Trust. I’ve been doing that wrong too!
One of the “issues” I lug around is probably due to the fact that I’ve been let down by men I thought I could trust.. and I realised this weekend just how much it affects my thinking ..And any relationship I enter into..
Trust is such a fragile thing and I don’t trust easily, that is fair to say. I think, maybe in the past I did. But as I’ve gotten older (and been bitten) I’ve learned to be a bit more circumspect in my approach.
All this means is that I may trust a little .. or even quite a bit .. because at the end of the day I want to .. Bu-uut in the back of my mind there’s always that lil voice that reminds me of how shit it was the last time I trusted someone (and got crapped on from a great height!) and to be a bit cautious.
And – if my mind is in the wrong place – this can cause me a lot of angst! Aint issues grand! 😉
But in saying this, I guess there must come a time when one has to “man up” and decide if in fact those issues we’re clinging to – for whatever reasons, are worth hanging on to.
Although I have to say, I dunno that I consciously hold onto issues, they’re just kinda there. Like I’ve tossed a bit of rubbish in the backseat of my car .. I may not be able to see it but it’s there nonetheless.
So it’s really only at times of introspection that I stop and assess logically (open the back door of the car and go “OMG, WHAT A MESS!”) what it is that I am thinking, what I am feeling and then try to probe the why ..
I had a mini-meltdown yesterday which is what has provoked these thoughts.
All because Mr New dared to not be in “appropriate” (Which by my definition, as you will know is “LOTS .. AND NOW DAMNIT”) communication with me whilst he is working over in Europe. Yeah, I know .. Even reading that sentence I grimace at how badly it reads.
Ah shaddup, this is the reality of me and my past / baggage surfacing 😉
Really, we’d been in reasonable contact over the weekend, considering the time zones so I can’t really complain. Oh by the way – this is rational LITFL typing. But yesterday, my irrational and very vocal evil twin was busy telling me that I’d NOT heard anywhere near enough from him and that I wasn’t being treated properly AT all. And she’s verrrry convincing, damn her.
Remembering Mr New’s preferences (Not clingy, not hellishly emotional, No drama) I was very good. Instead of picking up the phone and
stalking his ass calling him for no reason at all, I sent a couple of nice texts and then proceeded to get horribly drunk with a couple of girlfriends.
Note: This system of relationship management only works if you relinquish your laptop, cell phone and any form of communication device, just so you know. Cos after a few rounds you may well think it’s a brilliant idea to call him up and yeah well, that call never goes so good, in my xp 😉
As seems to be the case with Mr New, he did just the right thing tho. He called me before going to the office. Yes, Sunday – what can I say, he’s a workaholic. I am too, so we’re a good match!
I had just hauled my woefully drunken arse into bed when the phone rang. Trying to sound moderately sober, I engaged in what I hope was witty and intelligent conversation for an hour or so before being told to get to sleep ..
And as he hung up he said “I’ll talk to you in a few hours k” and that was when, even thru the liquid-faction that had taken place in my brain, it dawned on me.
I think I can trust this one.
Or at the least? I’m gonna have to friggen learn how to and soon, because he travels a lot and I can’t keep drinking this way or my liver will give up the ghost and he’ll probably dump me for being a total booze-hag!
So people, wish me luck please. I am gonna have a hack at letting this one thru’ the defences a little further than I have the last couple of men who’ve been brave (or silly) enough to want to spend time with me.
I’m an equal mix of excited and terrified .. But hey – bring it on 😉
Posted on March 6, 2012, in Hope, Humour, Love, Optimism, Relationships and tagged Blogs, Dating, Hope, Humor, Inspiration, Life, Lifestyle, Love, Love Language, Marriage, Musings, Online dating, personal, Quotes, Random, Rants, Relationships. Friendship, Self Help, Trust. Bookmark the permalink. 19 Comments.