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Yule be right, mate

It’s Christmas morning here in New Zealand. And as I sit here enjoying my morning coffee, having done a few chores and taken the dog for a walk .. I find myself pondering “Peace on earth” and all the other sayings trotted out at this time of year.

I think really, it isn’t peace on earth we should all strive for. It’s peace within. If we attain that – we’re winning.

A short time ago I was reading overnight texts, emails & facebook updates. Everyone is posting gorgeous pics of kids and trees and gifts and the like. I have no tree, no xmas decos, nothing to say it’s Xmas here in the way of decorations. There’s other history behind why Xmas is of little joy to me, not appropriate for this blog.

However, I have to admit for the first time in a few years: I feel at peace this Christmas.
And it’s nice.

Happy Christmas to you. Where-ever you are and however you celebrate this date: I hope it is safe, relaxing and enjoyable.

PS Why the title? A fave kiwi saying is “she’ll be right, mate” It seemed apt to Xmas-it-up a bit!

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The end is nigh

So my last post was a tiny bit depressing, as I digested the news that I was destined to be single for a rather long time to come. However, some time has since elapsed and I am now accustomed to this notion vs. being somewhat bemused, confused and pissed off about it 😉

Instead of becoming too depressed, I have opted to change a few things that are within my control. And it feels kinda good, I must say!

Including pushing the lovely but (seemingly) out of grasp Mr fabulous into a safe place (for me) where he no longer features as “important”, instead he’s in the corner with other “so damn hot and want him to bits but don’t like the baggage he comes with” types.

He’s overseas – as always. And we do talk, albeit occasionally. And almost always on his terms. And for all I want you to all think I am in control i.e,: I’m “the man”, I’m a complete wuss and whilst his terms suck – oh how I love to hear from him 😦

Perhaps the most human and sad bit of this post which is really just intended to be an update not something to make you all wanna come cuddle me and make me feel better (for all I wouldn’t say no to that lol)

ANYWAY the real reason for this post was to say hi, touch base and wish you all a very relaxed and happy Xmas (assuming the Mayan’s are wrong, of course!) and to say “watch this space” cos by heck there’s some new stuff going down in my world in the new year and who the heck knows what it will bring but as I sink into my 3rd champagne here in 88 deg (F) heat, I wanna say “Bring it!”

And soon, I hope to be ready for whatever “it” brings 😉

How about you?

Are you ready for Xmas?
And the new year?

I look forward to hearing from you all and keeping in touch ~ way better than I have done til now. Below is a pic of the NZ Christmas tree. It’s found on many beaches .. it may not be Christmassy to you but to us it so totally symbolises Xmas in this sunny hemisphere come December 🙂

Merry Christmas, my friends. My wish for you is happiness in silly quantities and I look fwd to hearing about the pursuit of and/or realisation of it xo

R♥mance

Visited a psychic today. Cow clearly was bonafide: She told me I will be single for a long time cos I scare men. Okay her exact words: I am too independent and don’t need a man.

Hmm, how am I doing with this whole romance bizzo, Edward? *sigh* I’m sorry, I really want to want him but I don’t want to need him..  Is that so wrong?

Alone? That’s OK

Google search the word “alone” and you’re returned approx. 5174810 pages. Of pictures in sepia or black and white, of all sorts of things: Sad faced puppies. Children. People. Skulls. Kittens. In puddles. On the edge of a pier. In the rain. With tatty teddy bears. Sad prose. Broken roses.. If one wasn’t depressed when they 1st Googled the damn word they would fast get there!

Wandering along a deserted (it was 5am) beach this morning, I was hit by the realisation that I was thoroughly enjoying being alone. This of course got me to thinking and I started to dissect the word alone.

ALONE. Say it with me: ALONE. Say it out loud: ALONE. It just sounds so negative.

Sure, there are times when the word isn’t all bad. For example: “She couldn’t have done it alone” but even THAT is effectively saying if you ARE alone you’re weak, incapable, incomplete.. Alone, poor you.

To be fair, I tend to go on about alone. Banging on about how I wish I was one half of some sort of decent relationship. If we did a tally up, probably every second entry on my blog says this 😉 So today’s realisation that I was alone, (happily) came as a bit of a shock.

Sometimes I do wonder if people who say “I’m OK alone” are just saying it in the hopes they will one day BE ok but I suppose that is what made today’s realisation so much more of a shock. I did mean it. I felt completely okay with it.

