always welcome to visit if you make it to my part of the world.

  5. I agree with Sandy. Writing is wonderful therapy. 🙂

  6. (((hugs))) it will be okay. I know where you are coming from and I know WE will pull through this.

  7. You’ve been through a lot in a short time period. Best of luck to you. I’m sure you will be fine….keep your head up.

  8. Hey Beautiful! It will be fine… I would not rescind my offer and wish I could give a physical hug, since I have to wait for your possible visit to the USA I will extend the warmest hug from across the planet and embrace your Beautiful heart and say…It will all be okay sweety! Keep that smile and loose that frown! My heart felt wish of comfort to you and thanks for sharing your thoughts.

  9. Sorry about your parents, Fred. I hope your spirits pick up, but I know it’s hard.

  10. omg you guys are .. fabulous – I always thought blogging etc was ‘weird’ but somehow .. it isn’t .. and I appreciate all your comments and thoughts and hugs and .. gentleness … thank you. So much xo

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