Do long distance relationships work?

Mr New and I had our “serious discussion” yesterday evening .. it ended with me in tears and him looking angry (and maybe a little sad) as he walked out my apartment door ..

And you all wonder why I am unconvinced about this whole love thing or more to the point – with my chances at ever finding a man who will stay around?!?

*sigh*

Tis fair to say I am in danger of being ever-so-slightly melodramatic today, cos this “discussion” has really thrown me. It’s not as bad as it could be, I suppose. He doesn’t have (nor want!) 14 kids..

Instead, Mr New has taken a job overseas. Okay that isn’t 100% accurate: he’s going overseas for his work .. For at least 6 months. Maybe longer .. Definitely no less than 6 months ..Yes, I asked lol

And so I am here thinking “now what?” His thinking is we do the long distance thing.

My thinking is “why the $#@! can’t I keep a man?!”
*grins*

Okay okay, I know it’s not as bad as all that but .. long distance relationships .. really?

Oh and the reason he left in a huff was because I pretty much accused him of having an affair with some hot European chick as soon as he got there (ah shaddup, I was shocked and acting ever so slightly pissy!)

Actually he left because we were going ’round in circles with the discussion and I suggested he go .. Call it tactical: it was to prevent me saying dumb shit I’d later regret. Cos I was so not thinking with a logical brain, once he delivered his news!

Worst of all? I forgot to even say congratulations, cos it’s basically a promotion .. so that felt pretty bad. I sent a text offering my congrats and such after he left .. bit late then huh 😦

If you will excuse me, I’m off to sink into a deep depression whilst out running into the sunrise (just to be different!) .. The best thing about running? Leaves you so tired you have no capacity to do anything, including send whiny texts 😉

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About lifeinthefarcelane

Giving life the shake down it so richly deserves.

Posted on March 31, 2012, in Change, Humour, Life, Love, Rants, Relationships, Stress and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 43 Comments.

  1. It’s been my experience that long-distance relationships only work when there is a solid foundation before the distance becomes a factor.

    You’ll be fine.

    • Thanks, it can always be worse .. I could be horribly sick. And I KNOW I should derive comfort from the fact that my biggest problem right now is I have a gorgeous man who’s doing well in his job .. but that isn’t the only thing I’m dealing with, I just choose not to go there on this blog. So the whole deal kinda makes me go “fuckit” 😦

  2. that’s really crappy…

  3. This just really blows dead rats! And I haven’t said that since 1980 when my ex made me sit through watching an interminable hour and a half of that movie “The Blue Lagoon”!

    But no, this is much worse than blowing dead rats. This is heartbreaking and cruel and if Fate was an obnoxious drunk in a bar, I’d ask him to step outside so I could rearrange his fucking face!

    • Say, can you rough fate up then hand him (her?) over to me to finish off??

      PS Blue lagoon was fine, what is your problem man!?!??!
      *grins*

      • You wanna double team Fate with me? I’d love to, but see, Fate is a sneaky bastard and almost never fights fair. I’ve challenged Fate to step outside several times before, only to have Fate disappear and then blindside me at another time, when I least expected it, and in a way I could never have prepared for. Best not to tempt or taunt Fate, cause he almost never loses a fight, ever… But sometimes it’s just so hard to resist trying to kick Fate’s cruel and diabolical ass!

        The Movie? Maybe it was because I still had near perfect 20/20 vision back in 1980. Now if I watched it, I’d see everything in soft focus – which would be in harmony with the total softness of the… ahem – plot(?) as well as the alleged acting and the overall story line, which is in the Guinness Book of World Records for greatest need for willing suspension of disbelief by viewers of a movie that attempts to be taken seriously.***

        ***I’m teasing you in a good natured way so please don’t take me too seriously – or just get even by busting mine – if ya feel the need to… Lol 😉

  4. I agree with having a solid foundation before the distance, then anything is possible. Love shouldn’t be complicated, but it seems to always be that way! smh

  5. theforeverkind

    I have a long distance relationship, it can work.
    You just have to trust and love each other very much.
    A solid foundation is needed though.
    Im sorry, I know it sucks.

  6. The angst amongst us… Just stay calm. You can never ‘jealous’ anyone into staying with you. They either will or they wont. Guilt wont help. Paranoia and suspicion wont help. These will all just make the ending more likely.

    • mm I wouldn’t want to jealous someone into being with me .. It was just one of many scenarios that flew thru my mind as I absorbed his statement .. to give him credit he felt like arse telling me .. what should have been such a thrill for him was horrible because of me .. and that annoys me .. I’ve done damage control and he’s now back to being pleased with himself so that is cool.. but .. lots to work thru still. For me, anyway! 😉

      • Feel it. Don’t force it.

      • Feel what, can you explain what that means please?

      • It is either working or it isn’t. If you feel good, be content with that. But nothing you think or feel or project or wish for or fear is really going to alter the way the other person feels. They are either happy or they are not. You can’t make a relationship happens. It does happen. The more you analyze it the more pressure you put on it, and the more strain you add.
        That is why there are sayings like, ‘if you love something, set it free’. It just sounds better than stated advice.

