So today I learned

that I give too much.. Care too much.. Fall in love too deeply.. Trust too easily. I’m a hopeless romantic (read: I’m pathetic) Yes, people  – it seems that I have a slight tendency to don rose coloured specs when it comes to affairs of the heart.

Which kind of annoys me.

By day I’m a fairly successful business woman: Feared by some, loathed by others. Respected. Maybe even a little well-known. But also probably thought of as a calculating, heartless bitch (by some, anyway) ..

Personally, I believe this is because I am rational, logical and calm. Therefore by not displaying “emotions” I am labelled mean & awful. That said, those who take the time to know me end up very loyal and I have long term relationships with many people that I have managed / worked with over my career.

However, the whole hopeless (hapless, maybe?) romantic thing worries me..

I should back up. You see, I’ve spent some time with a very dear friend this weekend. Out of town, having some gal-pal fun .. and between the champagne and food – we talked, as woman do .. tis fair to say she is unable to comprehend my beliefs and attitudes to relationships as am I hers.

Sadly, she’s been cheated on a few times in her (love) life. I never have. Viz she distrusts men and / or expects all her relationships to fail.

Me – I fall hard (and fast, it seems) but am utterly devastated when they fail. Because for all I am not entirely sure I get what love is or how a relationship should be .. I do know that I want to be one half of something fabulous. And even if I end a relationship, I’m hurt and upset because for me – something huge .. that I invested in .. didn’t pan out.


I’m unsure which is worse..

She’s engaged to be married. I’m single having ended an 8yr relationship recently.. I’m keeping my options open and wondering what life holds. She’s engaged and fretting over what life may hold. For all I am pretty sure she hopes it will be fabulous.

All of which takes me back to the ‘hopeless’ statement above .. (It’s not an adjective I like to be associated with!) Can someone love too much or is that just some sort of excuse for .. I don’t know what, actually ..

Cos really ..  I think I’d actually be ok being loved too much ..  What am I missing here?

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About lifeinthefarcelane

Giving life the shake down it so richly deserves.

Posted on January 29, 2012, in Hope, Humour, Life, Love, Optimism, Rants, Relationships and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 23 Comments.

  1. I don’t think that you can love too much but you have to go though life with a guarded heart, some people are out to hurt you, end of story. I learnt my lesson the hard way but trust is a thing I do not have for anyone and I do not know which is worse … Trusting everyone or trusting no one. I guess I do not have the answers you want.

  2. maryfollowsthelamb

    I don’t think you are missing anything. It depends on what you are willing to settle for in a relationship. I think many people put having a relationship – any relationship – above waiting for the happily ever after one. Me? I’m waiting for happily ever after and in the meantime, I don’t see anyhting wrong with slaying my the dragon myself.

  3. Perhaps you are not a hopeless romantic, but rather you are like Joan Wilder in Romancing the Stone, a hopeful romantic. Live fully, love deeply, shed tears when needed and laugh uncontrollably as often as you can, enjoy each moment for you will never live that moment again. And you can never love too much or be loved too much especially if that love is unconditional.

  4. Even after being cheated on, I still fall hard and fast. Trust is difficult, but attainable. It seems you and your friend just have different underlying emotions toward relationships, and that’s okay.

    As for being loved too much- men and women love differently. It’s hard to compare, and a woman will never feel loved “too much.”

  5. I don’t think you can love too much, because I think you have to give it your all with love. That said, I think you do have to be careful who you love, and they have to be willing to love back in a similar matter. That said, I’m the same way, I tend to fall all the way or not at all and give everything of myself, only to be incredibly hurt when that everything isn’t accepted. Hmm, something to ponder in my own single-ness.

    I love the idea of being half of something fabulous too, but I have to say that, after 6 years with my ex, much of which spent being unhappy because we were wrong for each other, I’m learning to love my single-self and the life I can lead because of that. Doesn’t mean I wouldn’t give it up if I found someone with whom I could share something special, but I’m currently refusing to look for it overly much. I guess it’ll just have to bite me in the butt to get my attention.

  6. Hopeless or hopeful?
    Falling too fast never worked out for anything, form orbital mechanics to relationships, but for the former, there’s a whole series of actions and conditions that the folks specializing in that sort of thing do… Actually, we do it as well, but instead of some guy with a skinny tie and a degree from MIT, there’s that one good friend (or group) that can study the path and make recommended course corrections. The problem – at least for me, being the smoking ball of mess that will eventually crater the ground – is that I tend to disregard the “Relationship Ground Control” and do my own thing. Hey, Major Tom never had to listen to them… why should I? Having been on the other side, you can only watch as the friend becomes a comet of “WTF HAPPENED??” and be there to pick up the pieces.

  7. You can’t love too much. But you can’t be all force, no vector. It seems like you shut off your emotions at work, and your reason in love. If you used both in both, then everyone around you would relax. Then you would relax. And when you meet that one guy, you’ll go “hmmm, normally I’d be thinking “he looked at me. I WANNA HAVE HIS CHILDREN!” and now I am thinking about how the fact that he is buying cat food, vaseline and condoms might not ge a good thing.”

