They say opposites attract

Well to “they” I say: Twaddle..

I could probably stop right there, because really – that sentence does sum it all up. But I have a predisposition to talk shit (it comes with the boobs) and so I’m gonna add more. And as someone who’s done the opposites ‘attract’ deal, I even feel like I’m moderately qualified to speak on this theme!

Not content to marry (then divorce!) a guy who was so fundamentally wrong for me, some years later I went on to spend 1/3 of a decade with another man to whom I was physically attracted but who was a mental marshmallow .. we honest to god had nothing in common except .. well .. you know..

Amazing how long that type of “relationship” can last when you’re young, dumb and full of .. the joys of life 😉 And in all fairness to marshmallow-man, we did have loads of fun cos he was a not just very funny – he was also charming, albeit a total lightweight in the brain-stakes.

When we split I said “never again, I need a man with a brain”, however again to be fair – I can since recall times I’ve been bored to the brink of stabbing myself in the eye with a fork (just for something to do!) with men who are intellectuals because somehow they shut off their sense of humour in the process of becoming big giant brains.

As always it comes down to balance huh.

Interestingly, to me anyway – the whole misconception about opps attracting seems to be so very common. Not helped I am sure, by every romance novel reminding you that Mr tall dark and brooding (and of course: independently wealthy and so handsome he makes your eyes ache) is going to fall madly in love with the meek, left leaning well-bought up virgin he rescued from a fracas in a bar last Tuesday.

*insert dry retching noises here*

An element of difference is acceptable / normal and probably even a good thing but I’m a firm believer that there needs to be a core of alignment – there has to be some fundamental similarities between you in order for any relationship to stand the tests of time.

Right this cynical old biddy is off in pursuit of a cheese burger  (the blogger I’ve linked that to assures me it will cure my slight hangover.. so I’m going to test the theory) Happy daze people!

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About lifeinthefarcelane

Giving life the shake down it so richly deserves.

Posted on December 28, 2011, in Humour, Life, Love, Rants, Relationships and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 20 Comments.

  1. I absolutely agree. I think people can be different from each other and still be fine, as long as the core elements of who they are fit together. For instance, if a man is a devout Christian, I doubt he’d be happy with a woman who is anything but. Other things, like whether or not he likes to dine out may not be an issue if finds a Christian woman who does. For me, the sense of humor alignment needs to come above all else. Raging sex drive a close second.

    • Agree, religion is a biggie. As is children. And careers. And money, how you view and handle money can make a massive impact on your relationship!

      PS Whatever ya do, don’t laugh at the wrong stage during raging (or any!) sex, k .. it has a very er, deflating impact 😉

  2. Yeah, I married my opposite. What I found was that it caused us to lead separate lives or try to hurt each other when at least one of us was miserable (just flesh-wounds, I promise) 🙂 Of course, this might explain us being in the process of getting divorced.

    Nuts to that, not doing it again. I’m on the hunt for at least somewhat similar now, complete with brains, sense of humour and reasonably good looking. Seems a good list to start working from.

    • Good call on living sep lives together, it doesn’t work. Or if it does, it’s not a marriage so why go there!?

      Brains, sense of humour and good looks are a nice starter list!

      On my list is “attractive” because good looks tend to narrow it down. I’ve seen some men who are not classically good looking but they’re attractive if that makes sense? I also think debt-free (or under control) is also important but that could be an age thing that I think like this 😉

  3. Hope that cheeseburger helps one of my favorite Kiwis to feel better! 🙂 I’m not too sure about opposites attracting, but I sure have seen some attractive opposites! Like Penelope Cruz and Scarlett Johansson together… Now there’s a lusciously attractive pair of opposites, and the only thing that they’d need to have in common is me! (I can dream – can’t I?) Lol 😉

  4. Perhaps they attract so they may learn from each other and add depth to each others lives! As opposite as people are we are all the same in many areas! Sweet post and quite interesting thank you for sharing your perspective and your thoughts! I like my Burger without Cheese please…And you didn’t go to Burger King did you?Blahhhh

  5. Opposites probably shouldn’t be together. Why do that, when you can be with someone more like you. Not exactly, but basically.

  6. Glad to hear the Cheeseburger pill worked its magic!

    Opposites don’t really attract; like other commentators here, I ran into that trap and have the divorce papers and the scars to show for it.

    Attractiveness, compatibility (esp in the bedroom) and the knack of holding a conversation – those are my top 3 criteria these days.

    • Yep .. I’d agree with your list and you know what? I’ve realised in the last few days that I need to work out my CORE list, I know my “misc / could be broken for the right guy” list. I do not think I am fully cognisant of my “not negotiables” list. THAT will be epic .. when I work it out lol

    • Oh and yes, thank you for the tip re the cheeseburger. This has been a fabulously fun Silly season. But not only do I have hangovers to contend with, I’m gonna get fat on cheese burgers! THIS IS ALL YOUR DOING. Just so you know *grin*

  7. I like what iamforchange said about learning and growing. I think people confuse the idea of having someone compliment you and having a little yin & yang– with opposites. I love your phrase “core of alignment”. I totally agree a couple needs that and you expressed it so well 🙂

    • Yeah he’s right in some ways there.. I don’t mind a bit of yin to my yang (grins) and I don’t mind learning and growing. But – and I said this to a wise young man last night – there always seems to be ONE who gives more than the other, that annoys me. And is when I bail..

  8. Balance in duality, male and female are the opposites that attract, the sameness is needed to balance that opposite. Therein lies the duality.

    My personal opinion is that sex is easy to learn, and when there is great love and respect the give and take that comes naturally will make the sex great. Besides great sex is easy when you listen. Balance can be a challenge.

  1. Pingback: Balance in duality « Taliuquelugv's Blog

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