What I want in a man – A wishlist

A friend said to me this week: “You need to be more realistic in what you want from a man / relationship.” Which we all know is simply code for: Quit being so fussy and you’ll land yourself a man.

However, at the risk of sounding trashy, I can ‘land’ a man easily enough. But I would prefer to ‘land’ the right man  .. whatever that means.. 

And in those last 3 words lies the reason why my relationships fail: Unclear requirements.

Think about it – how can HE possibly meet my expectations, if I am unclear what they are? How can he know what I may or may not want (like, need etc) if I don’t?

In the past I’ve had a stab at making a list of what my “must have” things are. And to be honest: I’ve struggled .. maybe because my list is long and .. unusual ..

For example:

I want a man who has nice eyes and a nice smile. How shallow am I .. 😉 But ya know what? Gazing into the eyes of someone I’m keen on is something I am kinda into and nice eyes makes that even more fun! And when a man gives you that smile, the one that tells you he is into you.. mm mm (cue: dreamy musack here) .. Can’t be beat..

So anyway, I’ve given this topic of “what I want’ a bit more thought, because I dislike failing too-oo many times and so, without any further ado – here is a list of things that I’ve learned over time do matter to me .. albeit in no particular order:

I like a man who is strong. Both mentally and physically. As well, he has to have a sense of humour. But I don’t want a joker.There IS a difference! Ideally, I’d like a man who is a thinker. But not someone who stews.. very unsexy.

I definitely need someone who can communicate .. effectively.

I want a man with no debt. Sure, maybe that’s an odd one but it’s MY list, go away and make your own if you don’t like it. Oh and by no debt, I don’t mean mortgages, I have those too – I mean debt from money-mismanagement. I am not gonna fund someone out of their mess, I’m afraid.. Done it once, got crapped on – never again.. (see I do learn!) 😉

I want a man who has a career. I know this is perhaps an odd one too. But it’s my experience that men who are driven in their career, tend to be successful at many things in their lives. It also means they’re less likely to one day become freaked out by me having one.. cos mine is important to me.

I want a man who is a good lover. I cannot tell you how .. bad it is to be with a rubbish lover. At this point it seems only right to point you all toward these words of wisdom posted on a blog that I enjoy reading..

Then we get into the more .. frivolous .. wants:

I want a man who can drive well. And well doesn’t mean at high speed. Driving well and being a good lover, I wonder if there is a correlation? Hmm.. could be ..I want a man who isn’t scared of cats. He can be terrified of kids (after all, I am!) but cats – c’mon, they’re pussies..

I do rather like my man to smell good..

He won’t smoke. But he can be smokin’! He won’t wear sandals and sox. Together, anyway. He won’t be religious. But spiritual or just plain decent works for me. He won’t be a-political. I can’t stand apathy. Have the balls to believe in something, please!

He won’t have long hair but he can be bald. He won’t be afraid to put the seat down and he’ll appreciate the fact I could care less which way the roll goes on the holder.

He won’t have facial hair, after all – I don’t.

He won’t drink wheat grass shots. I have tequila, way more fun. He won’t know what “Magic the gathering” is. But he’ll love playing poker. He won’t be a virgo. OK I admit, I just felt like throwing that in, I don’t think I care what sign he is actually 😉

He won’t be afraid to smile when a camera comes out. But won’t bring one into the bedroom! He won’t mind if I go out with girlfriends on a Friday evening, but will understand why I may not be so keen on him going out with girlfriends on a Friday evening! 😉

He won’t be put out by my suggesting a trip to another country with +/- 3 days to prepare. It happens with my work, and to the right man – could be fun! And if he can’t make it, he won’t fret at me going.

He won’t be seeing a therapist. He can work his own shit out. He won’t be scared of spiders.. only room for one wimp in the house!

And lucky last, he wont:

.. Mind me having a list of what I want cos he’ll probably have one of his own.

And maybe that last one is quite critical, for all I started to josh around near the end of the post. It comes down to the fact my man won’t mind me having a few quirky requirements and may indeed even have his own..

