It’s Christmas morning here in New Zealand. And as I sit here enjoying my morning coffee, having done a few chores and taken the dog for a walk .. I find myself pondering “Peace on earth” and all the other sayings trotted out at this time of year.
I think really, it isn’t peace on earth we should all strive for. It’s peace within. If we attain that – we’re winning.
A short time ago I was reading overnight texts, emails & facebook updates. Everyone is posting gorgeous pics of kids and trees and gifts and the like. I have no tree, no xmas decos, nothing to say it’s Xmas here in the way of decorations. There’s other history behind why Xmas is of little joy to me, not appropriate for this blog.
However, I have to admit for the first time in a few years: I feel at peace this Christmas.
And it’s nice.
Happy Christmas to you. Where-ever you are and however you celebrate this date: I hope it is safe, relaxing and enjoyable.
PS Why the title? A fave kiwi saying is “she’ll be right, mate” It seemed apt to Xmas-it-up a bit!
So my last post was a tiny bit depressing, as I digested the news that I was destined to be single for a rather long time to come. However, some time has since elapsed and I am now accustomed to this notion vs. being somewhat bemused, confused and pissed off about it 😉
Instead of becoming too depressed, I have opted to change a few things that are within my control. And it feels kinda good, I must say!
Including pushing the lovely but (seemingly) out of grasp Mr fabulous into a safe place (for me) where he no longer features as “important”, instead he’s in the corner with other “so damn hot and want him to bits but don’t like the baggage he comes with” types.
He’s overseas – as always. And we do talk, albeit occasionally. And almost always on his terms. And for all I want you to all think I am in control i.e,: I’m “the man”, I’m a complete wuss and whilst his terms suck – oh how I love to hear from him 😦
Perhaps the most human and sad bit of this post which is really just intended to be an update not something to make you all wanna come cuddle me and make me feel better (for all I wouldn’t say no to that lol)
ANYWAY the real reason for this post was to say hi, touch base and wish you all a very relaxed and happy Xmas (assuming the Mayan’s are wrong, of course!) and to say “watch this space” cos by heck there’s some new stuff going down in my world in the new year and who the heck knows what it will bring but as I sink into my 3rd champagne here in 88 deg (F) heat, I wanna say “Bring it!”
And soon, I hope to be ready for whatever “it” brings 😉
How about you?
Are you ready for Xmas?
And the new year?
I look forward to hearing from you all and keeping in touch ~ way better than I have done til now. Below is a pic of the NZ Christmas tree. It’s found on many beaches .. it may not be Christmassy to you but to us it so totally symbolises Xmas in this sunny hemisphere come December 🙂
Merry Christmas, my friends. My wish for you is happiness in silly quantities and I look fwd to hearing about the pursuit of and/or realisation of it xo
Visited a psychic today. Cow clearly was bonafide: She told me I will be single for a long time cos I scare men. Okay her exact words: I am too independent and don’t need a man.
Hmm, how am I doing with this whole romance bizzo, Edward? *sigh* I’m sorry, I really want to want him but I don’t want to need him.. Is that so wrong?
Google search the word “alone” and you’re returned approx. 5174810 pages. Of pictures in sepia or black and white, of all sorts of things: Sad faced puppies. Children. People. Skulls. Kittens. In puddles. On the edge of a pier. In the rain. With tatty teddy bears. Sad prose. Broken roses.. If one wasn’t depressed when they 1st Googled the damn word they would fast get there!
Wandering along a deserted (it was 5am) beach this morning, I was hit by the realisation that I was thoroughly enjoying being alone. This of course got me to thinking and I started to dissect the word alone.
ALONE. Say it with me: ALONE. Say it out loud: ALONE. It just sounds so negative.
Sure, there are times when the word isn’t all bad. For example: “She couldn’t have done it alone” but even THAT is effectively saying if you ARE alone you’re weak, incapable, incomplete.. Alone, poor you.
