Love is.. Losing control .. ?

I’ve been thinking a bit about what love is .. And about what I want it to be (for me) .. But I wonder, is that where I go wrong with this whole love thing? Can I want it to be something or do we in fact have no control over it??



About lifeinthefarcelane

Giving life the shake down it so richly deserves.

Posted on January 22, 2012, in Love and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 19 Comments.

  1. This is hilarious!! I love the illustration!

  2. The best thing to do is keep ruling shit out until you get the list you want. Then, go shop. There are many wrong ways and many right ways. They all work! LOL.

  3. Let’s see. I think you are overthinking things here – because love is not the result of a clinical experiment, it is a feeling, and often just IS. From hard earned experience, I have learned that each time my bells ring with someone, it is usually NOT because they have ticked all the boxes on my Must Have Checklist. Often the most unlikely people “touch” me. Each of those I have loved, it has been because there is some aspect of them that is right for me and like a cut out on a jigsaw piece, it fits remarkably where I did not expect it to go.

    Conversely, the reason I am not with my lifelong love is because along with one brilliant fit, there was a lot of “holy heck – not fit….noooooooooooooo” bits.

    The fit, and the love response is so it shows me where it is and where it is not.

    I will say this, I prefer to be alone than with the wrong person – just to have someone. And despite some monumental love disasters, I STILL believe in Happy Ever After and the fairytale for everyone – even me 🙂

    • over-thinking is my THING *grin* I know I do it but .. I caaaaan’t help iiiiit…

      Ya know, I wouldn’t mind being touched by the right man now you mention it *evil grin*
      But anyway where were we … oh yeah love .. total chaos .. unable to be planned or approached with any semblance of order or control..

      No wonder I %$#@! can’t do it..

      I’m 100% with you on the being alone vs being coupled with the wrong other half! Let’s hear it for the happy ever after 🙂 🙂

  4. About the only thing I am confident in as far as love advice is this; find someone who can be your friend as well as your lover. Ask yourself, is this a person who I would hang out with if sex or love weren’t an option? If you can’t answer yes to that question, then “love” will be forced and not easy. Love shouldn’t have to be work.

    • Agree totally, HE!

      Although I think I would add “don’t accept friend without lover” either … that is what I had with my ex. We were friends, enjoyed spending time together doing things but physically and emotionally we were on different planets..

      My short list would definitely include someone I can just enjoy “being” with.

  5. Love has about as many definitions as the people trying to define it. I say, with the exception of family and friends, think about it as: Is this someone you admire and find interesting? Do you want to see more of him after each time? Do you feel good about yourself when you are with him? And H.E.’s question is great: Is this a person who you would hang out with if sex or love weren’t an option? That way, the sex thing is the icing on the cake. Sometimes, love is a rational decision based on all that, rather than an irrational feeling that leaves you spinning out of control.

  6. I think that in the beginning of a passionate relationship, love is losing control, because there’s very little control over that initial and powerful rush of physical attraction and emotionally intense feeling. But what makes or breaks a relationship for the long term, is whether that initial rush is just an infatuation that fades away, or whether the attraction is kept alive and strong by the compatibility of the lovers’ personalities, and as H.E. mentioned, the ability to become close friends who genuinely enjoy each others companionship as well as being passionate lovers. It’s a lot easier to write it down in a comment, than it is to actually make it work in life… and how well I know, from my own life experience.

    • Chris, I think it comes down to a blend as you say … sure – the initial thrill and rush of a new relationship MUST change with time .. it just has to .. by virtue of getting to know each other. Of routines. Of life carrying on around you ..

      But as you say – keeping the passion alive as you grow to become close friends with your lover / partner is the key!

      So often it seems people move into the close friends, love being together phase – but the sex is not existent however they make the best of things .. Or they do the grow to hate each other but the sex is still zinging along happily so they stick it out til one day it all comes to a bitter end ..

      It’s the blend I want. I’ve managed both ends of the spectrum but not the balance. YET. One day 🙂

  7. Post fantastico! Great question… Overthinking is my thing two & I think I’ve decided emotion is pretty much the opposite of logic.

    • LOL Yeah, you remind me of me in a way!

      You hear the saying “let go and love” .. Maybe it’s logic we’re meant to let go of? I dunno, I just struggle to turn the brain off, I’m afraid..

      • I have decided to stop trying to shut my brain off, and instead control the words that are floating around in there.

        Northern California hippie chick side comin’ out when I say this… But positive self talk… Even just having a great mantra to repeat to yourself can completely turn things around.

  8. They say you partner with someone who has the most to teach you about yourself – maybe you should identify your worst faults & find someone who has these same faults so they can teach you how to deal with them? All kidding aside – stop looking & that’s when it happens (it did for me)!

  1. Pingback: Dating disasters – Episode I « lifeinthefarcelane

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