Sex – Good sex

So I had sex tonight and .. I want to say I liked it. But I didn’t. Is that bad? OK let me back up. I liked it enough to participate, agree.. Did I like it enough to do it again – well, sure – with enough wine maybe lol… but no, I don’t think so.

So this was date #6 with DTR .. drunken text recipient, who has been lovely and with whom I’ve had some lovely experiences of late. But .. it wasn’t “all that” for all he knew what he was doing.

Tonight he took me to a fabulously divine restaurant, no need to impress or even try to – he just probly wanted to go there. And it was very nice .. For once, we came home, to my place. There was coffee .. chatting .. It was good .. casual .. relaxed (whatever) the move to bed was also relaxed and enjoyable.

But .. he left shortly thereafter and although he’s texted a few times since going home .. I’m just not feeling it.

What am I meant to feel?

Am I a monster? Am I one of those women? Do I just fuck men over because I am crazy? I don’t THINK I am and I sure as hell don’t WANT to be that woman .. but could I be?

So yes – before you ask – I have replied this texts this evening, to not do so would be rude. But inside, I am just not getting it .. ?

All that aside,  I would like to go on record as saying no. I am not her. That bitch who fucks men over. And omg I don’t ever want to be her!

But MAYBE I am worse .. maybe I am that confused chick that fucks over decent men and leaves them hurt and bewildered so they just turn into cocks and treat the next woman badly?

Mm .. sobering thoughts indeed  😦


About lifeinthefarcelane

Giving life the shake down it so richly deserves.

Posted on November 30, 2011, in Happy-ness, Hope, Humour, Life, Love, Relationships and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 24 Comments.

  1. Good post: I enjoyed reading it.
    There are so many levels on which one might begin to address the questions you pose. Allow me to attempt just one (in my amateur way): that is the genetic. Natural history tells us that human dominance at the top (?) of the animal kingdom came at a price. The price we pay is that we produce incredibly vulnerable offspring and gestating females. Our defence against this vulnerability is to “build in” caring instincts for children and partners. You have a genetic demand for care and protection from your sexual partner indelibly written into every cell in your body. The emotions you describe are merely the expression of that demand. In other words, what you feel 1. is perfectly natural; 2. is one of the reasons we’re here; and 3. requires no justification.

  2. I’m confused. You ask “But inside, I am just not getting it .. ?” but then you say you had sex. Oh, Fred, you’re just feeling that bailing post sex feeling – it’s part of fight or flight, and completely natural. You’ll be fine, if he was a nice guy. This will make you feel better:

  3. I hate first time sex and sadly I have had more than my fair share. But some men can be trained. My 2nd husband was practically a virgin but an excellent student.

  4. Um…perhaps TMI but hell the topic is too…so here goes. I won’t do it twice if I didn’t like it the first time. Perhaps I was spoiled by my (now ex) husband because I never had bad with him. Perhaps that makes me a very lucky girl…I don’t know. But recently, I was dating this guy and all the chemistry was there and we could laugh and talk for hours, but (and I will never tell him this HAha the internet sure! But not him.) He wasn’t very good. He was selfish. That is something you can’t be selfish about. Needless to say we aren’t seeing eachother any more, but I know there are some guys that want to make you happy and just need a little direction. Good luck!

    • see you are perhaps a bit like me .. not overly forgiving *grins* A selfish lover would suck I agree (and not in that good way.. DTR was good .. I just felt weird afterwards .. grrr mental boxes were not aligned??

  5. Oh and the end about being “one of those girls” you are not. I don’t know anyone who would say that you are. I guess maybe it is the culture but here you would not be considered one of the girls that screws guys over just because you went out several times, had lots of fun, but then when it didn’t work physically you bailed. And I don’t mean bailed as negatively as it may sound. I could personally never be in a less than satisfying relationship, even if the mental boxes all lined up.


    You are NOT a monster! But give the guy a break! He was probably super nervous the first time with you because you’re frackin’ awesome! I say, if you really like this guy the 96% of the time that you spend together NOT in bed, you should give him another chance!

    (Unless his weiner is really tiny, then … NEXT!)

  7. One of “those girls” would never wonder if they were, they’d just be. So no worries there. I think he was probably just nervous. I’ve never met you in person and even I can tell you’re a whole lotta woman! Besides, what’s the worst that can happen if you give him a second try? I know I’d settle for mediocre sex at this point. At least temporarily.

  8. I don’t think you are either. If you are really worried you may need to come in to a relationship with a warning. Something like: I really don’t know what I want right now but I do know I want to have a nice time with a good man and no strings attached. This way you have given them warning and if it doesn’t work out so be it. THEY WERE WARNED. If it looks like it might be promising amend your warning to maybe: I believe I might be thinking clearer and you are certainly on my mind. or something stupid like that. Either way if he decides to take his chance on you and it fails, you will have NOTHING to be worried about. The one thing I have found men to appreciate is honesty.

    And I agree with DAO you should give him at least one more chance.

    • we are going out tomorrow night, dinner and a show that’s all the rage here .. I am guessing in this day and age (shit I feel like such a schmuck) we’ll end up back at my place.. watch (so to speak!!!) this space..

  9. I like Kibble Bowl’s answer. Yeah, give the guy another break. And give yourself a break, also, for having honest thoughts.

    • Thanks .. I guess we’re so used to not being honest because often honesty is raw .. I know when I read the words I write at times I think “wow you’re a screw up” but they’re a jumble of thoughts being processed, not the state of me all the time (honest, I’m not really mental … I don’t cut up frogs or cats for fun!!!) 😉 (that will only make sense if you read one of my fave blogs ) Thanks for stopping to read my ramblings!

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