To be fair, I tend to go on about alone. Banging on about how I wish I was one half of some sort of decent relationship. If we did a tally up, probably every second entry on my blog says this 😉 So today’s realisation that I was alone, (happily) came as a bit of a shock.
Sometimes I do wonder if people who say “I’m OK alone” are just saying it in the hopes they will one day BE ok but I suppose that is what made today’s realisation so much more of a shock. I did mean it. I felt completely okay with it.
So, as I’ve gone through my Sunday. Alone. I’ve pondered this notion of alone and OK.
I walked the beach. Alone. It was peaceful, soothing and enjoyable. I came home and ate brunch. Alone. Cooked. Alone. By me. Alone. In my home. Alone. It was delicious. Alone. Hmm, I didn’t wash the dishes. I need a house keeper, not a mate? 😉
I went visiting some friends. Alone. They didn’t seem too put out by me being alone. And after an enjoyable visit, I drove home. Alone. Stopping at the shops to buy some champagne. To drink.
A little while ago I was on the couch, watching telly. Feet up. Button of my jeans undone (very Al Bundy-esque) bare foot, singlet top. Urban sprawl personified. Alone, of course.
And I actually grinned to myself as I realised how much I was so totally okay with this being alone thing.
It felt good, that realisation.
Not to say that in a few months (or whatever) I wont think “I don’t wanna be alone” but being happily something when you kind of can’t change it: quite liberating I must say.
Now if you will excuse me, I am off to play music. Loud music. And fold laundry. And do dishes. And maybe go for a walk to the park so I can feed some stale bread to the ducks. And then come home and have a long hot shower, wash my hair and drink some champagne..
You guessed it: ALONE 🙂
The whole idea behind a pity party is to be miserable and make everyone around you miserable. Least that’s what my research tells me. Since it’s Spring here and there’s delicious little lambs a-frolicking, daffodils and freesias everywhere one looks and sunshine — endless sunshine (as I type this it’s 5.20pm and I’m sitting in blazing sunshine!) I confess, it’s proving to be hard to feel too pitiful. Update: it’s now 8am Saturday morning and the sun is shining (again!) and once more: it’s all good.
However, I was invited to have one and by heck I am going to give it my best shot! Below is a list of stuff that makes me go wah or irks me and feeds into my feeling pitiful now and then:
1. It disturbs me that the most read post on my blog is “fuck buddy wanted” – ya’ll are sick sick people!
2. It pisses me off that I have cold feet right now. If someone would please come gently place my slippers on my cold tootsies, I’d be appreciative .. really I would! <– haha wrote that last night and it stands this morning, I really am a lazy cow
3. I dislike the fact that every time I open a bottle of wine or champagne, it damn well drains itself dry — what IS that about?
4. I am exceptionally vexed by the fact that I seem to have picked up man-flu recently. Holy crap how you boys survive this: totally beyond me. I want to die. Or be nursed back to good health. By a hot nurse. No wait, I’m hot (friggen feverish, no less) whatevs, I just hate being sick and that really could be the theme of my own very pathetic pity party.
5. A good friend of mine died this week after what can only be called an arduous battle with cancer. If I could. I’d eradicate that cell splitting pile of shit from the universe, forthwith.
6. My eye balls ache. I am unsure if this is from the champagne and drug cocktail I had last night (medicinal!!) or from the man-flu? But it isn’t nice.
7. I sound like a man. Talking to a friend of mine yesterday and he honest to god fell about laughing when I answered the phone, then advised me I sounded like his chain smoking 87yr old Grand-dad. Jerk. I need better friends.
8. My taste buds are on strike. I didn’t even enjoy my morning 3 shot espresso and as anyone who knows me knows: This is the only reason I get out of bed in the morning *grumps*
Oh and if anyone knows how I can make and then post a sound file of myself for your amusement, post a comment with the site and instructions and I’ll give it a whirl when I return from my shopping expedition. I need more drugs to keep these man flu germs at bay .. back in a bit.