      • Ok but if I followed the whole “if it feels good stay with it” thing, I’d not be feeling bad, no? I guess the important thing to consider here is he clearly isn’t “NOT” into me, its just his job has taken a turn I didn’t anticipate and I need to work out how I handle it .. Not sure if that makes me forcing it or something but well .. we shall see huh 🙂

  7. Gah.
    A tactical retreat was probably best at the moment.
    How long before he leaves, and will that be enough time for the two of you to sort out what you want?

    • EG, it was so for the best cos I was completely freaked out and acting like a right wanker .. I didn’t cry til he left tho so that was .. something .. ?

      He doesn’t leave for a few weeks and yes .. I will do my best to sort it .. if I can .. just that whole “HOW” thing I’m struggling with right now lol 😦

  8. Cursed, I tell you. Cursed. Now WHO OR WHAT is responsible for not organizing our life to give us exactly what and who we want, gift wrapped and exactly in the way we want. Sheesh.

    There is ALWAYS a way , but best not discussed or worked through when in shock. I think we need to stop and listen things through before we react. I am well and truly aware this is not always possible.

    Take a big deep breath. Did the run help?

    • I KNOW, RIGHT? I am seriously thinking of laying a complaint.. Somewhere!!!! 😉

      For all I think he was a little unhappy at my lack of joy (lol) he did understand my need to sit in shock ALONE and process .. that was cool.

      The run helped NOTHIN’.- I found a french bakery along the route – need we say more?

  9. I’ve had nothing but bad experiences. It can work…If she’s worth it…It all depends on your goals. Nice Post! Thank you.

  10. I wish I knew what to tell you. I’ve generally refused to even try the long distance relationship thing as I like hugs too much for that to work. They’re a necessity in my books and virtual hugs from your boyfriend/whatever just aren’t the same, don’t work as well.

  11. They do, at least when you’ve been together awhile. My significant other was gone for over a year. We talked every week. If you have a commitment to them, they certainly work.

  12. That sucks …. BUT I’ve been in a long distance relationship for almost five years. Not overseas just a 2.5 hour drive and let me tell you, it’s been a tough road. Part of me likes the distance – I get to keep my space, my world intact and then I get these little pockets of time with him and its like we’re on vacation.

    Of course, reality always comes and bites me in the ass … like now when he’s trying to find a way to move in with me and I’m .. just … not … sure …

    Anyway – that’s part of my story and I just realized that I was rambling in your comments (because we’re in mid-fight today) and I’m not sure if that helps in anyway with what you’re dealing with.

    • Oh I love the whole “vacation time” comment! Sadly, I guess I would see him maybe twice in that 6 months which – knowing me as I do – mean I’d spend half the time together crying and being a knob about how much I miss him then moaning about how much I am going to miss him when I’m gone lol .. I am exxaggerating a bit but only a l i d d l e 😉

      FYI 2.5hours drive is a bloody long time, well done for making it work, that is amazing!

      I have many Q’s I want to ask about the whole fear of moving in thing you mention .. ! If nothing else cos someone today just said to me “you so suit long distance” it made me think hmmmmm!!

      • Yeah twice in the 6 months time would certainly suck. We see each other about every other week and mostly that’s because I have my son with me on our off weeks (divorced mom with rotating visitation with his dad). I usually see him when I don’t have my son – he comes here or I go there.

        I’m all about the questions and I’ll see if I have some answers so ask away! I have quite the story to tell over these five years.

        If you want my email so we can have a more personal conversation, I’m cool with that too 🙂

  13. Sounds like you get to play for 6 months, and have a good man when he comes back. What happens in NZ while Mr. Clean is gone won’t hurt him, and it will make you feel good.

  14. You could always tell him you’re pregnant or something. I mean, it’s a bit of a desperate move, but it works on soap operas sometimes.

    Really though, see how you feel in like a week or something. If you go into long distance with the mindset of “this will never work”…it probably won’t work. Anyways, best wishes in this new situation Farce. At least he told you he’s leaving and didn’t just go to Europe and text six months later, “Hey! I was a bit busy! Wanna get coffee?”

  15. 😦 On the bright side, maybe you can travel to where he is going? Get in some long weekends?? Don’t give up, anything worthwhile is worth fighting for, or rather working for. My step-daughter is in the same position. After ending her marriage, she met a guy and in a very short time he is taking off, and she will be gone for the summer too! They are not sure how it will work, but they are willing to keep it going and see what happens. Just take it one step at a time and don’t let your mind play tricks on you!! Skype!!

  16. Skype sex?

    But in all seriousness (although, I was kind of serious about the skype sex), I think they do work, as others have said, when you’ve got the foundation first. And when it’s only to be temporary. I once met a guy on eHarmony and carried on a long-distance relationship for eleven months. Turns out he was quite the nutter, but could behave normally for short periods of time.

  17. Oh no. Oh dear heck no. Haha, but as the commenter above stated, if you have a solid foundation and a set ‘get-together-permanently’ date, then your chances are probably going to be slim. (Well, your chances are probably going to be slim anyway, but not much slimmer than any other people in a relationship!)

    I wish you all the best with whatever you decide, though! Cheers! 😉

  18. That stinks, but it’s not necessarily a doomsday. I once dated someone who was sent to Korea for work for six months — he went at our two month mark. Skype and some creative thinking 😉 definitely helps to bridge the gap and makes it actually possible to see each other, which is nice. I went over there about a month before he came back and we were able to spend a few weeks together in Korea, which was fantastic. It can be done :). Good luck!

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