End of an er.. ror

It’s mid-afternoon as I write this and I’m sitting here with a glass of Moet in hand (Yes, I have the whole bottle to go and omg the flash on my phone makes that look like cat pee hahah) and it’s fair to say I’ve had the weirdest day, emotionally.

Roller coaster doesn’t quite do it justice, think more.. tilt-a-whirl..

You see, to everyone it seems I have the perfect life. I’m told this often.. Of course perfect means different things to different people..

So to my hitched pals, I’m seen as carefree, single, free to do what I want, when I want etc. To my single pals, I’m seen as confident, able to do what I want / when I want and .. a bunch of other stuff.

But really, I’m just a woman with NO friggen clues and a propensity to be alone when she probably should surround herself with pals..

Ok so that makes no sense. Let me back up…

Today is a big day for me.

I took my engagement ring off..

Now I know I ended things back in June and I have dated a couple of men since this time..  But somehow, the symbolism of taking that ring off .. meant something to me.

It’s a beautiful 1.25ct diamond mined from under some glacier in Canada of all places.. Don’t get me wrong, it’s nothing bling-ish, more understated (OK FINE DULL .. like me lol)

We designed it sitting in the jewellers together, picked the stone and delighted in how beautifully elegant it was in those early days of thinking this was it..

After I told him it was over, I continued to wear the ring. Is that weird? Truthfully, I found it helpful when out on the town.. any man got overly annoying I could point to the finger and say “this has been fun but I have to go home now” ..

But also, I experience lovely feelings whenever I look at it, and I love it. I really do .. it’s so simply beautiful.

One thing you need to realise is that I didn’t hate him when I finally ended it, it was (I think) worse than that –  I wasn’t in love with him.

All that aside, I took the ring off today and tucked it into my jewellery box with other precious mementos and as I shut the lid, I surprised myself by bursting into tears.

No one was here so it was ok .. I had a lil cry and then set to being busy. Busy is very useful for those of us who prefer to repress our emotions 😉

So it’s Friday afternoon and normally I’d be out misbehaving with my friends. But instead I am at home and I’m having a bit of a “farewell” party. Alone..  Some might call it a pity party – I prefer my name for it ..

You see, today 8yrs ago today I officially got engaged.

Mm probly don’t need to say any more do I.

Someone pass me that bottle will ya … Ta ..


About lifeinthefarcelane

Giving life the shake down it so richly deserves.

Posted on January 13, 2012, in Change, Hope, Humour, Life, Love, Rants, Relationships, Stress and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 44 Comments.

  1. You’re a beautiful person with UHP (Unlimited Happiness Potential) … thank you for sharing this story.

  2. Thank goodness for tomorrow. It always brings change. I like your name for it too. Don’t drink too much. Hangovers suck! Plus don’t forget what happened last time you had a bit too much drink ;). Sweet dreams

    • Ugh I well recall how bad I felt last Saturday morning hahah .. I slept really well and woke this morning feeling oddly .. excited. I feel I turned a corner last night .. now I’m staring at a long and winding road with no map but I have a tankful of fuel and am gonna just try to enjoy the ride 🙂

  3. I’m a fan of the name “farewell” party…I don’t think it’s a pity party at all…you ended a relationship because it wasn’t right. It doesn’t mean you aren’t allowed to regret that it wasn’t right. I think that’s normal and healthy. I, on the other hand, would be far more inclined to sip the Moet straight from the bottle and repress, repress, repress 😉 xo.

    • damnit I didn’t see this til I’d finished the bottle all elegant-like using a flute!! *grins* You’re right about feeling sad when a relationship ends whether you end it or they end it, sometimes I need to remind myself that it’s ok to feel..

  4. (((HUGS))) I know it’s tough going through those sorts of milestones, putting away important pieces of your old life. Reminds me of when I stopped wearing my wedding band after my ex and I split. It just felt weird not having it on. Oddly enough, what bothered me the most was not being able to tap my fingers to music, to have the option of adding that metallic “clink” to the rhythm.

    I find the white gold ring lovely; it’s scuffed and worn from 11 years of getting scuffed against whatever I put my hands on or carried. Most of those years weren’t happy, but the ring was a reminder of the happiness wrapped up in the buying it, the optimism in the vows taken, the excitement for the future.

    Right now it’s packed away, keeping it for whichever of my kids might want it when they grow up, maybe as something to hang on a necklace, or something else interesting.

    Since it sounds like your ring is so pretty, maybe someday when it doesn’t hurt you should just wear it around, on your right hand. It sounds a shame to keep something beautiful locked away too long 🙂

    • I love that story on your blog, this morning Ben.. and am so glad you found your ring, that would have felt quite odd thinking it was gone once and for all..

      As you say – they’re not just reminders of things gone .. they’re reminders of good things, hope and love .. for all it wasn’t forever.

      I may one day make it into a necklace .. I’m unsure. For now I know my heartbeat changes when I look in the direction of where the ring is stored (Just call me Frodo!) and perhaps when that stops happening, I can wear it peacefully again 🙂

      • Thanks for inspiring the blogpost!!

        Hee hee, yeah you don’t want to feel like Sauron is grasping your heart in his talons all the time you wear your ring!