At the very least, he’ll have thought a bit about what he wants and what he brings to the table.. And wouldn’t be afraid to discuss it with me. That would work 🙂

About lifeinthefarcelane

Giving life the shake down it so richly deserves.

Posted on January 13, 2012, in Hope, Humour, Life, Love, Optimism, Rants, Relationships and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 42 Comments.

  1. You may want to reconsider the ‘no camera in the bedroom’ rule-I would hate to see you lose the perfect man bc he wants porn pics for his wallet.

    • heheh yeah but then where does it end, I may end up tolerating a vegan if I’m not careful!! 😉

      I have to say pictures of me (in a wallet – or anywhere) with a sexual “theme” are not something I’m excited by . . I prefer to be safe in the knowledge that no one is ever going to open a magazine or website and see my pink bits displayed to the world!

  2. Why do men have a thing about cameras in the bed room! What is wrong with them!?! ahaha 🙂

  3. “A few quirky requirements?” Girlfriend, it’s no wonder you haven’t found him yet. That’s quite a list!

    When you meet him, you will simply KNOW that’s it’s him! And if he has a beard, he might shave it off for you … or you might learn to love it. It seems to me that if you stick to this list you’ll be ruling out a lot of potential happiness.

    But remember this … Mr. Right is out there, and he’s looking just as hard for you as you’re looking for him.

    You ROCK!

    • I think if you distil that list down I kinda just want a man who can communicate and has a job. OK and a penis (that he knows how to use) 😉

      Facial fuzz and the other “joking” requirements are certainly not deal breakers..

      Love the concept of him being out there looking for me. Hope he’s got a map cos I’m friggen lost lol

  4. Awesome. Don’t EVER settle. I have a thing about bad breath, ugly feet and poetry. You have to have standards and you have to know what you’re worth. I don’t think there’s such a thing as “too” high, either. That’s just crap-talk for “I settled with someone, so should you!” Life should be enjoyed… so enjoy it how you want :3

    • Poetry, anyone else wanna know more about your poetry thing? I know I do ….!!

      And agree totally about settling. I wouldn’t do it for my healthy, career, friendships. It’s not my nature to settle but to strive for better .. and I apply that to my relationships. For all the ruddy good it does me *grin*

  5. Don’t know how successful you’ll be at finding an “effective communicator.” In my experience this is something men have to be taught over & over again before they even begin to get a grasp of it. As long as you find someone who is “open” to learning how to effectively communicate, you should be alright though. And absolutely don’t settle for a jokester when you want someone with a sense of humour. Remember the things you are attracted to in the beginning become the things you hate later on, so stick to your guns about this. Theres nothing worse than an older man still trying to pretend he’s a young buck in the sense of humour department & failing miserably.

    • I have to say my last ex was a good communicator and keen to communicate, ironically it was perhaps a little frustrating in the end because all we damn well did was talk… balance, it comes back to that one magic word, again huh!

      Interesting, the things that attract initially repel.

      I need to think about that one a bit!!

  6. Thanks for the ping back! 🙂 I think your “no debt from money mismanagement” is one of the most important requirements on your list. I’ve just seen too many good women get screwed over by guys who run their credit card debt way up because they have no financial self control and live way beyond their means. Or they go off on some half cocked business venture that was a bad idea to start, and fund it with debt that only becomes even greater debt when the bad idea continues to be a bad idea.

    I think it’s interesting that you want a man who can drive well, because that’s one that I haven’t heard from women before. But if you are going to be in the passenger seat with him often, it makes all kinds of sense. The possibility of a good driver – good lover connection? Interesting. I haven’t been at fault in an accident in over 25 years, and I don’t drive like a little old lady. I’ve also been making love to one woman and one woman only for 24 years, but I’m often not an easy man to live with, for a variety of reasons… Draw your own conclusions.

    • your wife tells a different story .. she told me you’re very easy.

      Oh .. to live with. No she didn’t agree to that bit, as you were.

      And yes, a good driver is sexy.

