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Someone stole my MOJO!

I’m having a very omg-what’s-going-on-woe-is-me / sorry-for-myself afternoon today, so look out cos if you keep reading, you’re officially my unpaid therapists 😉

Mindful that I never post any more, I am unsure quite why I don’t post, other than being a lazy tart and perhaps having no decent material, to be fair.

My  life has changed SO much in recent times .. and mostly in a good way, I have to say! The last year and a bit has been one of good but massive change however, my love life continues to be a complete screw up. (Nice to know some things never change huh!)

I’ve meandered between “I don’t care, I’m happy as I am” to “omg I wanna find a mate and be one half of something neat” to (today) “I have got to give up on this shit, I am clearly useless at relationships so why keep trying?”

Cos let’s face it, if I was as shit at ice skating as I am dating – I’d quit. If I was as rubbish at sky diving, I’d hopefully have a chance to say “no more!”

But with dating, omg there’s so much potential to just go on and on and on (cue Celine Dion / Titanic musack!)
And look how THAT worked out!??!

The thing is .. I am not at all unhappy. I am thrilled with where I am in life. Other than getting older (sigh) I am happy. But I DO find myself occasionally thinking “what would it be like to have someone around whom I adore?” Other than my dogs, that is 😉

So this explains why  I have had a variety of date disasters recently. (This whole “I feel like I need something else” bollocks thing being blamed!) but I am unsure any are blog-worthy, they’re just sad stories lol

I might go into details on that at some point, but I guess I kind of just wanted to touch base with anyone who still bothers to check in here and say hey, I’m alive, I’m quite happy but still single and (you can thank me now for being constant in that!) if I had anything more interesting than “meh this dating thing bites” I would write it, honest!

Dating disaster # ..ungh, I’ve lost count!

I’m fully qualified to receive this award after a slightly weird experience that involves online dating and me (recipe for disaster, I know I know!) 😉

Last weekend I met someone online and to say we hit it off is an understatement! We talked crap all weekend long via emails – twas not my most productive weekend ever .. thank goodness for wintry weather 😉

It just seemed that everything about us was “right”, we were interested in the same things, had similar experiences, were kind of in the same place in life .. we even had a similar fear of children and spiders!

Anyway, we exchanged telephone numbers when I had to go out, and kept in contact via texts..

This is where the dumbassery comes into it – cos I didn’t even realise it at this point: we’d not swapped pics. Which is one of those “MUST DO” things when doing online dating, in my experience!

So, the texts and emails continued all through the week and I was – I admit – thinking ‘wow’ something neat could be about to happen here .. So I wasn’t surprised on Thursday afternoon when he asked me to go out for a drink with him..

Unfortunately, I was in another town with work so had to say no (spur of the moment and me? Not a good blend!) however we got to a point in the conversation (about how would we know which person to approach in a bar) where it dawned on HIM that we’d not swapped pics so we agreed to send each other one when we got to our respective homes that evening.

He actually beat me to it and sent through 3 pics while I was travelling . And ya see, well.. this is where it gets awkward.. Cos he was buuuu-uuuut ugly!

Okay that’s unkind .. But he wasn’t my usual cup of java .. and so it was that I found myself on an hour long flight thinking “well what does it matter if he’s got facial hair? He makes you laugh and he’s super intelligent, don’t be so petty” etc ..

Which as an aside – irks me because sez who it is petty to like certain things!? I have a preference for clean shaven. He was very whiskery. Nuff said.

BUT I found myself thinking I could try and adapt.. He also had a big nose and I suspect greasy hair but hey I have my faults and I kept circling back to the fun we’d had chatting .. looks aren’t everything blah blah blah..

And so it was that I got home and sent him a pic thinking to myself: “I will give this a go!”

Yeah well clearly I wasn’t HIS usual cup of java cos he told me (a few minutes after I sent the pic) that he felt I was not really his type and I’ve not heard from him since.. Now if you will excuse me, I’m off to book in for plastic surgery ..