So, as I’ve gone through my Sunday. Alone. I’ve pondered this notion of alone and OK.

I walked the beach. Alone. It was peaceful, soothing and enjoyable. I came home and ate brunch. Alone. Cooked. Alone. By me. Alone. In my home. Alone. It was delicious. Alone. Hmm, I didn’t wash the dishes. I need a house keeper, not a mate? 😉

I went visiting some friends. Alone. They didn’t seem too put out by me being alone. And after an enjoyable visit, I drove home. Alone. Stopping at the shops to buy some champagne. To drink.

Alone.

A little while ago I was on the couch, watching telly. Feet up. Button of my jeans undone (very Al Bundy-esque) bare foot, singlet top. Urban sprawl personified.  Alone, of course.

And I actually grinned to myself as I realised how much I was so totally okay with this being alone thing.

It felt good, that realisation.

Not to say that in a few months (or whatever) I wont think “I don’t wanna be alone” but being happily something when you kind of can’t change it: quite liberating I must say.

Now if you will excuse me, I am off to play music. Loud music. And fold laundry. And do dishes. And maybe go for a walk to the park so I can feed some stale bread to the ducks. And then come home and have a long hot shower, wash my hair and drink some champagne..

You guessed it: ALONE 🙂

Tag .. And I don’t mean Heuer

A sweet blog friend of mine posted (in his usual laconic fashion) an “award” (spam?) sort of post and I was fortunate enough to be included in the mix.  The deal is you tag people and force them to answer random Q’s. I rather liked his approach: He tagged people and left them to choose the Q’s they responded to.

I think I will do the same but may .. if the mood takes me .. reply to all his questions, as set out below. Let’s see how I go.

What do you regret having done?

If there is one thing I have learned in my 40+ yrs of breathing it’s not to waste too much time regretting. Best advice I can give ANYONE is to find the “good” (or lesson?) in whatever may make you wince .. And instead of regretting it, try and go “OK, so I learned X”.

I know it sounds corny as hell but oh man it’s helpful. Trust me.

What would you change if you could go back and change it?

I would be brave enough to say no to everyone (family, friends and him!) when my (ex) husband asked me to marry him all those years ago.

Have you ever been scared of anything?

Many times, many things. Who can honestly say NO to this question!?

When have you been the happiest in your life?

When I have been happy.  Der .. OK OK fine .. um. thinking .. thinking .. When I have been loved. And that doesn’t just  the mean male / female “romance” sort of love.

What is your favorite position?

Positive.

How many sexual partners have you had?

This week? This year? Ever?? I need more parameters before I can possibly reply to this, damnit!!

What is your credit card number, including expiration date and that three-digit code off the back?

Not being an American dun’ mean I can’t claim the 5th, right? (FYI in most circumstances, by law .. I cannot claim it but I’m gunna!)

Who do you think you are?

I’m me. And I’m (for the most part) OK.

Do these pants make me look fat?

No, it was those up-sized fries, the waffles and jelly donuts ..

What is your favorite thing about yourself?

I like my resilience.  And by hell, do I very much need it at times 😉

Who in the blogosphere is your favorite person?

Too many to list but here’s a few – why not check them out? You may find I have incredibly good taste in blogs!

PS Have fun answering these questions .. I look fwd to the read!

Baggage & Dating

In earlier posts I’ve talked about how past relationships can impact current ones. Well the true extent of MY baggage has really hit home this past 2 weeks as Mr New has been out of the country and I’ve been left behind (to stew in my own mind.. )

Never a pretty place to be 😉

I knew full well he’d be busy, because he’d told me in detail what he was planning. A ski trip with 3 pals planned many months before he met me. As I have said before, he’s very open and communicative – which I love!

On any given day I know where he will be and when – but even so – I have had more than a couple of dejected moments since his departure 10 days ago ..
And it’s retarded.

IN my defence (oh yeah here we go .. ) he did say “I’ll email you tomorrow” when he left me the evening before his flight to the USA. And he did not email me ‘tomorrow’. In fact, I didn’t hear from him for 3 days!

Sure, I could have called him but I was trying to be cool, so shuddup k 😉

Something funny, before I carry on – is the fact that I googled his star sign a few days earlier .. I am unsure quite what I think of astrology but some aspects of it really do seem to stack up. And in this case, based on some of the conversations he and I have had, I’d have to say the astrology site I was on had it nailed!

