Speed kills?

So the other day I was whining about how my issues (and need for speed!) could be a big part of what jeopardise/s my relationships and I received a huge range of comments & advice – which is, of course, because we’re all different in our requirements & issues!

Since then I’ve thought about it and realise that maybe I actually just need to re-define what slow is, and in doing so I may then learn not to freak out, fret and / or $#@! things up.

Cos really, I am not sure things are going that slow, for all I’m bitching that they are. It’s just different to how other relationships have gone for me.. And let’s face it .. they’re (the other relationships) plain gone, so maybe this whole new (slow) deal is a positive improvement.. ?

Let’s look at the facts:

Mr New has been in my world for 1 month now. Wooo long term here we come (snort) …

My attempted cynicism aside – in that time he’s been away for 2 weeks and he has a job that keeps him very busy. Combine that with my busy life and you have the opportunity for this newly diagnosed “needy” chick to feel very anxious!

But most of the time I have to say I am not anxious, I’m really enjoying what we’ve got going on and this is largely due to the fact that he doesn’t give me much chance (or need) to feel anxious. For all he’s perhaps unaware he’s even doing such a thing!

At the same time, I do want to take some of the credit here because I am working very hard to not lay my previous “issues” / stuff on him and to instead roll with it and enjoy myself in this new experience..

Heck, how can I be stressed out really?

We’re on a daily contact (in some way, shape or form) deal – which works fabulously for someone of my love language (that pretty much says I am high maintenance / needy!)

Oh sure they pretty it up by saying that I “value” what they refer to as “Quality time” .. but whatever .. “needy clingy witch” also comes to mind 😉

But the fact remains that for all he’s away a lot and busy and we have lives that could easily not intersect helluvanoften (today’s new word) we’re more than managing the connection. And since I am trying to follow his lead, I’m letting HIM do the chasing, letting him maintain a level of contact he is comfortable with ..

And I can’t fault him, I just can’t.

Classic example: As I type this he’s en route Europe for work. And I’ve heard from him at every place where he has wireless internet.. ! Initially I wondered, was I being too available (as I am prone to be!) by always responding to his texts, calls or emails – but ya know what people?

I cannot ignore someone who’s giving me what I want, that’s just .. rude, in my book. To say nothing of stupid. I mean heck, he is doing something I need and enjoy – why the hell wouldn’t I acknowledge and thereby (probably) encourage it to continue?

So Edward, I’m kinda taking your advice of “don’t go slow you stupid woman!” (OK I’m paraphrasing ever so slightly) but I am also trying to temper it with my new found “go a bit slower than is normal” thing.

And it’s working a treat 🙂

Sure, no one can know what may come of any new relationship but for this impatient, needy female – I’ve decided to just relax and enjoy it. And for all I’ve said these words many times before, I actually mean them now ..

Amazing how that level of confidence in someone (by virtue of their actions) can totally alter how you feel about a situation huh!

May you have a happy weekend .. 

Whichever lane you’re in!

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About lifeinthefarcelane

Giving life the shake down it so richly deserves.

Posted on March 3, 2012, in Humour, Love, Relationships and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 14 Comments.

  1. here’s my take, the reason you want things to go too fast when you begin a relationship is that you want the security that a relationship that’s a little farther along brings.

    HOWEVER, what you need to realize is that you are secure. You were confident and secure before said relationship began and even if it doesn’t pan out, you’ll survive it and still be confident and secure again afterwards.

    so what you need to realize is that nothing about your security has changed and relax a little (or a lot, as the case may be).

    • Agree! I do need to just remember that none of my other dating disasters have broken me (completely anyway lol) and to just relax into whatever .. definitely easier said than done, in the first few goes tho 😉

      • of course. i just thought i’d throw it out there because sometimes i’m oblivious to the obvious when it comes to my own life… 🙂

      • You know what else I thought of re this whole concept? My love language (which I identified recently after reading a book on it) is part of the reason I cock up relationships! Watch for a post on the idea .. but your comment has provoked a lot of thought!! (Thank you!) 🙂

  2. It’s your life, Fred! Something will turnip that will potato on Cloud Nine. It’s good that you have a man who will give you a cauliflowers or something.

  3. I love this! Can we institute a Love button, because Like isn’t sufficient. Not cutting it. I love the way you’re finding balance in this situation and with yourself. *hugs*

    • Thanks hon, it’s an exciting process!

      Makes me appreciate the value of thinking and writing my thoughts down! Cos I’ve had all these thoughts before but never tried to marshal them into anything vaguely sensible.

      Now, I have the chance to not only think them thru, I get insights from others to add to the mix. It’s been hugely helpful and .. I’m glad 🙂

  4. I can understand where you are coming from. It is important to me to know “where I am” with a situation. Feeling safe is important. Who wants to make the effort and expose yourself just to potentially get hurt? I spent alot of years in a bad marriage and I recognize I had alot of expectations that were not reasonable. In my case I wanted to be “enough”. Fill every need be everything. Not healthy. It is a slow learning process for me to recognize that not filling every moment of my love interest’s life is ok. However I still struggle with that period of uncertainty that I want to fast forward through. But , again, I am also learning the value of trying to pace myself because the sticky mess of unengaging myself when it dawns on me “this is not working” is tedious. Being an avoider I look to avoid that mess too. Dang, I just can’t win.

    • I felt like I’d written that comment for the thinking and confusion of “but but but” .. our past relationships can’t help but taint our new ones for all we like to hope we can move on etc … like you, I LIKE safe .. I like to know where I stand.. and consuming my lover’s every moment (in my ideal world cos that is what he does to me) however I am learning that I maybe need to throw caution (sort of) to the wind and go with something JUST IN CASE it’s fabulous …

  5. Yay!! I love hearing about happiness!

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