OK I jest. About the last line, but the one before it happened. He’s totally disappeared on me! LOL

And this next bit gives you an insight into how warped my mind is: It’s really bugged me that he’s done this! I think partly it’s cos I don’t know why he did it. I HATE not knowing things but also I feel a little aggrieved that he didn’t like me.. Cos *I* was prepared to try and get over my personal preference.. yet he clearly can’t get over whatever it was he didn’t like about my pic!

Ah well, chalk it up to yet another dating disaster (or chatting disaster, since we never actually met in person!) meantime I hope his whiskers catch fire next time he lights up his BBQ!

Seems it doesn’t matter where we live

Romance (or the lack thereof!) speaks to us wherever we are. Today my top hits were from:

United States

Oman

Indonesia

Romania

New Zealand

Yesterday,  I was popular in:

Country Views
United States FlagUnited States 3
Lebanon FlagLebanon 3
Canada FlagCanada 1
Australia FlagAustralia 1
India FlagIndia 1
Nice to know that having no bloody idea how to have a relationship is a world-wide thing 😉

Swinging (Yet another dating disaster!)

I thought it was time to run another series of dating disasters because let’s face it: I’ve had my share! Not all my dates have been duds, so don’t despair! It’s fair to say that some test my faith (and sense of humour!) however it can’t be all bad – cos I keep doing it 😉

This particular date night was one I have tried hard to stash in the darkest recesses of my mind, it was such a shocker .. substance abuse, alcohol and stupidity = bad blend. I only admit to two of the 3 😉

We met through a friend of a friend at a BBQ, many years ago now. He was elegantly beautiful. Sort of movie star meets businessman. I have a thing for pretty I am told. Well, he was picture perfect. Or so it seemed!

Not only was he educated, funny and smelt amazing – he seemed smitten with me and who doesn’t like when that happens? He was attentive, witty and we had a lot of laughs at our very first meeting. From there, he did everything right..

Got my address off our mutual friend and sent flowers to say he’d loved meeting me (swoon!) then there were phone calls, long lazy ones where we shared lots – he invested a lot of time in his pursuit, I will give him that.

There was also meals and drinks out .. parties attended, movies, ice skating – I really thought I had met a winner. And everyone said we looked good together, it just felt..

Great!

After about 6 weeks of this perfection, he said we had yet another party invite and was I interested. I’d have gone to the opening of a phone book with him had he asked, so a party was never an issue.  I set to glamming myself up – this was a new crowd mostly people I’d not yet met, so he said. Thus I wanted to impress. Sexy lil black dress. Heels .. the usual.

He picked me up (said I looked gorgeous – we liked him more with every meeting!) and we headed into a suburb that was affluent and picturesque – I recall now, I was impressed with the people he hung out with. He seemed very well connected .. I was in my late 20s and these things seem to matter at that age .. or they did to me anyway ..

Upon arrival we were plied with hugs, air kisses and – oddly (although not so much in hindsight!) I had my face stroked by one of the women who was at the door.. I wrote it off as a person who was overly touchy feely, we all know (and avoid!!) one, after all!

We were then told to help ourselves to drinks and boy were they generous hosts!

Didn’t seem to matter what one wanted, it was all there. Including aforementioned drugs.. It was like something out of a movie. I confess to being reasonably naive in my younger days so this display kind of freaked me out but I was trying my best to be all handle it and hang with the cool kids.

I also glued myself to Mr perfect’s side.
For all the good it did me!

Mr Perfect set to introducing me to everyone. And gosh but they were friendly. I lost count of the kisses and gropes I had! For all I like to be part of a crowd, I do recall it was a little .. odd.

About the time I was feeling super uber everything is about when it all started to unravel lol

As I said, I was glued to Mr Perfect’s side .. but the bastard unglued me and disappeared, leaving me in the (literally!) clutches of a very hot but … well, a lot older and OH YEAH FEMALE guest at the party.

Initially, she had done the whole “you’re new to this crowd, why don’t I introduce you” thing. And it was nice to view a friendly face amid the new ones .. not gonna lie there. Not the least cos I’d been ditched by MrBeautifullyperfect (sigh) ..