  8. i have no answers to this mystery except that i know it’s a good thing, and it helps, to love ones self also. continue…

  9. “All force, no vector….” Absolutely….E Hotspur might be onto something….

  10. This seems a direct contrast to the post “How shit do I feel, right about now?” Karmic opposites. Perhaps I’m missing something? You say, “I am not entirely sure I get what love is or how a relationship should be…” I’d say that is a problem. To have a successful, mature relationship you have to know yourself very well and recognize it when you’ve got it. Lists don’t help in this regard. You might find this site helpful in clarifying about love and intimacy: http://www.theartofloveandintimacy.com/

    • I defy anyone to truly know what love is and be able to articulate it .. because we all have differing backgrounds, needs and desires. How else do you explain some of the marriages or relationships out there where you go “really?” when you see them? 😉

      Esp when we try yet fail at assorted relationships .. I’ve thought a lot about this and there is no recurring theme in mine, that is what I find frustrating because if there was – then I could work on changing my approach or even identifying what the heck the reasons behind it are .. The only common denominator is *ME* .. gah!

      I’ll take a look at the link you sent after work – thanks!

      • You’re right about that. First of all, there isn’t one kind of love, just like there isn’t one kind of beauty. So defining it is pretty much one size fits all.

  11. Truly I think you’re not yet the person you’re meant to be in your next relationship. You must have lessons to learn as a single person before the person you’re supposed to be with comes along. Now, you wouldn’t want to miss the “right one” because you have your head in the sand wondering why you’re not part of a couple would you? Use this time to grow personally (if you met someone right now you’d probably be almost the same person with your new love as you were with your last relationship). It’s not to say you aren’t pretty good the way you are – just EVERYONE could improve a few things about themselves – like the way you communicate maybe, or maybe you become passive aggressive in a fight. Do an autopsy on your last relationship – figure out why it didn’t work for you (& don’t forget there are 2 sides to every problem), work on how you could do those things better in the future & at the right time the right person will come along. AND you also have to stop looking for the right person – if you look for him/her you will appear desparate & needy, when you are enjoying your own life on your terms you will appear much more attractive to the people you want to date.

  12. I know I just commented, but I moved on to another blog I read after reading yours & it seems tailor made for you today. Can I suggest you follow this blog: Marc and Angel Hack Life. Every time I read it I learn something new. Today’s post is all about relationships & you might find it really interesting.

  13. Psst, I nominated you for a Sunshine Award, because you make me smile and laugh.

    http://julietkachyk.wordpress.com/2012/01/30/of-sunshine-and-steam-engines/

    Tag, you’re it!

  14. I thInk this proves how influential one’s attitude/experiences/perspective can be when faced with major life decisions. Not that one attitude is better than another in this situation, but it’s funny how two people can look at a situation so differently. I think it means you just have to do what you think is best given what you know.

  15. everyone’s different. everyone’s needs, desires, goals, paths, perspectives are different. i think as long as you’re honest with yourself and keep your expectations reasonable, there’s nothing wrong with the way you feel.

    who/what you are at work is NOT who/what you are in a relationship, so you need to separate the 2. i’ve dated some VERY professional women, and outside of work they were totally different (no complaint from me). falling fast/hard isn’t a bad thing. just make sure your screening abilities are laser sharp.

  16. I think the only way to love -too- much is to love wit no boundaries.. Allowing people to stomp all over you and not even offer an objection. Aside from letting yourself be abused, I quote Francious Sagan “I have loved to the point of madness; that which is called madness, that which to me is the only sensible way to love.”

  17. I was just catching up on your posts… sorry that the “serious talk” was not what you expected.

    I would much rather be you… loving freely.

    After 20 years of marriage and feeling hurt and betrayed I was certain that I would never love again. It thought being alone would be better than what I had been through.

    Once I was resigned that I would be alone, that I did not “need” anyone to complete me I met the love of my life. Too afraid to believe it was true I felt that I was sabotaging it… fortunately for me he didn’t give up on us.

    Reminds me of friends who were trying to get pregnant. Once they stopped thinking about it (and adopted) the babies started “popping” out…

    Relax, enjoy who you are by yourself and when you least expect it everything will happen just the way that you want it to.

    • Loving freely but for short periods of time! *grin* I guess that’s one of my failings in a way. I need to learn how to get harder and more suspicious but yeah I dunno how that would work really 😉

      Your story sounds lovely, and I am happy for you for all I very much do not agree with the whole “ignore it and it’ll happen perfectly” deal.. in your case it worked and that is a good thing!

      • I’m not sure getting harder and more suspicious would work out the way you expect either.

        Seriously, from what I have read since following your blog, you are a lovely person… the right person for you will come along.

        Don’t know what else to say about that… 🙂

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