Europe, Porn and Sexy lingerie

So yeah, apparently I’ve been a bit quiet (for me! LOL) Well it’s been kinda .. hectic .. in my world. In the last few weeks I have:

Moved towns, travelled 11801 miles to end a relationship*, been on a date with what seemed like the perfect man only to have to ask him to leave long before HE thought it was over and did I mention I quit my job after a scrap with a very high ranking govt official?

Mmm. Been a funny ol’ time for LITFL!

But let’s start with the *Paris trip. Going back a little bit now, we had the “break up because of the distance thing” followed by quite a few phone calls, texts and emails – more than one would expect from a guy who’s saying “this isn’t going to work” as he jets off overseas.

I became confused and thought maybe there was a chance it’d work but needed to know more. And so, on a total (and very expensive, ffs!) whim – flew to Paris to surprise / confront his nibs.

It went fabulously ’til the last day I was there and then it all came crashing down. The distance thing .. the lack of intimacy .. the lack of closeness .. it’s just insurmountable, it seems.

I flew home to a total shitstorm in my work situation (albeit not a total surprise) but on being smacked around a time or two too many, I had already told all the wrong people to shove it pre Europe and so I walked.

And when I say walked? I upped and left town!

I know. I don’t do things by halves lol

And so we have me now living in a different city, single. Alone, save for my 2 cats.
And kinda OK ..

I really like the above pic because there are – honest to god – days when I say to anyone “I’m cool” when I’m anything but. Not sure I’d cope with the wrong people saying “no you’re not, here’s a hug” but I like the concept for all that.

Now I KNOW I will be ok, long term. After all, I don’t have an incurable disease, a kidnapped child or anything that is really serious. I have an inability to find the right man. White woman problem. I get it.

But hey this is my blog and I’m giving an update of what’s going on and how I feel about it. Don’t like it? Don’t approve? Think I’m being a wanker? Fuck off. Oops I mean, cheers .. but please, leave me to sort myself out without your judgement, I just don’t need it.

Oh and the title of this blog? Well duh I packed lingerie, I bought video porn (albeit unintentional for all the haughty Frenchman at reception didn’t believe me) and .. well I went to Europe!

Yes, I know .. I left out the awful date, that’s a-whole nother entry in the making lol

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About lifeinthefarcelane

Giving life the shake down it so richly deserves.

Posted on May 4, 2012, in Change, Grief, Happy-ness, Hope, Humour, Life, Love, Optimism, Rants, Relationships, Stress and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 42 Comments.

  1. Well, I like having my favourite Kiwi back, but wow. You’re right, nothing done by halves. I think you’ll be okay, but you know how to get ahold of me if you need to. I’m half looking forward to the next post and half cringing about it.

    In the meantime, many many hugs!

  2. I love it. Not that you are hurting, but that you did something about it. I hate when I sit around asking myself questions about whatever because I am too afraid to just go talk to the person I need to talk to and get it over with or not over with or whatever. You are incredibly brave, smart, funny. Whoever finds you will be one lucky guy. Also, I want you to be word porn for me one day…I don’t know when yet, but can I use you?

    • I never said yes ! YOU USED ME!!!!! *grins*

      Ya know Hobbs, and I KNOW you know – based on your blog .. life isn’t gonna sit by and wait for me to get it. I need to grab it, shake the shit out of it and hang on for the ride. WHATEVER that may entail.

      And I’m up for it, most days. Some days I get battered and bruised (when I let go and fall off the roundabout) but I’m good for giving it another go.

      And that’s what counts in the long run.

      My biggest fear is to ever get to the point where I can say to myself “if ONLY I’d tried x”. I’d far rather go “I well recall the time I tried x and Y happened”. Even if Y sucked big hairy butts. Least I know ..

  3. No judgment here at all, but WOW! When you go for making changes, you really go all out, and even go great distances at great expense. Even though I can read the pain here in your writing, I’m still glad that there’s also still some optimism here, which is why I am optimistic for you. Cause I think you’ll be okay one way or another, and you’ll find your happiness and fulfillment, even if where, when and with whom seems unclear right now.

    • lol I know, Chris – I’m a twit *grins* I am always optimistic, only once in my life have I ever been so low I thought “is it worth going on” and that was way worse than struggling with romance. As it should be .. but ya know what? Whatever happens, I WILL be ok .. for all some days I bog myself down in the “BUT WHAT IF” and other emotions – I truly know I will be ok. Whatever happens.