By now you all know I’m a bit of a nerd. So this next bit won’t surprise you – I actually scribbled down a few key statements, in regard to what I’ve learned (and read) about the things that he values or needs… or dislikes!

And it’s sitting here on my desk:

So when I am frustrated or wondering or worrying, I glance over to that piece of paper, read it and go “Calm the $#@! down, woman” .. This in turn assists me to switch my rational brain back into gear (and stops me from becoming aforementioned crazy lady!)

But back to the radio silence since his departure..

Why, when I had been TOLD it would be infrequent, did I immediately start to feel anxious and bummed out that I hadn’t heard from him? Why can’t I just accept that he’s busy (skiing, drinking and being an idiot with close mates – as planned!) and that he’s not in fact abandoned me and that he will be back?

i.e why is it so hard for me to believe that everything will be okay?

That insecurity really pisses me off!

By the time he did email me, I was convinced he’d met at least 13 women and was making plans to run away with them all. Yes, I’m THAT stupid. Bite me.

Now I have to say this – his email was brief but perfect: “Hello gorgeous”. Can’t beat that for a salutation 😉 It went on to explain the lack of contact, a few flight issues, car problems in snowstorms and a little about how amazing the slopes and skiing was. He closed by saying he missed me and hoped I was doing okay and would skype me as soon as he could.

The email was signed casually but just right: his name and “x”.

It’s embarrassing to admit how much of a thrill that short email gave me. Suffice to say I was very pleased .. And may have read it more than once 😉

But then I didn’t hear from again for 4 more days ..  and in those 4 days he had run off with another 13 whores women from the ski slopes and was never going to talk to me ever again..

I know!
WTF
?

*bangs my head on my desk*

Even as I write this I roll my eyes and go “c’mon you stupid woman” .. And if it was a pal in my shoes, I’d be saying “get over it, sheesh he’s having his boy holiday, he’s contacted you a couple of times as promised – consider yourself bloody well honoured”.

So why can’t I accept it for myself?

Of course, I can accept it and I have .. but for all that, it pisses me off no end that I experience these feelings of insecurity and doubt when I so totally don’t need to. Such a waste of energy!

Ah hell who sez I have to be rational all the time, right?
*grumbles*

Ramblings from the slow lane

I woke this morning at 4am, 1st thing I wasn’t overly thrilled by! Rolled over only to have my head remind me of the one-too-many drinks consumed last evening: 2nd thing that didn’t impress!

Realised the cat was using me as a pincushion .. owtch.. item #3. Listened to the not-so-musical sound of a discarded can being carried along by the breeze on the street below. Ah, so that is what woke me ..

Hmm, 4 things that pissed me off .. And it was only 4am..! I’m scared to think how damn cranky I will be by 12 o’clock!?

Do you know when I was a kid I used to fret about where the apostrophe went in o’clock? Looking back it seems such a simple thing but when I was first in school, gosh it used to worry me getting it wrong. I spent a lot of my childhood worrying.

Could be something to do with being born into a very loving, strict but “driven” family. I never quite managed to attain (or maintain, if I did occasionally get it right) the required standard .. luckily I worry about that less as I get older 😉

It’s cloudy today and this pisses me off. Not the least cos it’s:

I always feel a little cheated if it’s not fine on the weekend but also I’ve got a party to attend this evening, my best friend’s engagement party! Hundreds of people in attendance and my new party frock, purchased specially for the occasion, would really look a lot more apt on a sunny day. So could everyone please cross everything that the sun burns the clouds away? Ta ..

Does poor service get up your nose? It does mine. I don’t understand the work ethic a lot of people hold these days. Or fail to hold, as is more the case. Keep up will you? LOL You see, last night I was out with a few friends and the place we were at is frightfully de-rigueur. Everyone who’s anyone was there. Oh, plus me and my pals! 😉

A lovely setting, beautiful food, amazing wine / cocktails list: the whole thing was done well by the people with the concept .. But when it came to delivery?  Haphazard, at best. It must be so frustrating to have to rely on others to deliver your concept. I know I couldn’t do it..