        When I found my lost ring in the middle of my yard I kinda felt a little like the ring “wanted to be found,” very much like the One Ring, thus the title I picked 🙂

  5. *major hugs*

    Busy can be the best gift you can give yourself, I find. I keeps you doing something productive, instead of marinading in your own feelings. It keeps you occupied until the initial sting goes away. Here’s to a busy weekend for you. And maybe some more hot chocolate, because you KNOW chocolate always helps. 🙂 *more hugs*

    • oh man I could live on that hot choccie.. so glad I stole the recipe from you 😉

      I’ve been a busy girl this morning but as I said above, somehow a corner has been navigated and I feel oddly peaceful about where I’m at. It’s nice..

      Off to the gym soon, then maybe some shopping, then maybe some reading.. I’ve got 2 books begging to be read, that I’ve been ignoring since Xmas!

      • ohh, reading is always good for keeping the mind busy. What are the 2 books?

        I totally get the corner thing. That’s how I felt after I moved into my own apartment and started writing again after my marriage ended. I’m glad you get to feel that too.

        I think I do live by that hot chocolate, btw. It fuels my writing far far too often. 😀

      • well if it works, I say you should stock up on cocoa and run with it!!

        Speaking of which, I am off to the gym.

        oops didn’t reply re the books – 1: Between shades of gray (Ruta Sepetys) and The Bronze Horseman (Paullina Simons) ..

  6. The ring was a safety net and taking it off is incredibly brave. Enjoy this evening and make the sue of “busyness” as much as you need it. Sometimes we have to get rid of near enough to make room for the best.

    • Agree, totally .. I did enjoy my evening altho made a total berk of myself with some typos in a message or ten but ohhhhhhhhhh well lol coulda been worse, I could have posted online for the world to witness!! LOLOL

  7. onward and upward girl. continue…

  8. Ring Finger Tan Line. Wow, that’s a great step, Fred, but it might have been holding you back. Now you can fully awesomeify and dazzle the guys. You know, with 100% of you instead of 99% plus an engagement ring.

    • LOLOL I read a blog called ring finger tan line .. she stole my handle!! (grins) You’re right about maybe the ring holding me back.. I dunno .. all I do know is I feel surprisingly centred today and I LIKE IT 🙂

  9. Sounds like the perfect way to work through this change. After 8 yrs I’d say it deserves a farewell and a thank you to your higher power (whatever that might be) for helping you realize he’s not the one.

    • You call yourself a runner, and I know what you mean totally – cos I am one traditionally too. But I stuck it out for 8years to try and make this one work because I wanted it to. So bad. But it just didn’t .. couldn’t .. and that was one helluva realisation to come to. As you say, I am thankful that I manned up and did it, because life is too short to spend it unhappy. I’d rather be mostly happy alone than sometimes happy with someone else.

  10. I’m glad you were finally able to do it. It is hard, but eventually (after several more bottles of Moet) it will get better. ))))Hugs(((( (Big virtual hugs)

  11. Well I think that you’re awesome, and it’s inevitable that an awesome guy is gonna find you in the near future, and together you’ll both find happiness and contentment, while dazzling the rest of us with your combined awesomeness. You Rock! (and soon he’ll roll into your life, and there will be much joyous Rockin’ and Rollin’ together!)

  12. I think YOU ROCK !!!!!! Why don’t you be my Facebook friend ???

  13. preciousbydesign

    I’ve never been engaged, but having had one long-term I-thought-he-was-the-one relationship, I completely relate to a) basking in solitude when I should be seeking out my extremely supportive friends, and b) dealing with having to let myself move on from what WAS a significant love in my life. In the end, you should be proud that you ended it before things got even more complicated – imagine if that bottle of Moet was to celebrate letting go of a divorce? Much more complicated. Congrats on being a strong enough woman to do what you knew in your heart was right. 🙂

    • technically, by law here we were married so it was complicated and lawyers had to be called in to do their thing esp as we had “matrimonial property”, annoying huh! But we got there .. thanks for the congrats 🙂

      Oh and sorry I was slow to respond to this, it went astray in my damn dashboard somewhere!

  14. It hurts to lose something like a future together. Still, did you ever think to give the ring back? Did you pay for it? If you did, I take this all back. But, if you didn’t, it’s not yours anymore. You can keep the memories.

  15. Fellow repressor, it will be ok. Carry on.

  16. Now that you’ve taken it off, what do you do with it? I took one off recently. I love mine, too. It’s gorgeous. I picked out. (And paid for it, but that’s another story.) So I took it off and now it’s in its box in the bathroom drawer. It was sitting in the not-sure-what-to-do-with-this-stuff bin on the kitchen counter. But eventually, I took it upstairs to the bathroom drawer. Why bathroom? Why not dresser? I don’t know. Maybe because he’s a douche, so it belongs in the bathroom.

    • ROTFL @ douche!

      I have 3 items of jewellery from family members plus this ring that I thought I might get made into something gorgeous one day .. For now, I’ll leave it in my jewellery box and procrastinate!

      The thing that makes this split so odd is although he freaked when I told him, we’ve both handled it as best we can and are friendly to each other when required.. And neither of us is into hurting the other (nor were we ever) therefore, the ring doesn’t have any real negative connotations for me.

      PS does every single person on earth have one of those ‘everything-is-in-here’ kitchen drawers?? I know if I’m looking for something, be it my passport or a receipt for something I bought a year ago – it’s in there. I just have to be brave and go get it… 😉

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