PS some random blogs I read and enjoy include (but are definitely not limited to) many, such as I’ve linked to here. Click on any of the words hyperlinked / underlined and check them out. Some will be attending the Pity party, others won’t — but all are very much worth a read and often drag me from my pity party place, when I dive into their worlds for a read 🙂
When I think “Edward Hotspur“, my mind immediately conjures up a raft of adjectives. Prolific writer (and due to his awesome readers, his comments are almost as good a read as his blog .. Of course, one could possibly .. just maaaybe blame this lady in some ways ..;) ) Other adjectives include satirical, iconic. Laconic. A bit of a twit with a weird fetish about unicorns (that pee rainbows, preferably).
I first “met” Edward Hotspur when he commented on my blog back in September last year.
I’ve stalked him ever since 😉
In preparation for this post, I googled him this morning and then trawled thru to page 12 before getting bored with trying to find just ONE page without a reference to him. (Short attention span, I blame the drugs) one thing did leap out at me when I was doing the search tho, and I thought it was quite apt:
“Nefarious Wit And Devastating Charm: Edward Hotspur” – No idea if he tweeted it about himself or where it came from but I liked it!
Anyway, all I can say is – Happy Flash mob day, EH! And to everyone else? You’d be a mug not to read him!
I started blogging almost a year ago and have found some fab blogs in that time. Many of you will know that in the blogosphere there is any number of awards going around but today this is just MY show and tell of the blogs that I follow / enjoy for no reason other than that I’d like to share them.
OK I lie .. In return for my sharing these gems with you, I challenge you to read one (or more!) and post a comment about your fave. Ready? GO for it!
I hope you enjoy these blogs as much as I do. And to everyone above, thank you for being a part of my world. I appreciate each and every one of you!
A sweet blog friend of mine posted (in his usual laconic fashion) an “award” (spam?) sort of post and I was fortunate enough to be included in the mix. The deal is you tag people and force them to answer random Q’s. I rather liked his approach: He tagged people and left them to choose the Q’s they responded to.
I think I will do the same but may .. if the mood takes me .. reply to all his questions, as set out below. Let’s see how I go.
What do you regret having done?
If there is one thing I have learned in my 40+ yrs of breathing it’s not to waste too much time regretting. Best advice I can give ANYONE is to find the “good” (or lesson?) in whatever may make you wince .. And instead of regretting it, try and go “OK, so I learned X”.
I know it sounds corny as hell but oh man it’s helpful. Trust me.
What would you change if you could go back and change it?
I would be brave enough to say no to everyone (family, friends and him!) when my (ex) husband asked me to marry him all those years ago.
Have you ever been scared of anything?
Many times, many things. Who can honestly say NO to this question!?
When have you been the happiest in your life?
When I have been happy. Der .. OK OK fine .. um. thinking .. thinking .. When I have been loved. And that doesn’t just the mean male / female “romance” sort of love.
What is your favorite position?
How many sexual partners have you had?
This week? This year? Ever?? I need more parameters before I can possibly reply to this, damnit!!
What is your credit card number, including expiration date and that three-digit code off the back?
Not being an American dun’ mean I can’t claim the 5th, right? (FYI in most circumstances, by law .. I cannot claim it but I’m gunna!)
Who do you think you are?
I’m me. And I’m (for the most part) OK.
Do these pants make me look fat?
No, it was those up-sized fries, the waffles and jelly donuts ..
What is your favorite thing about yourself?
I like my resilience. And by hell, do I very much need it at times 😉
Who in the blogosphere is your favorite person?
Too many to list but here’s a few – why not check them out? You may find I have incredibly good taste in blogs!
PS Have fun answering these questions .. I look fwd to the read!
Some of you may recall my post about love languages. And that mine was “quality time” closely followed by touch .. Mr New had jokingly said his was “physical touch” when I first asked him (to which I replied: typical male! lol) but after he read the book, we learned it really was! Closely followed by quality time. So we are reasonably similar in our love languages.
