When girlfriends go bad

So I’ve lamented before how I can “land“but not “keep” a man. Well I was thinking it really is something I need to work on. After all, identifying issues is all well an’ good. Dealing to them is kinda more useful tho, huh!

And I think I worked it out. Or some of it anyway ..

You see, I think I am – at the risk of sounding like a complete wanker – a reasonable catch.

Before you all log out in disgust: I just mean that I’m friendly! Ok that still isn’t working is it .. fine – how about the fact that in a crowd setting I’m there in the thick of it? No? Ok, I’m intelligent, I have a good sense of humour, am generous and generally quite a fun person to be around.

All of which explains why I can attract a man..ย The issue we have is keeping said man! And the reason I can’t keep him?

COS I CHANGE WHEN I’VE LANDED HIM! ย There, I $#@! admitted it.

And that was actually quite hard to admit cos it seems soย stupid. But I do .. I go from being a fun, confident and enjoyable woman – the one who attracted him in the first place .. To an insecure, anxious douche bag!

Fundamental problem even for all I’ve worked out this lil gem?

I’ve NO friggen idea how to stop doing it lol.. but I’m hoping that the fact I have at least identified and accepted it is a good step ..
This whole introspection bizzo is a pain in the arse, I think I will go for a run and give my brain a rest!


About lifeinthefarcelane

Giving life the shake down it so richly deserves.

Posted on March 26, 2012, in Humour, Love, Rants, Relationships, Stress and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 36 Comments.

  1. I understand your problem and have a suggestion for you. Next time date someone who you DON’T ACTUALLY LIKE. You won’t get all introspective and crazy because you won’t really care either which way. It’ll work!

  2. Oh, I totally have this problem, the acting different once you have them one. If you find a solution, please share it with me. I’m out of inspiration (or maybe just using my quota for totally the wrong thing these days).

    And you know, you might figure it out while you’re running. The number of story problems I figure out while I’m doing something other than writing is astounding. ๐Ÿ˜€

  3. Yes, confession is very good for the soul. I think you’re going to be alright.

  4. Do you get worried that the person you are isn’t what he wants in the first place? You shouldn’t be!

  5. I think most people do this in one way or another… I find myself changing in to “I’m tryin’ to be perfect. I need your approval girl” if I’m not careful.

    I worked through it a bunch of ways– from the inside out (and still am) but THE most important part is to be aware of it so you can choose a different path.

  6. Just change your thinking from “If I don’t start doing X, Y and Z, he won’t like me anymore” to “If I stop doing X, Y and Z, he won’t like me anymore.” Otherwise known as “no trick the boyfriend. He no likes that”

  7. My advise is control your temper try to talk in the place that have peace location such as beach or the place that you meet him for the first time.Try to talk for the beginner of relationships.Try to talk without shouting ,be open minded …remember men like women listen to them.

  8. i think this is one thing i actually get right when i start dating someone. as nervous and awkward as i am, that is who i am- i don’t have a problem being myself, just anxiety that they may not like who i am. identifying that this is a problem for you is definitely a step in the right direction, i wish i had better advice to give other that “just be yourself”- sorry!

    • Oh man, that is cool – enjoy being able to do this cos me – so so not capable of being me. I LAND him by being me, then I go all stupid thinking he’s gonna ditch me (when I become involved emotionally) and voila .. bad times..

  9. QUOTE (from my mother) “It was not HIM who changed – it was YOU!!!” She kindly adds that I have “outgrown ” him ( whoever him is…)

    After much thought the bounders who make the bells ring for me are either emotionally retarded or damaged and being me I want to mother.heal/fix them – possibly all three.

    We need a working group to mindmap this!!! Seems an endemic problem for intelligent attractive capable funny marvellous women.

    • ewww @ fixing up men .. no way not me .. curious that your Mum says you out grow them .. maybe it’s more than you fix them (or give up on them) and that’s when you need to move on?

      Like you, it annoys me that a moderately intelligent woman like me can be so useless at this love game lol

      • Me too, my friend!!!! But 17 year old brings her peer friends to me because apparently I “really help them all”. What is it about saving others but being unable to save oneself???!!!!

  10. This sounds a lot like alcoholism – admitting you have a problem is the first step toward fixing the problem.

  11. Holy crap. I am going through this hardcore right now. I have gone from smiling, confident, take no shit badass wonderwoman to weeping, emotional needy pain-in-the-ass!

  12. Everybody changes after a relationship starts to develop. The secret is to use the happiness to change in good ways. And to bear in mind that changing the other person is, in the long term, self-destructive. If they are not the type you are looking for, don’t try to mold them into that person. Find that person.

  13. Go easy on yourself!!! Let all those wonderful qualities continue to shine, and be the beautiful confident woman you are!

  14. Don’t we all turn into douches when we really like someone, men included? You’re awesome! Love the bitch-slapping kitty.

  15. There’s nothing wrong or bad about considering yourself to be a “great catch”. If you’re fortunate enough to have it in the looks, charm and high performance pussy department as well as being a lovely person then you are a very lucky woman ๐Ÿ™‚

    Stop doubting yourself and get out there and enjoy life and plenty of monkey business on the kitchen floor , coffee table…… wink, wink… with each other because that is what relationships are about.

    PS – loving all the articles and the other readers comments ๐Ÿ™‚

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