I hate everyone!
So I’m walking home from work just now, it’s 7.20pm here on the other side of the world .. and I was SLAMMED by the realisation that I was angry. WTF?
As a rule, I walk along with a pleasant set to my face … this stems from when I was in my late 20’s and realised I was a “frowner”. The worry line worry aside, I realised scowly faces sucked. So I set to working on a generic facial expression. Do I have issues or wot? heheh
Anyway that’s not what this is about! Focus please..I was just SO angry as I stomped home from the office now. And not cos I’d had a bad day, I’d had a good one including being told by several people including one who – oh gee, is elected to DO his job – that what I am doing is good.
So tis fair to say when I left the office I felt fine.. albeit tired. But then for some reason I started to think “if I was going to see a shrink what would I say?” Dangerous times. And to all you lovely people who said “come visit when you’re in the USA” I understand if you rescind said invite!!! 😉
Still, as I stomped my way thru town I got to thinking. WHY did I feel so .. crummy?
Without wanting to make excuses. I guess I have a few reasons.
1. Issue 1: My Dad. We were so, so close and he’s now not around to be “that guy” for me. It sucks. Cos he was that man. Idolised, intelligent, there for me .. you know the story.
2. Issue 2: My Mum. Less close, we were still in daily contact and loved the hell out of each other but yeah well THAT aint happening now. Dropping dead kinda puts the brakes on anything cool with a parent I’ve learned.
Neither were sick, both were incidents that ripped from me the one constant in my world.. whether I liked it or not lol All in the last 2 yrs.
3. Issue 3 (God I hate having this many issues!) In the last few months, I ended an 8yr relationship that I had hoped would be the lifetime deal. That – for all I chose to end it – hurts. Shattered dreams do that to a gal. Or guy, I am sure.
4. Yet another issue ffs – I hate, hate, hate my current job and cannot change it til after Xmas cos yeah who gives up a job on the cusp of xmas which guarantees you’re out of work til Feb? mmm! However, we’ve been here before, my job is a big part of who (or what?) I am. So when it’s bad oh god it’s bad.
They say there are a few things in life that fall into the “holy shit” change categories. Divorce, death and moving home being the bulk of ’em. Suffice to say I’ve fucking dealt with all of them and then some in the last 2 years and I’m weary. And wary 😉
Look at me trying to keep my sense of humor, fuck I’m a moron.
I just want someone to hold me and tell me it’ll all be ok. Anyone?
Posted on November 29, 2011, in Change, Grief, Happy-ness, Hope, Humour, Life, Love, Optimism, Rants, Relationships, Stress and tagged Blogs, Death, Family, Grief, Hope, Humor, Life, Love, Random, Rants, Relationships, Thoughts. Bookmark the permalink. 10 Comments.