      • Hey, just because I had a friend of mine put a temporary tattoo between my shoulder blades that said “Will Do Housework For Sex” (true story!) still doesn’t mean that I’m easy… Lol! 😉 Although as I think about it, she reacted much better to that one, than she did to the deep and for real cat scratches on my back, that I had a hard time convincing her that SHE put there! (true story – from many years ago) Lol 😉

      • Housework for sex, you became a woman??

      • Me a woman? I doubt it. The last time that I did housework for sex, I woke up the next morning with a big blue ribbon tied around my member, and to be a member of the woman’s club, well ya can’t have a member! Or at least not one that’s attached to you permanently…

  7. I think your entire list is reasonable! My favorite was no sandals and socks at the same time…drives me batty when they do that! Good money manager is a very nice quality indeed…and I don’t think its shallow to want a guy whose face you can look at without feeling bad for them! Excellent post 😀

    • Thanks Delila .. Some of the list was tongue in cheek but .. I do think there are always going to be some not negotiables in our minds and maybe we need to do everyone a favour by identifying them and knowing what they are – saves a lot of wasted time when it comes to “expectations”. Could save a bit of hurt too ..

  8. I agree with poenasine, he cant have bad breath! The best looking guy comes walking into a room, every eye on him, he opens his mouth and a garbage can comes out. Don’t wanna look into dreamy “come to me” eyes and the guy’s got breath strongh enough for me to run yelling “yikes!” Fresh breath fresh body nice hands. That’s not too much to ask. LUV a guy who can drive. SEXY.

  9. I really enjoyed this post. Reminded me that at some point this year, I need to reassess what I want or don’t want. I found myself nodding along to most of it – and smiling. Good for you. Now read your list once or twice a day and life might JUST surprise you!!

  10. aaaaaah, the dreaded list. throw it out, it’s usesless.

    i was out with an ex and her and her besties were talking guys. they were discussing what they wanted int a guy. i smh, told the gf to list what she was NEEDED to have in a bf. the gf listed 14 things. i matched up with 5. FIVE!!!!!!!!

    the list is BS.

    • I’m not getting it … to me it seems the list was spot on – she wanted 14, you were 5 … she’s your ex? 😉

      For all there doesn’t need to be a list, my thinking is there needs to be a vague understanding of what the other wants .. as a bench mark to determine whether or not you’re gonna ever work – no?

  11. Oh girl, do not listen to that “u need to be more realistic” bullshit. There is nothing worse than ending up married to a man who is NOT a good match for you. I totally believe NO relationship is better than a bad one every day of the week and twice on Sunday. Also I’m sure no one wants to be the person that’s just good enough. Hang in there! It’s out there. I believe!

  12. He’s tall, scared of spiders, has (very) long hair, delicate sensibilities and a higher than average IQ, doesn’t work, but plays online DnD games almost 24/7, and let’s not forget those manga and anime hoe-downs (sheer heaven!), really /should/ see a therapist, but doesn’t like their brand of ‘therapy’, insisting they can’t possibly help, and couldn’t grow facial hair if he tried – oh and mummy shut her purse strings! When all else fails, he tries to create diversions from the emotional mess and chaos he creates carte blanche, by insisting that he’s dying (of something quite vague and non-existent). Oh, and he’s ever so misunderstood. Sounds like a real catch, doesn’t he? *sigh* And yet – gods help me – I love him. Somebody shoot me!

  13. YES! Good for you 🙂

    Heehee, I started my entire blog based on the idea that I needed to clarify in my own mind what I want to find in my next relationship and not just settle 🙂

  14. I’m totally with you on the no debt thing. For some reason that’s always been a biggie on my list.

  15. Long list is okay, mine’s pretty tough to meet too. But here’s the thing, you really HAVE to know yourself fully before a mature relationship is possilble. If the list changes midstream, if it implies instability or uncertainty in self-knowledge that’s totally uncool and unsexy.

  16. Girl. you want all these traits presented to you? Don’t stick to one man … you will need a few on the go to get all these! 😀 Hahaha!!

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