      Doesn’t mean, of course – that I didn’t wish it was simpler lol

  4. You are one incredibly brave and sassy woman …. I applaud you for taking the leap of faith to travel one hell of a journey to give your relationship one last chance … not many people would try that … that is the stuff that makes the best movies … then coming back and making ENORMOUS choices … and running with them … WOWSERS! And yes, I too, feel the pain in your writing, your ‘aloneness’, but I tell you what, when you did meet that someone ‘special’ they are going to have to very very very special to deserve you!! (I know I’m a stranger … but … here’s a cyber hug – (()) – )

    • Do you know what? Cyber (stranger) hugs are great, because somehow to me they mean quite a lot – either I struck a chord or someone actually means it enough to take their time to write, and I appreciate that, a lot – thank you!

      I look forward to the day I meet that someone special, he’s gonna be awesome. And even if it takes me awhile more, it’s not exactly boring on the way.

      For all some days it’s crap lol

      Thank you for the comment, I do appreciate it!

  5. You’re a gutsy woman, my friend! And that’s a very good thing. Here’s to new beginnings and hoping good things and men are heading your way.

  6. The only way is up, right?! *thinks hard* Yeah, I think so!
    Btw, I almost died @ “white women problem.”

    • Oh fuck sorry, hope it didn’t offend. It’s a joke between an amazing African american friend and I where we whine about things and always end it with “WWP” and fits of giggles.

  7. Wow…you never do anything halfsies, is right! A fresh start in a fresh city…You go! AND…make sure we hear about it! Best wishes…

    • Thanks KJ, it’s goin’ OK thus far. A friend sent me an email the other day saying “You sound content”. I had to laugh because it’s been a long time since anyone could call me that and .. I do feel it. It’s nice.

  8. Whenever I say okay or have said ‘I’m okay” It meant I certainly wasn’t. Where are you? Email me at maggs146@tpg.com.au If you were close enough I would come sit with you a while. I see a lot of me in your thoughts, but more so in your actions and the yearning in that heart. Which city? Email me!!!

  9. We are just here to support you when your heart is aching.

  10. I’m glad to hear that your diseases are curable. That’s a plus in the dating world! Something to bring up on the second date, you know, ‘by the way, I want you to know that my crabs are nearly gone and soon we’re gonna do it!”

    I don’t think you’ve lost anything, Fred. I think you just weren’t satisfied, so you changed everything. You stuck your finger in Life’s eye and said ‘screw you, Life. You can do better than that.” And now you’re doing it. So good for you.

    I don’t mean ‘doing it’ doing it. I mean improving your…. because earlier I said…

    sigh

  11. wow – that’s a hell of a trip. I’ve been in situations where a lengthy trip seemed like a good idea at the time but soon unravelled. Hopefully your new town/job/chapter in life will look a little brighter soon.

    Next time you’re in Europe, hit the local watering holes (no pun intended) and have fun!

  12. Why does it bother me?

    I like this post because you have been hugely brave and should be an inspiration for anyone stuck in a situation they don’t like. If you aren’t happy with life, change it, that is what I always say. Also French porn… ding dong! Hehehe

  13. That’s too much to deal with. Hugs!

  14. Came for a visit from Hobbler’s blog and stayed for tea. Stay strong

  15. Gah. KJ stole my comment, but you really don;t do stuff by halves, do you?
    Doesn’t matter if it’s a “white girl problem”. Doesn’t make it any less real or less of a pain in the ass.
    So go you for stepping up and kicking it in the teeth! And I love that when your crap-meter filled, you actually did something about it.
    Rock on, litfl, and can’t wait to hear what happens next!

    • Oh nothing is gonna happen there, it’s over red rover. NO two ways about it. But at least I KNOW for sure. One thing this has taught me is how to handle break ups and critical discussions properly, so that’s all good. And hopefully the next break up (SO positive lmao) will be cheaper, that wee jaunt to Paris cost me over $5000.

  16. Benoni Goose

    Oi oi oi…I love it…never do anything by half measures…I love the way you think…you only live once and by George it makes for fantastic writing material does it not!!!!

    We all have a crappy times and although it might not be the best of times…it probably isnt the worst of times either…and you know what that blue fish Dory says(from the movie Finding Nemo) “Just Keep Swimming”!!!!

    • LOL It does make for good material!!! True LOL But totally and utterly would rather give life shit than let it pass me by. I plan to be one of those women in my dotage (a wee while from now!) telling stories and making young girls think ” maybe I should try X too ” .. vs being someone decayed and miserable in a rocking chair!

      Note to self: start swimming lessons, maybe life would get easier?? 😉

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