Commitment, issues & exciting news
I recently started reading the book “He’s scared / She’s scared” .. but I stopped after realising that it perhaps would be more appropriate for me to read “She’s scarred / He’s scared” .. so yeah turns out I have commitment issues with finishing books – Good to know. 😉
Mr New continues to be quite lovely – in spite of my many foibles. He’s back from Europe and for all his supposed preferences (freedom, lack of drama and other non-emotive stuff), he seemed rather pleased to know that I had missed him.
Yes, I told him. Sue me.. I can’t not be who I am, say how I feel. A) I couldn’t maintain it if I tried and B) Well heck, he’d find out eventually anyway.. That said, I am still trying to be mindful / aware of how I act, based on my past relationships (and failures!) so as not to scare him … yet – lol!
So anyway, that’s not really the point of this post. The point is I had an epiphany last night that I wanted to share with you all!
I think I’ve worked out how to ensure that relationships succeed and it’s SO simple I can’t believe no one has cracked it before!?
Each party just needs to put in a very large non-refundable cash deposit! Like I said, elegantly simple..
After all, it’s the investment that everyone understands .. for all we need and want different things from relationships, have differing love languages plus issues – the fact that we’ve invested a large sum of non-refundable (that’s important!) cold hard cash into the deal is pretty much guaranteed to keep most people wanting to make it work..
I know. I’m so clever ..
Alright, I’m kidding .. mostly 😉
You may be interested in the reason I meandered down this line of thought .. Cos it is kinda cool, I think.
You see on his return from Europe, Mr New suggested that he and I go on a holiday later in the year! Now on more than one occasion, when talking, he makes statements that indicate he sees himself around for awhile. But the idea of an overseas holiday is a biggie to me!
Not the least because the holiday we then opted for needs a large deposit paid in the next few weeks..
And it’s then that it dawned on me (brick / head = dumb-arse, I know) and I am somewhat ashamed to admit it – but I realised once he paid that deposit on the holiday, I would relax and just start 100% enjoying this relationship instead of fretting about things (that really don’t need to be fretted about!)
So, interesting developments .. Well, for me anyway 😉 And in the midst of all this, I now have a holiday to daydream about and plan! Yeah!
Posted on March 13, 2012, in Change, Hope, Humour, Life, Love, Optimism, Rants, Relationships, Stress and tagged Blogging, Books, Dating, Hope, Humor, Inspiration, Life, Lifestyle, Love, Love Language, Marriage, Musings, Online dating, personal, Random, Rants, Reading, Relationships. Friendship, Self Help, Trust. Bookmark the permalink. 24 Comments.
lifeinthefarcelane 
So you mean like alimony you pay up front, but you don’t get back no matter what?
And shouldn’t you take the word single out of your ‘about’ box, and just revert to being dazed and ever so slightly confused? I mean you are ‘investing’ in a relationship. You are playing the stock market of love and hoping that the pork belly futures of your emotions accrue significant earnings in the long-term, highly-diversified portfolio of your heart. Or something.
I love it, a holiday and a little security, that’s awesome. 🙂
And there’s nothing wrong with letting him know you missed him. As long as you don’t go over-dramatic (i.e. I thought the world would end if you didn’t make it back today, some such nonsense), it’s always nice to know that you’re missed when not around.
There was no world ending statements made, so I survived that wee pitfall *grin* I kinda took his lead, he had said he missed me (in an email whilst travelling) and so I figured I was allowed to miss him too. And say it!
What I am starting to realise is it’s not that he isn’t FEELING things or THINKING stuff (good stuff), it’s that he’s just gonna be slow at saying it or he’s going to say it in jest more than he in any serious sort of fashion for awhile. I’ve noticed it’s very much how he is .. and that is fine.. actions speak louder than words, as they say!
FANTASTIC!
So where are you going? huh? huh? where?
Somewhere tropical – his words “some place where clothes are optional” disgraceful!!! 😉
where you going?
Not confirmed the exact place yet – but I can confirm it will be somewhere that serves bacon.