Case in point: (Or several, really – cos our waitress failed to deliver on many counts!) Sure, she was busy but hell-o, bring a champagne bottle to the table without an ice filled bucket? Whatever. Cool, she remembered and bought us one eventually, but isn’t that just 1.01 service, it’s not like we asked for anything special.. ?

I loathe poor service with a passion. There, I said it! For all I know I’d make a rubbish waitress (way too many laps begging for hot soup or heads begging for cold drinks on ’em!) I kinda have this thing that if you’re going to do something – why not do it well?

Do you worry about the future of mankind? I do ..

I just don’t see how this soft society we’re developing is going to have what it takes to not fuck over the planet in a short frame of time.. I was immensely peeved this week to read an article about a teenager who was trying to sue his school for being treated badly.

A) the sensationalist article was a classic example of the dross “journalism” displayed by so many in that industry now and B) the kid was “distressed” because he’d been told he couldn’t come to school with lime green mohawk styled hair.

Sure, we all know I have a bit of a thing about lime green *grins* But ya know what, kid? Get the hell over yourself. The school you are in has a dress code, deal with it. Cos you know what? At some point it’s possible you’re gonna have to deal with the fact that some restaurants or clubs may not let you in if you’re not wearing a tie or some workplaces may expect you not to look like an unwashed leftover from the 70’s..

Assuming you can get to through the interview without becoming distressed at all the ‘tricky’ questions the nasty company asked you, of course .. *rolls my eyes*

What really annoyed me was his parents were also making like they were offended by the school’s stance. Did they not read the paperwork when they signed precious wee Johnny into the school?  Him and his parents need a boot applied rhythmically to their behinds.

And since I’m on the whole random rant thing – I’ve decided I really really don’t like those cats with the flattened ears. They just look kinda .. creepy, somehow ..

On a plus note, (assuming you’ve not given up on me for being a complete grouch in today’s post) I do believe I’ve run outta stuff to whinge about! Oh to have nothing but first world problems 😉 Enjoy your weekend everyone!

The Pump and Dump – Worst Thing EVER or Blessing in Disguise?

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I think we all need to read this .. Regularly!

The Reluctant Monogamist

Based on what I’m reading out there in the blogosphere and what I’m hearing from my lady friends, getting pumped and dumped is the very worst thing that can happen to a woman.  What is a pump and dump you ask?  Well, it’s when a lady and a gentleman go out on a date (or two, or three or however many it takes) and get down to the sexy time and then the gentleman fails to call the lady back.  Or fades out.  They never see each other again, no more sexy time happens and the lady runs to her friends/the internet to cry FOUL.

Obviously this happens to men as well.  I am ashamed to admit that I am guilty of perpetrating a few pump and dumps in my time.  (Why?  Well that’s a whole post on its own.  I’ll give you a hint:  It rhymes with “Rad Mex”).  It’s…

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Hands up, who doesn’t hold the pickles?

I’m working away today when hunger pangs attack me – as they are wont to do when it’s 2pm and I’ve not had breakfast (shh I know .. I know, it’s all bad) but anyway I wander into the nearest takeaway joint because I want energy (food) and I want it now! So Burger King it is ..

Now maybe I’m a bad person because I see “diet delight” (saladdy things) on the menu but yeah I order a whopper with a side of fries and a side of onion rings AND a coke. Diet coke could give me brain tumours, I’ll stick with sugar vs phenylanalalalaland, thank you very much.

So I sit down to stuff my face in a plasticcy booth surrounded by spotty youths. (I hate school holidays. And being old) with my plasticcy food and I get snotty.

Literally!

You see, there is what can best be described as onion snot dangling it’s way out of my burger. Every bite, it’s there tickling my chin. That lil bit of opaque but annoying “film” that often is attached to slices of onion.

Someone should be hired to remove those slimy bits of .. stuff .. I know that I’d pay $1 more per burger for this.

The 2nd thing that bugs me is the fact that my fries and onion rings come in something called a fry-pod. WHAT THE? Did Steve Jobs buy shares in your company or did some geek get his hands on the marketing material for 2012 – either way, it’s .. weird.

Oh and by the way, I aint stupid – your branded “pods” are way smaller than they used to be. Shame the price isn’t!

Note the snot, dangling from the pod.

I know.
Gross.

YOU weren’t the one served it!!!

By the way those big arsed “things” on the bottom left of the pic? The 2 pieces of pickle I finally gave up on and ejected from my burger. Holy cow they were monsters .. pickles are obviously cheaper than .. everything!

