Men shouldn’t read self-help books!

Some of you may recall my post about love languages. And that mine was “quality time” closely followed by touch .. Mr New had jokingly said his was “physical touch” when I first asked him (to which I replied: typical male! lol) but after he read the book, we learned it really was! Closely followed by quality time. So we are reasonably similar in our love languages.

And yes, you read that right: Mr New read the damn book. I was very surprised when he told me he’d read it, but I quizzed him (suspicious type that I am) sufficiently on the subject to realise he had in fact gone out and done just that. He said I’d raved about it, so he wanted to see what it was about..

Anyway, this book came up many times in the discussions held before he disappeared off to Europe for the rest of the year. In my more rational moments, I accept his statements as probably fair and reasonable. Some might even call them logical and sensible.

However since he left .. He’s just a jerk who ditched my ass 😉

Oddly, there’s something quite disconcerting about sitting talking earnestly with someone who SO isn’t into drama & theatrics. With someone who’s very much a “funny guy who likes to make me laugh” .. As opposed to the “Let’s sit and have a lovely long chat about our feelings, over a hot cup of tea, dear” type.

I say disconcerting because you know they’re very serious if they do such a thing and in this case – we all know how serious it was and how crap it panned out to be.

Sorry, this entry is all over the show .. Ah sod it, this is my blog. I can meander at random, if I want. Besides, it’s 3.45 in the morning and I’ve been awake since Mr New called me an hour ago. Seems he forgot the time difference thing ..  Jackass.

So yeah, this entry was meant to be about how a self-help book motivated a man to dump me. You see, his rationale for saying “let’s not do this long distance thing” was almost solely because of him reading that damn book.

Because we BOTH need, enjoy, want (D – all of the above!) to spend loads of time with someone when we care about them. And because Skype and emails and phone calls don’t quite rate as “quality time” .. the options (to him, anyway) seemed clear.

And so that is what bought us to where we’re at now .. Him just landed to work in Europe. Me left behind, both of us (I suspect) wondering what will happen in the future. All because of a damn self help book, whoda thunk it?

Clearly I need to read different types of books! So yeah, Elizabeth, when is the Mirrors of Bershan trilogy gonna be ready?!? 😉

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About lifeinthefarcelane

Giving life the shake down it so richly deserves.

Posted on April 11, 2012, in Humour, Life, Love, Rants, Relationships, Stress and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 19 Comments.

  1. As long as you don’t start reading the detailed memoirs of serial killers…
    If he keeps calling at such odd hours, it will probably make the sad go away that much faster!

    • ROTFL!! Yeah I think I will stock up on sappy romance novels to be safe *snort* Maybe not so safe actually .. they make my teeth ache when I read ’em!

      As to the call, I did ask him to let me know when he had arrived safely, so I wasn’t hugely put out. But you’re right – regular such calls would soon lose their charm..

      We’re kind of in that awkward “we were getting on so well but it’s kinda over, how are we meant to act now?” space. You can’t turn emotions and feelings off just like a light switch, unfortunately huh..

  2. I’m working on it as fast as I can. There shall be a progress update today, but I’m still on the time line of hopefully by the end of the summer. 🙂 Thanks for the linkage.

    And I’ll be honest, I refuse to read books like that myself because they make me paranoid that I’m doing the dating thing wrong all the time (when I actually do the dating thing).

    • Hmm ok I will have to find something else to read in the meantime I suppose (your Summer or mine, fyi???) 😉

      I must admit, as far as self help books go – I did like that one. I found myself going “oh yeah!” and nodding as I read it .. it wasn’t just about helping me work me out it, it helped me think about the other ways men or even friends may “speak” or want to be spoken to, really was fascinating.

      Hang on, what am I saying!? We hateses it!

      • Definitely referring to my summer. I have enough trouble keeping track of my own time without trying to keep track of other people’s.

  3. Soooooo, must ask – what WILL happen next ? And can you fling yourself into work and blink thrice and he is back?

  4. What a jerk. I am sorry. Honestly, the long distance thing would have been hard, but he should have at least given it a chance.

  5. That book did nothing but reek havok. When I read it, The Ambassador found himself to be somehow less than because he he’s so self absorbed he hadn’t even begun to consider how to help me feel loved & cared for. These feelings in turn became “I’m wasting your time” and “My deep self is not in it” as part of the break up talk.

    Act Amazing read it & then bought it for his girl, Ms. Perfect. He lost all hope in the relationship the minute he found out she’d already read it! Did she just not care enough to apply the knowledge? Idk… But I’m kinda pissed at that book.

  6. So sorry to hear your sucky-news about Mr New. Was wondering why he didn’t he even want to try the long distance since it was just about 9 months BUT then I re-read this post. I get it – he needs someone close by for the quality time and ‘physical touch’.

    I can only speak from my experience of the long distance relationship. My boyfriend is basically the same way too. I just didn’t realize HOW much he was this way until we took our rollercoaster ride in 2009 – 2010. We’re still digging our way out of the hole he created. Right now, the distance makes it easier for me. IF he were here every day, I’d have gone completey bonkers and the whole thing would go up in some kind of raging drama.

    I just rambled off again but I did want you to know that there are others out here who feel your pain and know how hard a long distance relationship can be. Take care and have as many drinking days that you need to feel better 🙂

  7. Hmmm. It’s not uncommon for this situation – Everyone wants to be “fair” to the other person (and not get hurt themselves). Long distance isn’t easy.
    He’s still calling? (Time zone difference is always a problem) Maybe he suddenly had second thoughts -wanted to hear your voice – and see if there’s anything still there?
    He got a job. He had to leave. Hard, but being strictly objective: What if he isn’t a jerk – just a worrier?
    It may be hard but the best thing you can do is go on with your life – and sound happy and busy with life when he calls.

  8. What is this “self help book” thing you speak of?

  9. Oh dear. Well, it’s a bit better if he ended it now than if he half-assed it for months just to end up saying the same goodbye later on or, god forbid, you find out he had cheated on you while away.

    Men are silly creatures. (Yes, myself included.) And things get even sillier when they steal a part of you and run away to another country with it!

  10. Just thought I’d see how you were doing.

    • hey thank you so much for checking up on me. I’ve been very AWOL, and may blog about it .. or may not .. unsure yet. Suffice to say, it’s been “interesting” which always beats the alternative. How are you doing!? I’m gonna send this to your last blog entry too, just to be sure you get it 🙂

  11. Have I mentioned how fabulous I think you are? As an “end of birthday” comment, perhaps?? 😉

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