I’d say that things are looking good. Real good! That’s great news! 🙂
Thanks Chris, yeah – even this dummy (when it comes to romance and stuff) can see it’s not too bad right now .. long may it continue lol
I love that he’s lovely. It gives me hope.
Enquiring minds want to know: Where is your holiday? Three people have asked, which is the required number for having to tell.
I like that he is lovely too. Reading that “commitment-phobe” book it stated that commitment phobes tend to pick their partners to assist in their phobia. So it could explain why I tend to end up with cold men, or men who do not want relationships .. this guy has been single for 2 and a half years after a reasonably long relationship, and is OK with being in a relationship .. which should scare the crap outta me but it doesn’t, I take that as a good sign 😉
As to where we’re going. It’s a toss up between somewhere in Mexico or the Caribbean at this point. We want to relax, soak in the sun, play, eat and drink!
Both those locations are ideal for that sorta thing..
yeah! I’m so happy for you, hun! A big fat non-refundable deposit.. Isn’t that like a wedding?
LOL yeah .. altho weddings don’t mean relationships work, any more than buying a honking great diamond does, these days huh!
Hope you are doing okay?
Nope.. A wedding doesn’t mean it’ll work. & I’d say with a wedding you have families & friends –all invested. Life makes no promises. I’m doin fine.. Get a little stronger everyday, just like the Sarah Evans song 🙂 Glad to see things going well for you… Gives a girl hope.
Enquiring minds want to know….where are you going?? 🙂 Yes relax and enjoy the ride!
At this stage we’re still looking at best options.. but it’ll be somewhere tropical over that side of the planet .. with maybe some time in the states for some shopping 😉
As much as I know your whole idea of an upfront, non-refundable, and-only-in-cold-hard-cash love deposit was sort of tongue-in-cheek, you obviously uncovered something incredibly REAL and VIABLE (could there be a book in the making?). Seriously, though, the most important thing I heard in this whole thing was “I realised once he paid that deposit on the holiday, I would relax and just start 100% enjoying this relationship instead of fretting about things (that really don’t need to be fretted about!).” Please do yourself a favor and file this bit of information away in a place where you can find it again later.
If you recognize now how much security and safety you find in making long-range plans together (and thereby defining an anticipated “together” over a long expanse of time), and that once the pressure of figuring out whether or not “together” is going to happen is satisfied, that this then allows you to finally be the person you want to be in the relationship (you know, the one that just relaxes and has fun and immerses themselves in experiencing the delicious and fun parts of being in love, or falling in love, or even in just being in the presence of good vibes) …. then please do yourself a favor and write this shit down where you can find it later. As in, the next time you feel that wiggly, squirmy, uncomfortable churning in the pit of your stomach that is asking whether you should be worried or not … go pick up your piece of paper, read the instructions (“make long term plans now”) and then just relax and get back to the “having fun” part.
You’re smarter than you look. Just kidding, sort of. Smart girl.
I always knew security and “commitment” were things that made me relax into a relationship. My problem is I tend to leap to that point too soon for the comfort of most men lol..
As you say tho, having fun enjoying the “now” is something I am very excited about doing (or learning to do, as the case is!) 😉
Good idea. I’ve been through a bit of life myself and I know from experience that people who have something invested in a commitment (time, money, immense amounts of emotional energy, etc.) always try a bit harder to make things work. And bravo to you for getting both of you to make a commitment (to have a hopefully amazing holiday!)
enjoy! continue…
I’d be cautious until you find out exactly where Mr. Guy intends on taking you. Afghanistan? Chad? Uruguay? Alabama?
Alabama could be fun, wouldn’t I get to satisfy some of my bucket list stuff there? Deep fried butter, grits, hush puppies!? Yum .. (I think) 😉
So exciting! I look forward to the vacation posts. Una mas cerveza, por favor!
investment, & both parties need to be in it for real. if it’s broken fix it, don’t throw it away. if it’s not worth fixing, then it was just a toy in the first place… i love your stuff. dang, i need to get on here & read it more often.