And yes, you read that right: Mr New read the damn book. I was very surprised when he told me he’d read it, but I quizzed him (suspicious type that I am) sufficiently on the subject to realise he had in fact gone out and done just that. He said I’d raved about it, so he wanted to see what it was about..
Anyway, this book came up many times in the discussions held before he disappeared off to Europe for the rest of the year. In my more rational moments, I accept his statements as probably fair and reasonable. Some might even call them logical and sensible.
However since he left .. He’s just a jerk who ditched my ass 😉
Oddly, there’s something quite disconcerting about sitting talking earnestly with someone who SO isn’t into drama & theatrics. With someone who’s very much a “funny guy who likes to make me laugh” .. As opposed to the “Let’s sit and have a lovely long chat about our feelings, over a hot cup of tea, dear” type.
I say disconcerting because you know they’re very serious if they do such a thing and in this case – we all know how serious it was and how crap it panned out to be.
Sorry, this entry is all over the show .. Ah sod it, this is my blog. I can meander at random, if I want. Besides, it’s 3.45 in the morning and I’ve been awake since Mr New called me an hour ago. Seems he forgot the time difference thing .. Jackass.
So yeah, this entry was meant to be about how a self-help book motivated a man to dump me. You see, his rationale for saying “let’s not do this long distance thing” was almost solely because of him reading that damn book.
Because we BOTH need, enjoy, want (D – all of the above!) to spend loads of time with someone when we care about them. And because Skype and emails and phone calls don’t quite rate as “quality time” .. the options (to him, anyway) seemed clear.
And so that is what bought us to where we’re at now .. Him just landed to work in Europe. Me left behind, both of us (I suspect) wondering what will happen in the future. All because of a damn self help book, whoda thunk it?
Clearly I need to read different types of books! So yeah, Elizabeth, when is the Mirrors of Bershan trilogy gonna be ready?!? 😉
So yeah, I could be ever so slightly drunk as I type this post. Nothing to do with the fact that I’ve been drinking out in the blazing sun with a few friends (It is a beautiful day here in godzone as we hang onto sunshine in the vain hope Winter isn’t lurking just around our corner of the globe!)
No. I suspect my being ever so slightly drunk could be more to do with the fact I’ve been drinking since … well, since earlier in the day ..
Since right after Mr New flew off to Europe.
We’ve spent a week agonising over choices. Talking things through. Crying. Talking. Talking. Crying. Cuddling. Talking. Crying. Talking about options. Talking about the future .. talking about choices ..
Til eventually, he made his . .
“In fairness to you, let’s just say it’s over and if we reconnect when I come back – All good.” Inference being if we don’t, well who the fuck cares anyway.
The fact he let them bring his going away date forward. The fact he seemed totally OK with saying “cya”. The fact he said “just”. The fact he seemed distant at the airport. The fact he kissed me on the nose as he departed ..
All (and more) are reasons why I’ve been drinking since a rather-too-early time of day.
So yeah, that’s the update on my life.. as it currently reads. Sorry for the radio silence, I’ve been reading your blogs for all I’ve not posted on many .. I just couldn’t..
Anyway, happy easter everyone.
A dear friend of mine dropped in today .. just as I was busy settling into a fabulously filthy black mood .. And I have to grumble that his presence completely threw me off! All I wanted was to sit and be miserable and instead this jerk turned up ..
And made me laugh!
See, we have this private joke .. it came about many years ago when I was bitching and moaning during a fat day and (horrible man that he is!) said friend grabbed my chin (And to be honest: I do only have one but still..) he looked me deep in the eyes and .. Well, before I go on .. I have to admit, I expected words of great wisdom to be uttered and instead, I got:
“Chins up darlin‘ .. ”
Delivered dead pan .. til I absorbed what he said .. then punched him, as we fell about giggling.
Fate (for all a fickle bitch) has it that this friend arrived because HE has done the long distance thing before and as my best best friend – he’s able to be blunt as hell about it, based on his experience .. but he also knows me well enough to know what my issues are, and what may or may not work for me.