Then there was the moment I found her hand on my ass.
And her husband attached to hers .. whilst eyeing up mine ..

Should I go on, or do you get the picture?

Suffice to say, Mr Perfect and I – not s’much a happening thing from thereonin 😉

Cougars vs. Girls

I know the difference now! I finally worked it out, an hour or so ago! So exciting! Yes, I know .. I need to get out more!

I think we need to make a sign that goes:

Take a woman to McDonalds and you’ll have a happy time.
Take a girl to McDonalds and you’ll need a new girlfriend.
By all means, get a happy meal on your way out .. alone..

So you will possibly remember that last year I had a profile on a dating website. And I recently started chatting with a very charming man. A Doctor, no less. From England. Everything was looking frightfully proper .. he gave good email,  heck he even phoned me! And he was quite different to the men I tended to go for. Long story but I think we do tend to meet people through work, but since I aint no quack – that was not happening here!

Anyhoo. For us there were long chats. Ascertaining info about each other. Basically, I set to figuring him out before meeting .. this is the downside to online, I think. You kind of judge before even meeting.. anyway .. things came to a head when I cocked up  .. I know, I know! I SHOULD know better ..

But I had to ask!

Why – when you’re sexy as all hell (and oh my, but he is sex on two legs if his pics and skype is anything to go by!) well educated and only aged 29 – would you want to spend time with a woman of my vintage?  Why not spend it with young girls, peers. Friends – whatever. Why even show the slightest interest in an old girl, such as me?

He barely hesitated (and this is what hit me) before saying:

“I find older women more interesting, they’ve done more and they’re just so much .. (he threw in a few adjectives but I’ve chosen to hang onto one!) simpler”
Is it just me or did he just describe a 9yr old labrador?

Ah well, whatever ..  the upshot is we’re going out for drinks next week (our first f2f meeting) but I can’t help myself from wondering is it just because he hopes to avoid the marriage, babies and white picket fence crap that girls seem to want (I know I did, at a much younger age) and hopes for a quick fuck or is it cos he’s kind of into me?

We shall see!

Speaking of what we shall see – I cannot for the life of me see an old lady???

Work, sex & life. Howzat work?!

Relationships are hard work. I like hard work. Where the $#@! am I going wrong?
*grin*
Hello everyone, if you still bother to check in now and then it’s nice to see you .. if you don’t – well… you’re dead to me hmpfh!!

You’d also be forgiven for thinking I’m dead to you since it’s been forever (and a bit!) since I posted.

I have an excuse tho!!!

For a few weeks I was busy shagging.
Met a fab man and it was fun fun fun…

Then I was busy working.
Travelling.
Working.
Working.
Travelling.
Working.
Working..

Working…
No more shagging *grumble*

MEH

Hmpfh, dumped (for the wife!)

I mentioned I had met a man some months back. Not just any man, this one was quite special. That very heady blend of sexy, intelligent and funny. I think I’ve said before, I can handle not having the sexy bit, cos I find a combination of brains and humour in a man dead sexy.  So the package of gorgeous, brains and humour was quite special. Oh how he could make me laugh. Even his texts were a constant source of giggles and delight. Whenever we were together, time flew by – it really was just so.. good.

Except for, oh yeah: his wife. Not so good..

When we met he and the wife were ‘taking a break’. Now I never really got the whole “take a break” thing. Break UP: yes. Break DOWN, sure. Taking a break from a relationship just seems .. weird, to me.

He had been honest about the status of their relationship when we met and I didn’t think anything more of it. Hell at my age every 2nd man is divorced lol

He told me she’d suggested the break, so she could explore her options..  He said he figured she was over the marriage thing so left without too much of a fight, except for access to their 3 children. I actually could understand that, as there really is nothing enjoyable about trying to re-invigorate a relationship that’s passed its use by date.

Fast fwd a few months & she’s back on the scene, crying saying it was all a big mistake and can she have a second chance, the kids miss you and blah bla wah wah blah.

