Baggage & Dating
In earlier posts I’ve talked about how past relationships can impact current ones. Well the true extent of MY baggage has really hit home this past 2 weeks as Mr New has been out of the country and I’ve been left behind (to stew in my own mind.. )
Never a pretty place to be 😉
I knew full well he’d be busy, because he’d told me in detail what he was planning. A ski trip with 3 pals planned many months before he met me. As I have said before, he’s very open and communicative – which I love!
On any given day I know where he will be and when – but even so – I have had more than a couple of dejected moments since his departure 10 days ago ..
And it’s retarded.
IN my defence (oh yeah here we go .. ) he did say “I’ll email you tomorrow” when he left me the evening before his flight to the USA. And he did not email me ‘tomorrow’. In fact, I didn’t hear from him for 3 days!
Sure, I could have called him but I was trying to be cool, so shuddup k 😉
Something funny, before I carry on – is the fact that I googled his star sign a few days earlier .. I am unsure quite what I think of astrology but some aspects of it really do seem to stack up. And in this case, based on some of the conversations he and I have had, I’d have to say the astrology site I was on had it nailed!
By now you all know I’m a bit of a nerd. So this next bit won’t surprise you – I actually scribbled down a few key statements, in regard to what I’ve learned (and read) about the things that he values or needs… or dislikes!
And it’s sitting here on my desk:
So when I am frustrated or wondering or worrying, I glance over to that piece of paper, read it and go “Calm the $#@! down, woman” .. This in turn assists me to switch my rational brain back into gear (and stops me from becoming aforementioned crazy lady!)
But back to the radio silence since his departure..
Why, when I had been TOLD it would be infrequent, did I immediately start to feel anxious and bummed out that I hadn’t heard from him? Why can’t I just accept that he’s busy (skiing, drinking and being an idiot with close mates – as planned!) and that he’s not in fact abandoned me and that he will be back?
i.e why is it so hard for me to believe that everything will be okay?
That insecurity really pisses me off!
By the time he did email me, I was convinced he’d met at least 13 women and was making plans to run away with them all. Yes, I’m THAT stupid. Bite me.
Now I have to say this – his email was brief but perfect: “Hello gorgeous”. Can’t beat that for a salutation 😉 It went on to explain the lack of contact, a few flight issues, car problems in snowstorms and a little about how amazing the slopes and skiing was. He closed by saying he missed me and hoped I was doing okay and would skype me as soon as he could.
The email was signed casually but just right: his name and “x”.
It’s embarrassing to admit how much of a thrill that short email gave me. Suffice to say I was very pleased .. And may have read it more than once 😉
But then I didn’t hear from again for 4 more days .. and in those 4 days he had run off with another 13
whores women from the ski slopes and was never going to talk to me ever again..
*bangs my head on my desk*
Even as I write this I roll my eyes and go “c’mon you stupid woman” .. And if it was a pal in my shoes, I’d be saying “get over it, sheesh he’s having his boy holiday, he’s contacted you a couple of times as promised – consider yourself bloody well honoured”.
So why can’t I accept it for myself?
Of course, I can accept it and I have .. but for all that, it pisses me off no end that I experience these feelings of insecurity and doubt when I so totally don’t need to. Such a waste of energy!
Ah hell who sez I have to be rational all the time, right?
Posted on February 23, 2012, in Humour and tagged Blogs, Dating, Fear, Friendship, Hope, Humor, Inspiration, Issues, Life, Lifestyle, Love, Musings, personal, Quotes, Random, Rants, Relationships. Bookmark the permalink. 49 Comments.