Baggage & Dating

In earlier posts I’ve talked about how past relationships can impact current ones. Well the true extent of MY baggage has really hit home this past 2 weeks as Mr New has been out of the country and I’ve been left behind (to stew in my own mind.. )

Never a pretty place to be 😉

I knew full well he’d be busy, because he’d told me in detail what he was planning. A ski trip with 3 pals planned many months before he met me. As I have said before, he’s very open and communicative – which I love!

On any given day I know where he will be and when – but even so – I have had more than a couple of dejected moments since his departure 10 days ago ..
And it’s retarded.

IN my defence (oh yeah here we go .. ) he did say “I’ll email you tomorrow” when he left me the evening before his flight to the USA. And he did not email me ‘tomorrow’. In fact, I didn’t hear from him for 3 days!

Sure, I could have called him but I was trying to be cool, so shuddup k 😉

Something funny, before I carry on – is the fact that I googled his star sign a few days earlier .. I am unsure quite what I think of astrology but some aspects of it really do seem to stack up. And in this case, based on some of the conversations he and I have had, I’d have to say the astrology site I was on had it nailed!

By now you all know I’m a bit of a nerd. So this next bit won’t surprise you – I actually scribbled down a few key statements, in regard to what I’ve learned (and read) about the things that he values or needs… or dislikes!

And it’s sitting here on my desk:

So when I am frustrated or wondering or worrying, I glance over to that piece of paper, read it and go “Calm the $#@! down, woman” .. This in turn assists me to switch my rational brain back into gear (and stops me from becoming aforementioned crazy lady!)

But back to the radio silence since his departure..

Why, when I had been TOLD it would be infrequent, did I immediately start to feel anxious and bummed out that I hadn’t heard from him? Why can’t I just accept that he’s busy (skiing, drinking and being an idiot with close mates – as planned!) and that he’s not in fact abandoned me and that he will be back?

i.e why is it so hard for me to believe that everything will be okay?

That insecurity really pisses me off!

By the time he did email me, I was convinced he’d met at least 13 women and was making plans to run away with them all. Yes, I’m THAT stupid. Bite me.

Now I have to say this – his email was brief but perfect: “Hello gorgeous”. Can’t beat that for a salutation 😉 It went on to explain the lack of contact, a few flight issues, car problems in snowstorms and a little about how amazing the slopes and skiing was. He closed by saying he missed me and hoped I was doing okay and would skype me as soon as he could.

The email was signed casually but just right: his name and “x”.

It’s embarrassing to admit how much of a thrill that short email gave me. Suffice to say I was very pleased .. And may have read it more than once 😉

But then I didn’t hear from again for 4 more days ..  and in those 4 days he had run off with another 13 whores women from the ski slopes and was never going to talk to me ever again..

I know!

*bangs my head on my desk*

Even as I write this I roll my eyes and go “c’mon you stupid woman” .. And if it was a pal in my shoes, I’d be saying “get over it, sheesh he’s having his boy holiday, he’s contacted you a couple of times as promised – consider yourself bloody well honoured”.

So why can’t I accept it for myself?

Of course, I can accept it and I have .. but for all that, it pisses me off no end that I experience these feelings of insecurity and doubt when I so totally don’t need to. Such a waste of energy!

Ah hell who sez I have to be rational all the time, right?


About lifeinthefarcelane

Giving life the shake down it so richly deserves.

Posted on February 23, 2012, in Humour and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 49 Comments.

  1. Loved this! Absolutely laugh out loud hilarious! Thanks for sharing…I can totally relate!

  2. When I was pregnant, I was convinced (in my head only) thAt he was having an affair with his good girl friend. Psycho crazy convinced…turns out it was the hormones talking. But I would dream it and wake up so mad. As long as their is a tiny itty bitty voice in your head that says you know it’s not true, you’ll be all right. If no voice exists, maybe the women are really pretty and he is only going out with them to hook you up with a Billionaire mogul. (speaking of dreaming…)

  3. This post was amazing. It made me laugh! You’ve got nothing to worry about! If you two can get past this then the battle is almost over! (:

  4. Wow. I was going to tell you that he was skiing with some snow bunnies but I thought you might get the wrong idea. Instead, I’ll just say it’s good you’re being honest with yourself about your feelings of insecurity. Love them. Embrace them. Then open the door and tell them to take a good, long holiday with Bridget Jones and you don’t want them to come back again.

    • LOLOL@snow bunnies. I don’t doubt for a moment there will be women everywhere @ the places they’re hanging out in! We’re very much in the early days of whatever we are or could be, so I don’t really have any rights to be possessive or annoying – but we’ve already ascertained this isn’t about rational thoughts 😉

  5. Amazing how we can be so confident, amart & successful in all other areas of our life yet insecure in our romantic relationships. I hate it too!