His boyfriend – someone he cared deeply for even – disappeared off to live and work in Europe some years ago. And as we both lamented (him from experience, me from checking online!) the cost of getting from the bottom of the world to the top is prohibitive.
Not only that but as he said: “girl, it is very hard to look fabulously sexy when you’ve just spent 35 hours wedged into a flying coffin along with the seething, snoring and generally awful masses!”
Anyway, we sat and talked about his experience and how hard it was. About the good parts (the times spent together after time spent apart) and the bad (the fact that you are miserable half the time you’re together because you’re counting down to their departure!) and how it might or might not pan out with Mr New.
Long story short, no friggen idea if things can work or not .. but on a plus note I didn’t commit harekare (sp!) or drink my breakfast .. NOR did I get the chance to collapse in a heap and be a drama queen either and for that, I GUESS I should thank my friend.
Damn him 😉
An online friend nominated me for the versatile blogger award and to him I say:
Now before everyone gets all shocked about what an horrid tart I am, he only nominated me to stress me out so there! *grins* All kidding aside, Chris – thank you for the nomination and for being a neat new blog pal.. I’m glad we stumbled across each other 🙂
Funnily enough I was nominated for this back in Sept last year by 2 lovely ladies, their blogs I enjoy following to this day!
The deal with this award is that I must do the following:
1. Thank those who nominated me.
Done, albeit with about as much grace as an elephant running around in treacle.
2. Nominate 15 other bloggers who I think deserve it..
And so here we go:
Love this guy’s blog. He has the dubious honour of being my top commenter too!
This blog always makes me laugh .. And also makes me think. Great combo..
One of my fave bloggers, all round bang up guy chick, be sure to check her out.
I’m new to this idiot’s blog and am sooo glad I found him! Laugh ’til you cry material.
Other than being hellishly envious about her spicy improv pal, this blog is a fun read.
Not just a good read, this lady knows lots of good crap .. And shares it happily with us.
One of the first ever blogs I found. Even when life kicks her about she’s always just lovely.
Practically perfect, this blog is great. And when you read it, you’ll understand the p/p refs.
I’d be inclined to argue with her about the name of her blog, but it’s always a fun read..
One of my all time faves. If you don’t cry reading his latest entry, you’re made of granite.
I don’t know how to sum this blog up on 1 line. It’s random, interesting and well worth a read.
Another recent find, and one I’m so thrilled to have made. This lady is simply beautiful.
This is one of those blogs where you can find something of interest in every click!
Albeit frustrating as hell @the moment, I love this blog and am hoping for a happy ending.
Another new find for me – interesting to see singledom thru a man’s eyes (and words).
Gosh I do do things other than read blogs, honest! I just love how quirky this one is.
This one reminds me of me, is that bad to say? But, I like me. And I really like this blog too 😉
Love this woman’s blog. Another new find for me, and one that I am really enjoying.
Funny AND insightful – one of my fave blogs to provoke questions and make me think.
She makes me want to shop, eat and have sex. How’s that for .. creepy? Cool blog tho.
I used to think he was so tough, til I learned he was afraid of goth girls.. Check it out.
Adventurer, awkward (by his own admission) but awesome. This man’s antics always make LOL
This man’s blog is one that almost always has me nodding and muttering “yes” as I read it.
I just went thru his blog to find my fave entry and couldn’t pick one. They’re all great!
To all the blogs I follow, I say:
Next I am meant to inform my nominees of the fact I’ve nominated them.
No need, the site will ping them Yay!
