Romance, Communication.. And Issues
Earlier today I found myself thinking about the way our past relationships /experiences can impact our future. What prompted this was the fact I’ve had quite a few dealings with lawyers and the ex as we finally wrap up the last bits of what was once our life together.
For all I realise relationships ending are generally going to mess one or the other up, I did try my hardest not to fuck him over royally when ending ours. But one never knows the impact, do we ..
And so it was that my thoughts drifted back to when I was a teenager.
It was so much simpler then, for all it didn’t bloody seem like it. For a start, love was something I totally, unswervingly believed in and – refer earlier simple statement: I was just happy waiting for it to show up.
You know how so many people advise “don’t look for love, it’ll just come to you” – that describes teen-me to a tee! I believed.You could say I was the ultimate romantic teen (weren’t we all?) complete with rose tinted spectacles.
I just loved the idea of love, romance, one special boy .. family .. happily ever after.. It didn’t occur to me I’d not get it. And that surety, that total belief of the fact it was going to be mine – I have to admit, it felt kinda nice!
Now fast forward (bear with me, this’ll be one of those back and forth reminisce posts!) to now .. And I think to myself: What has changed?
Although I am no longer a young girl with a head filled with notions of romance, teddy bears and roses. I do still want romance in my life. I’ll go out on a limb here and say most of us do.
But I’ve also been burned along the way and this has had an impact on how I think, when in a relationship.
Take right now, for example:
A certain fabulous blogger friend predicted I would find 2 men to choose from this year and it seems he may be onto something. I know .. He scares me too.
Right now I’ve got 2 gorgeous men on the “scene”. Without going into details, I think I know which one will go the distance and am happy with that. But he’s part of the reason why I was laying in bed this morning thinking about how much less simple romance is, now that I’m a cynical old baggage.
Try and keep up cos now we’re going to head back to when I was a teen. And bear in mind this was in the days before cell phones, emails, twit-face etc. So the boy had to man-up and call me to get the date in the first place.
Once done, this then set about a chain of events that never varied:
1. I had to suck up to my parents big time so when I said “can I go out on Saturday night” they’d say yes.
2. I had to tell all my friends. Oh the phone calls and chats at lunchtime – so exciting!
3. I then had to spend hours selecting my outfit and doing all the usual preparations (hairdo, nails etc) preferably with a friend or three in tow, and of course: had to play all the right music to let the world know I was heady in love and going out with my sweetheart.
Assuming the date was a success, and most were (which didn’t help with the tint on my spectacles one jot!) I’d be dropped home at the agreed time (or as close to it as we thought we could get away with!) and yet another chain of events commenced:
1. I’d lay in bed starry eyed thinking about how fabulous the evening was .. Mulling over every moment, every touch or glance or .. if things went well – each kiss.
2. Then I’d spend the week day-dreaming and of course: telling my friends all about it.
3. I’d await his call. But happily so. There was no issue with him not making contact 4.3 seconds after he dropped me off. There was no expectation of him emailing, facestalking, twittering etc. Not the least cos that technology didn’t exist lol
Instead, I had whatever happened in our last “meeting” as my reference point and this meant that I totally, utterly believed and trusted that everything was okay and I’d just look forward to hearing from him again “soon”, whilst basking in those memories of our fun date.
Of course, there does exist a statute of limitations even for this hapless romantic. If I hadn’t heard from him within 7-10 days I would call. No recriminations, just a phone call. And it generally would end in the setting of another date.
Don’t get me wrong, not every time – some dates were duds. But overall, I was very fortunate in my teen dating experiences.
A quick question for you now: Tell me you can remember that feeling inside of total and utter “giddiness”, of breaking into a silly grin or finding yourself smiling for no particular reason only to realise it’s related to that person.. Mm .. That is how I spent my days following a teen-date. It was awesome..
Back to the here-and-now and I’m in bed thinking about the man I spent some time with 2 days ago .. Yes, the giddy secret smile and all, cos tis fair to say he’s doing everything right.
I’m the first thing he does (er, that didn’t quite come out right!) when he gets home from work the first thing he does is touch base .. That’s better *grin* He’s taking it slowly but not so slow I have ANY reason to think he isn’t interested. I get emails from him at work if time permits. If I call him at work he sounds delighted, even when he’s busy.
He’s charming, funny, handsome as all hell.. He’s articulate, intelligent, in a great job. Treats me like a princess but pulls me up if I try my luck (damn him). I am never in any doubt as to where he is, when he’ll contact me or why he can’t contact me (if he’s travelling, which is a lot).
But this is the issue I have been pondering: that need for constant, high speed (and tech, if do-able) communication. It’s something that’s having a major impact on modern day relationships. Am I imagining this, or am I right?
A) It makes things move at warp speed.. Which is great for an impatient person like me 😉
B) It makes you totally and utterly freak out if the comms slows up for any reason. Which aint so good for an over-thinker like me 😉
You see, the day before we had an amazing time together. Then he set off to work and without warning his work plans changed mid-way thru the day and he became busy / unavailable.
I noticed the lack of response to emails or texts and I stewed on it.
I wondered had I done something wrong? Had I mis-read the situation and maybe he wasn’t that into me? Had he met someone else .. I mean really .. YES I thought that last one. The man left me, saying all the right things .. went off to work and met someone else and that is why I hadn’t heard from him.
WTFever, I’m retarded.
But this brings me back to the fact that one of the things I guess *I* have been impacted by over my dating disasters and relationships that have ended is “abandonment” / poor communication.
I loathe being left stranded, wondering what went wrong. It really does my head in.. So I’m hyper-sensitive to it, even when it aint actually an issue 😉
Does this mean I am high maintenance?
Ah well, always good to find something out about oneself, for all it came as a bit of a shock!
Posted on February 11, 2012, in Hope, Humour, Life, Love, Rants, Relationships, Stress and tagged Blogs, Dating, Hope, Humor, Inspiration, Life, Lifestyle, Love, Marriage, Musings, Online dating, personal, Quotes, Random, Rants, Relationships. Friendship, Valentine's Day. Bookmark the permalink. 19 Comments.