Love. I’ve been doing it wrong!
My love language is Quality time. What this means is that I’m the chick you see clinging to a man’s leg as he heads off to work. The one spotted waiting at the mailbox eagerly for him to return home. And of course, in between those two activities, I am emailing, texting and calling him to see how his day is going or at the least I am pining and thinking about him. I just can’t get enough of him, and am generally a complete pain in the arse ..
That’d be me on top trying to stop him from going anywhere without me .. 😉
Seriously tho, I have to say that knowing what my love language is hasn’t overly helped me .. It’s just now I have a name for it. I mean heck, any of you regular readers know by now that I am high maintenance. And I already knew that I enjoyed and / or required a lot of time with my love interest.
I suppose the best thing about it having a name is that I can tell said love interest .. And blame the book instead of me! 😉
Mr New called last night. He’s in Europe .. Buying me expensive presents .. (So he told me anyway) Which is kinda funny cos that is one of the languages of love and the one that rated lowest in my scoring. I could give 2 hoots about getting gifts, I want his time and attention.
It seemed the perfect time to introduce him to the concept, so I briefly took him thru’ the languages and asked him which one he thought was his. He instantly said “Physical touch”. Typical male, was my first thought but to be fair – we’ve all met that man for whom this isn’t their language and so I bit my tongue and we carried on talking about this whole love lingo topic.
I think it was good for him to hear me explain my need for time and input and I was very good: I said lots of positive things about how amazingly well he was doing on satisfying my need
to cling. for quality time.
Cos he so is! I mean heck – it was 6am in the morning, he was jet-lagged and letting me blather on about some nonsense I’d read in a self-help book when really I am willing to bet he would have preferred to be
carving his eyes out with a blunt razor sleeping 😉
After I had taken my quality time and Mr New had gone off to bed, I sat thinking a little about the whole love language thing and it dawned on me! I worked out one of the reasons why I have a string of failed relationships .. In particular, the reason why I tend to smother (and freak them out!) and cosset a man, in the early days of a relationship.
It’s all because of my $#@! love language! Think about it..
I need, enjoy, require – call it what you will – having time and effort invested in me, in order to feel content or secure in a relationship. My love language goes something like this:
“Nothing says, ‘I love you,’ like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there – with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby – makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.”
And without really knowing it, I have applied the same language to any man in my life. Because *I* need and value it, I figure they will too. When in fact their love language may well be anything but the need for time and attention to be lavished upon them..
Not sure how this new found awareness will help me, but I guess if I apply it to my relationship with Mr New .. Knowing about his need for touch as well as his desire for freedom and excitement with a non-clingy mate – then at the very least it will prevent me from overwhelming him with stuff that *I* think he wants, but that he could give 2 hoots about.
Sheesh@ hard work .. Tell me again, why do we keep at this relationship bizzo? 😉
Posted on March 4, 2012, in Humour, Life, Love, Optimism, Relationships, Stress and tagged Blogs, Dating, Hope, Humor, Inspiration, Life, Lifestyle, Love, Love Language, Marriage, Musings, Online dating, personal, Quotes, Random, Rants, Relationships. Friendship, Self Help. Bookmark the permalink. 39 Comments.