3. Share 7 random facts about myself. Ok, see below:
a) I’ve sent a request to wordpress for a “I hate the fact this shit has happened to you but want you to know I read it and am thinking of ya” button. It can go right next to the like button.
b) I hate bananas
c) I rotate my dinner set so the design on the plates doesn’t fade or get damaged more on some than others. I heard you snorting with laughter, by the way. Yes, even from here..
d) Back in the 80’s I donated $10,000 to a charity without meaning to. I wonder if my ex husband has forgotten that? (or me!) I remain terrified of auctions to this day.
e) I had 2 horses when I was a girl. “Blue Thunder” and “Blaize”. There’s something quite fantastic about being able to gallop away from your parents when they’re calling to you and later say “oh I didn’t hear you over the hooves, sorry” .. heheh
f) I once gave a duck mouth to mouth / CPR.
g) I have 72 bottles of assorted drinks in my liquor cabinet. Yes, I think I did just admit to being a booze-hound on the innerwebs. I like to be prepared, that’s all. If I want a particular cocktail or drink I like to be able to just mix it up … which would suggest a certain lack of patience and you’d be right. It also points toward my loathing of shopping..
5. Add a picture of the award to this post – Done!
Whew what a mission, I need a drink .. 😉
Some day scientists will find a direct correlation between one’s IQ and their love life of this I am sure. Problem is, that while I may have occasionally banged on about how I like to think I am a moderately intelligent woman. (If nothing else I’m well educated!) I do actually like to learn and do new
men stuff regularly ..
But when it comes to love then at best, I could be described as a monosynaptic cretin.
Honest to god, as soon as cupid starts lurking around the fringes of my world, my brain ceases to function in a rational and calm fashion. And it really pisses me off. They say if you can admit a problem then you’re halfway home. Here goes:
“Hi, I’m Frederique and I become dumber than a bag of hammers when I enter into the mysterious realm of love and associated stuff.”
Cool, sorted – now I should be fine, right?
Maybe not ..
It is something that does bug me though. How I doubt myself and generally stop making sense when I am in a relationship..
Definitely something to ponder on and see what I can do to sort it out before too much longer cos I’m gonna guess a guy is attracted to my cheeky and down to earth attitude ..
Then gets to know me and realises I’m human like any other $#@! female out there 😉
There is a bunch of people on this planet whose sole purpose in life is to irritate me, I know this. And today’s lot are the ones who ask me if I’m single (which is a-whole-nother issue but I’ll save that for another day / rant) and then when I say yes, they respond with:
“oh dear .. ”
And sort of trail off into a now awkward silence (with a gently .. somehow sympathetic smile) .. as tho I might cry due to my delicate (and single!) state.
But you see, I don’t think I mind being single. After all, I’ve spent over half my living years in this state. Sure, some days it’d be nice to have an “other half”, but then I remember what a pain in the ass I am and I remind myself why I am single 😉
So ya know what?
From now on when someone says to me “Guess what!? I’ve met someone, we’re dating!” I am gonna go “aww .. sorry to hear that ..” and tilt my head in a sympathetic angle,applying the same pitying face they give me when I say I’m still single and see what they $#@! do!
So we all seem to be in agreement that second dates are scary .. but a 3rd? Almost kinda fun to contemplate, actually 😉 And yeah I know, you will all be smugly smirking (is there any other kind of smirk?) about my panic attack the other day ..
Cos poor DTR (Drunken text recipient) dared to not message me for x period of time.
Turns out he’d left his phone in someone’s car and had to go without it for 16 hours before he tracked said person down and was able to get his phone back. I’ve had 87 (yes, I counted, in the interests of accuracy on my blog!) texts since this event.
Not overly apologetic moreso just saying what had happened and communicating as per ‘normal’.
Oh but one of aforementioned 87 was an invitation to do something this evening. So, any minute now I will be whisked away to yet another evening of .. I don’t know what.
May we all say “gosh!” <– insert your own adjective as you see fit, I look forward to the comments section when I get home lol
What’s funny is that this control freak (me, for those not sure) has NO idea where she is going but she knows it’ll be nice, so she’s dressed accordingly and she doesn’t actually care that she knows not where she’s going cos she’s kinda thinking it’ll be fun anyway.
THIS is curious, considering earlier posts where I’ve speculated over what I like or want or need from a man.
Seems him “being confident” is good.
More later, he’s 5 mins away. Text 88 told me so 😉