  6. Oh dear. Well, some people just can’t help it (I’m one of those people too!) and fear is a good thing at times (you’d rather be someone who gets insecure at odd times rather than someone who walks up to the edge of a cliff or up to a snake or into oncoming traffic without so much as a quiver of hesitation!) so don’t worry too much.

    We’re all quirky and strange, but life would be unbearably boring if we weren’t!

  7. A little insecurity is not a bad thing. Just means you enjoy his company and miss him. Nothin’ wrong with that!

  8. Am going through almost the exact same situation right now! Can so totally relate to how you feel and I’m sorry because feeling like that just reeks of suck! It will get better and we are so normal…the difference between us and other women is we’re brave enough to admit it!

  9. As you can tell from my post, I don’t handle a lack of communication too well. It’s actually the main thing that usually derails all my relationship. yes. I’m that guy.

    • LOL @ that guy .. well, from where I sit – that could work well for you or scare girls away. It’s a bit of a crap shoot, depending so much on the other person’s needs or issues huh!

      • Yes. I agree, but I find that in the very early going most women find it very, very unattractive. I’m guessing as you proceed in the relationship it goes from very unattractive to totally acceptable, because that seems to be one of the main things that women wish their men would do more often. Problem is, I have a real trouble getting into that stage.

      • I hear you there.. If a guy comes on too strong it IS scary, I can vouch for how that makes me feel too. But if he’s too distant it drives us crazy so it’s about that happy medium being struck.. and that is the thing some people struggle to do! Myself included. If I give a shit about someone, I wanna tell them.. I find the whole “holding back” thing really hard work.

  10. Kayjai’s correct so long as you don’t concentrate on this 24/7. But what the hell do I know?

  11. I think the fact that you’re being honest with yourself about your feelings but not going overboard by bombarding him with requests (well, demands really) for an explanation for him not contacting you is a good thing. It means you’re dealing with it, rather than letting it fester or letting it rule you.

    I have to ask, have you worn the words off that email yet from rereading it? 😉

    • Good way to look at it, thanks Julie. For all I am perhaps over-thinking it (as I am wont to do!) and feeling misgivings at the lack of contact – I am thinking things thru and acting rationally even if I don’t ness wanna be rational *grin* The kicker is, I don’t MEAN to be irrational nor do I like it .. but yeah that’s just how I am in the early stages of a “relationship” .. ironically, once I’m in the throes of a relationship, I’m totally fine. Work THAT out?

      • It takes time develop a relationship and the kind of track record that leads one to feel secure enough to not wonder, not worry, to not head in that over-thinking direction. That’s the easy part to figure out, my dear. 🙂

  12. Please relax, because I’m sure that you have nothing to worry about. You say that he’s on a ski trip? Well as long as he doesn’t offer a ride to a young lady who then has to go real bad, and gets her buns frozen to the fender, requiring him to take drastically intimate emergency measures… you have absolutely nothing to worry about! LOL

  13. I hope you didn’t let him know how insecure you felt – it would give him too much power! I had the opposite situation a couple months ago, when my husband went to Cancun for his daughter’s wedding. He complained I didn’t miss him enough. I just enjoyed having some time to myself again to act the way I like to act, when I want to act. A little freedom from time to time helps us appreciate what we have!

    • No, I didn’t say a word about how I feel heck I’d run if it was me (away / busy) and a guy pulled the whiner / needy thing on me .. Using the list as my “prompt” means I have been very relaxed the few times I’ve talked to him! In this post I was merely being honest about how I felt inside my head .. and how much it annoys me feeling insecure in relationships 😉

  14. Gonna second Kayjai and BrainRants.
    Grab a drink, kick back, and enjoy the quiet before he gets back. No reason you shouldn’t enjoy your side of the holiday.

  15. Dating is so much harder now than 20 years ago. I have been on and off with a 45 year old guy that has never been married or had kids. I am way over the limit with the baggage from my marriage and the repercussions it has had on my kids. Sometimes I think he uses this (my problems moving forward) as an excuse to not move forward (with me) himself.

  16. Hilarious post, which resonates hugely. Sigh.

  17. LOL, this was my morning smile, been there done that! Will you hear from him again before he returns? Or can you send him a message? If you do, send him a sexy message about your reunion with him, it will give you something better to think about and it will remind him of what he’s got waiting for him at home!

    • See this is where I kinda cock things up because my way of handling this would be to withdraw at this stage, not send anything let alone something nice .. Because in my mind he’s shacked up with some US snowbunny and isn’t coming back! Yes, I know. Refer earlier MORON statement and just smile and back away slowly .. no sudden moves!!! *grin*

      All jesting aside – historically my way of dealing with this situation would be to either stalk his ass via every medium known to womankind (which wont work since he’s on a plane!) and it make myself look like a total nutbar .. (which he is gonna work out eventually anyway heheh)

      Or I would ignore his ass 100% til he gets back and contacts ME.

      And the reason I prefer option “ignore” is cos I feel silly and worried about sending a msg in case he has backed off and then I look like a needy dickhead.

      *bangs head on desk soothingly*

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