He did what most men would do, I suspect: He went back and is trying to make it work. Damn him 😉

One does have to wonder at the gods some times *sigh* So, lesson learned? I’m not yet sure I’ve found one.. wish me luck please, cos right now I just feel bitter .. and a tad jaded.

Ah well..

Inappropriate touching

I know I said I’d update you on the 17yr old on / off “romance”, some time back, but this isn’t that post. I know I said I was being confused by “that guy” well.. that hasn’t changed, he’s still around .. but this isn’t really about him. And I know I said I had met a new man and it was kinda cool. You guessed it: This isn’t about that either.

WTF is this about, I hear you ask?

It’s about touching base! (Hence the somewhat random subject line) 😉

It’s about asking how you all are doing!?

It’s about saying hi. And that’s pretty much it, actually.

My bad habit of reading blogs but not commenting or updating mine continues, my bad habit of working 12+ hour days and travelling / never being around continues. But I still read your blogs and do wish I had more time to say hi now and then.

So yeah, anyways — how the heck are you and what’s going on in your world?
I would love to hear from ya  🙂

Oh heck cos I’m feeling adventurous, here’s a poll (hopefully I get it to work right) I love how you guys do these.

I KNOW who I am

For all I don’t know how to have a successful long term relationship, I do know the person that I am. If I can say it without sounding vain – I even kinda like me and over the years have grown to realise that despite many short-comings – there’s a lot about me that is kinda OK. I know what makes me tick and the strengths and weaknesses that form the package deal of me.

Which I think is different to: “I’m a complete fuck up and I don’t understand why I can’t land a man” or “I have Daddy issues and wish the men in my life treated me better” – or .. Whatever ..

I suspect that sometimes people must read my blog, read the questions that I find myself asking .. As well as the “internal thought processing” I engage in and they must think I am a complete and utter loser.

Depending on your slant .. Your life experiences .. Your beliefs (etc) you’ll either think I’m a hard-assed bitch with no chance of finding herself a man. Or you’ll think I’m a hapless soul stumbling from drama to drama, and if I land a man it’ll be by pure luck 😉

So to the charming gentleman *snort* who took the time to email me and suggest I get over myself (plus a bunch of other inspirational statements) I say get lost. Oops I mean “thanks” but I’m happy muddling along as I am. So do us a favour –  take your arsehole comments and go harass someone else k

On a plus note it got me mad enough to check in and update my blog *grins* Hi to everyone, I hope you’re all well out there in WP land – I miss you all but omg I’m busy working some crazy hours all over the world and it’s really leaving me no time to even catch my breath!

But I miss you all and hope you’re all fabulous x

It’s raining men (Hallelujah?)

I’ve neglected you lately. I’m sorry, and I know I’ve already apologised but I wanna do it again so shut up and let me! Life, for all it’s been massively different since taking some time out has been kinda cool too.  A lot of time has been spent thinking, relaxing, being happy and laughing. Yes that sounds odd but I like laughing so doing it often has been rather fabulous.

As well as taking some me time, I’ve (re)connected with family and friends and made some new ones along the way. Not all good (lol) but the way I always try to look at it? It’s an experience and ya know? A lot of people never get them, (experiences, I mean) so who am I to complain!

Life is never simple though.

Right now, thanks to a lovely blogger friend of mine I am in the messy but fun situation of having 3 men fight for my attention. And travelling a lot for work, allowing for all sorts of opportunities and experiences.

I know. Oh poor me (shaddup) lol

To stay on topic – not only do I have an old flame from 17 years ago chasing me (long story, maybe one day, cos it is a lovely story) I also have this guy back on the scene but I think he’s either fucking with me or being cautious. OK I don’t really think he’s fucking with me on purpose but that isn’t the point.

And there’s a new adorable man also trying to get my attention. And it’s cool.

And I’ve decided that’s the deal. It’s cool. How can I complain about having men wanting me? How can I complain about being torn between him, him or him?

Oh yeah. Cos it’s confusing! grrr lol Oh to have my problems, I know.

Whatever, I really just wanted to say I’m alive / here, busy, having fun and confused as always. Nice to know somethings never change, right? 😉

I’m actually in love with someone else

But I really do enjoy spending time with you and hope we can continue to do this?

That is the line uttered to me just now. Or 2 hours ago, I should say. I’ve spent the last wee while staring at the wall (and drinking gin — lots) whilst trying to work out why the universe thinks it’s so funny to fuck with me this way (I’m actually laughing as I type that bit but in a teeth-gritted sorta way!) 😉

Ahh hell..!

Yeah so Mr nice guy – who is really nice – is in love with a woman who isn’t in love with him. Yes. I asked. It’s like tooth ache – I had to go there! From my asking, an hour long discussion ensued. About the woman of his dreams. (ie not ME!) but instead about a woman he’s madly in love with ..

A woman who does not share those feelings. Yet.
He hopes.

So he’s trying to move on. His words..

If moving on means dating someone else, he’d be right – we’d all agree, yes? And hey, honesty IS the best policy, everyone knows this! But uh yeah he’s IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE ELSE.

Let’s not lose sight of those words. Cos HONESTLY, talking to him and watching his face as he talked. He aint moving on. He’s just trying to.

But he’s in love.. Poor man.

Ah well. Back to the drawing board we go lol

Breaking up (r)

This is in part inspired by Edward Hotspur, a blogger I always enjoy. Reading or whatever 😉

I think reposting old content is really sensible, it may bring “new” readers up to speed or attract new readers. We won’t dwell on how it may bore “long term” readers to tears. Let’s hope they can cope *grins*

Not sure I am doing this right tho but here –> when is it right? is a link to a blog post I made almost a year ago. About when the time is right to end a  long term relationship.. Something I was in the throes of doing!

Enjoy!

Being, happily

I promised myself I wouldn’t write another post til I’d replied to a few of the comments (cos I love my comments and my “commenters”!) on my last couple of posts but I am in danger of having people think I’ve dropped off the planet so thought a quick update was in order before a busy weekend!*

Taking the advice from one reader who said “kick that idiot over in Europe to the curb” I have managed to push him out of my mind for the most part (approx. 98% there, lol .. he still manages to creep into my thoughts now and then) and I have been happily doing my own thing.

Healing, I called it today when talking to a friend. That sounds ever so slightly melodramatic but it’s been an awful couple of years with a bunch of stuff going on for me (not solely related to my love life) and this self-imposed exile has been extremely helpful.

It’s been a time for me to clear my mind. To assess what was really important to me .. and what was not so important. Interesting times indeed! And, as I say – very helpful..

As well, I’ve been slowly getting to know a man I met online the week I moved here. I’d not mentioned him and for no particular reason, I think it’s probably because he was just normal / fine so it was more entertaining pondering WTF the deal was with the pumpan’dump guy than saying I’d had a wine with a nice guy 😉

I hadn’t put any “label” on what we were doing until my best friend said to me “So you’re a couple now?” after a lovely dinner and drinks date on Friday evening. She was being sarcastic because in giving her the “bff to bff account of the evening” I’d said we didn’t have sex (SHE asked, we have no boundaries this friend and I LOL) but it did make me think “gosh, are we a couple?”

My thinking is I don’t actually want (nor need) to label it. I just am going to enjoy it and see what happens. Maybe having a certain lack of expectation is helpful to relationship longevity or maybe I’m just too tired of being hopeful and being let down, whichever it is, I am at peace with this no-label deal and enjoying spending time once or twice a week with this man.

And that in itself is kinda cool.

Also cool is the fact I’ve rediscovered the joy of music and I’ve also gotten into gardening. Yes, often at the same time! I have an amazing (ancient but awesome!) stereo but my ex didn’t like music (noise, he called it) so when I got here I had it set up so I have speakers all through my house including 2 that pipe the ‘noise’ outside. Which works well with my new found gardening habit.

I never knew it could be so satisfying!

I don’t like the dirty fingernails thing but love the result of my labours and each day I go out to my winter vege patch and eye up the very stressed out plants (as I imagine them covered in cheese sauce or gravy alongside my fave meals!) and delight in the whole vege patch thing I have going on.

Not quite taking time to smell the roses but along the same lines I’d guess.

Anyway, I do hope everyone out there is well. I often think of you guys and do try to read for all I don’t often comment but I WILL catch up some time (You’ve been warned!) Meantime I really must go and think about some more weeding. The down-side to gardening!

*Hah didn’t get this finished before he came over on Friday, it’s now Sunday afternoon and I’m trying to finish this in between other critical things I keep promising myself I will do – such as gardening and sitting in the sunshine 😉

And just cos it made me giggle:

(World’s worst!) Blogger award

I’ve been an awful blogger lately and I’m sorry. I read a lot of blogs [but don’t comment because I find it tedious to do so on my phone] I read everyone’s comments on my blog [again on my phone but can’t bear to reply because it’s just too painful] .. Every now and then I get in front of a real computer, only to spit out a rant and then vanish back inside myself.

Refer earlier “worst ever blogger” award statement.

Because I KNOW this isn’t a good way to be. I know if I commented on a blog and was largely ignored I’d probably give up, thinking the blogger was a total asshole. And I don’t want you to think I am a total asshole .. Or even an incomplete one 😦

But honest to god, I don’t know where to go right now or what to do. I am so confused. I’m so stressed out. So unhappy and yet sort of OK all at once. Refer earlier “confused!” comment..

After my trek to the other side of the planet, I came back semi-sorted mentally, thinking I knew where I needed to be. Mentally, I honest to god, tried to move on. And I moved on physically, to assist in the transition.

But he won’t go away. He’s kept in touch. However it’s not actually a good thing, a bunch of stuff is going down – almost all of which just serves to confuse me right now.

So yeah, I’m pissed off, upset, angry, hurt and confused. Awesome combo eh? 😦

But enough of this, really I just wanted to say hey .. and sorry .. for being an asshole. For being AWOLand awful. I miss the chit chat I used to enjoy on assorted blogs. I miss having fun on WP.

And I appreciate the fact that you’re sticking it out and putting up with me while I’m in this total state of limbo. So here’s an award for you!

Thanks for not giving up on me!

xo

Aw man, I just got pump an’ dumped!

Well, I got dumped anyway .. At least I am consistent .. Consistently shit *sigh* So yeah as previously posted, date night was a success, albeit short lived! All indications were that he was happy with the date. I mean heck, he even left 2 personal items behind which, as we all know: is the perfect excuse for a return meeting.

Next day I heard from him once. We’d gone from texting every few minutes to once. Mm. But hey people get busy so I didn’t fret. Next day, no texts til I finally sent one saying “uh did I do something to offend you ..?” The reply was prompt: “Nope, just got a headache and busy with work.”

Fair enough.. People get busy and get headaches.

But after getting that I didn’t send any more texts because, well – what’s the point if they’re being ignored, right? If I am honest, I was a bit pissed off and surprised so not texting seemed sensible in case I said something I may later regret! Be it a needy text or a pissy one, neither appealed to me!

Next day I get a “Good morning” text. I replied but received no response til later that evening when I had sent a 2nd text.

By this stage I was more than a little pissy so I ignored it and went to bed early. Least I’m all caught up on sleep, not for me the “can’t sleep” deal. When I am upset, angry or stressed I sleep like a baby, thank goodness – the amount of crappy dates I get I’d look like total hell if it was the other way around! 😉

It all came to a head last night when I sent a text asking when he was coming by to get his stuff. If I am honest I don’t know quite how it went the way it did but basically he said he got the feeling I wasn’t interested (Uh, YOU stopped texting me, buddy!?) I argued this point but that was his out, I think. And far be it for me to force someone to want to be with me!

So, here we are 6 days later and his “left behind” items are in my mailbox waiting for him to pick up and I don’t expect to hear from him again.

Like I said, least I am consistent huh ..

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