It wasn’t all bad, mind … Because we’re a bit posh (please say that with a frightfully Nigella meets complete knob “tone”, for max. impact) here on our side of the planet, we get garlic aioli with our fries. Not for us the ordinary red glop .. I know .. burn with envy .. I’ll wait.

As well, we get 2 serviettes (TWO!) when handed our tray of plastic food. Impressed? I was. Especially after reading this post by a friend of mine.

However, his blog entry did annoy me somewhat.

Because instead of stuffing my plastic fantastic meal into my face in the 15 mins I had allowed myself to break for a late lunch before running back to work.. I instead sat and PONDERED on my meal for damn near 25 minutes. (He’s getting the Bill in the mail) Yes, I get the irony and he will too 😉

Cos gosh it was awful.

Now I KNOW I am often accused of being a bit of a food snob. And I admit I do not have fast food often. I like good food, I can cook very well and I have sufficient money to fund having nice meals out.. Being lazy today, I didn’t have lunch and so opted for this fast food option.

But really, it was yukky.

I know the cheese is yellow plastic and was at peace with that. But I really “observed” as I ate and I found the tomato unripe and just an attempt at being “red fruit, in a bun”. The lettuce had that “I’ve been cut up in the fridge ever so slightly too long, how’s that taste working for you?” thing going on.

The onion – even allowing for the snot – was limp and rather tasteless. I dare you to get an onion now and take a bite. It wont be tasteless! But put it on the counter and leave it for a day .. now tell me how it tastes? Mm fast … food ..

And the mayo was .. generic mayo that had sat around a tad too long, also. The whole deal sucked and without wishing to sound like a complete wanker .. I’m thinking fast food could well be off the menu for me from now on.

So tell me, do you hold the mayo, pickle, lettuce or anything? If so, what and why?

Smile and the world smiles with you..

If nothing else it makes people think you got laid? I love misguided people and gosh let’s face it, the planet is simply groaning with them but why (whyyyyy!?) do they all seem to congregate around me?

What the $#@! is she on about? Well, I dunno really. Bear with me and we’ll see where this goes cos it’s 6am and I’m still half asleep. I guess I’m kind of responding to a very sweet email someone sent me after reading my last blog entry.

You see, apparently I am giving off the wrong energy to the universe 😉


SO this is to replace that post with something less “tragic” in tone to a) ensure people do not think I’m about to top myself and to b) remind the universe that I’m a liddle bit crazy but not completely there .. yet 😉

Hmm what to say, what to say .. There’s a reason I don’t tend to blog during the week – I don’t write well under time constraints, clearly!

OK I’ve got it – did you know that I’m that woman? (At 42 I suspect I am too old to call myself a girl) But I digress .. as usual..

I’m that woman. 

The one the crazy people on public transport just KNOW to sit next to cos I will talk to you if you engage with me. The one the homeless people on the streets smile at and wave. Preferably from up-wind.. Annoyingly, I’m the one kids gravitate towards too. They can smell my fear?

But that’s nothin’!

Yesterday I was walking along and some gang members (from a very nasty gang) were sauntering along. I didn’t notice them til I was almost in their personal space (which as a rule should be kept very LARGE) I looked up and smiled without really thinking and said “excuse me” and I got the sweetest smile back from this big black bad ass.

He looked as shocked as me, as we side stepped each other and kept on going – it made me smile to think I can even make gang members (who’d beat their own Mother up for a few dollars) smile! Maybe he’ll be nicer to his girlfriend for a few days, who knows!

I kinda like the idea of random things like that. We have a few character homeless people in the city I live and they all know me cos I sneak them drinks (coffee or energy – not bourbon! lol) or sandwiches every now and then. And they are just so surprised each time. OK so they’re coked out of their tiny minds and don’t recognise me: That’s why they’re surprised? 😉

Without wanting to sound Pollyanna-ish, I do love the notion of smiling at the world. Of course, some days when the world has taken a dump on you from a great height, this aint easy to achieve but most days, I find it’s a nice way to be.

Yesterday was a dump-day no two ways about it .. Today I’m gonna rock on out there and see what happens (got my hard hat and brolley just in case) 😉 Happy daze everyone, it’s time to go to work!

I hate you all and want to cry (rhymes with die but saying that just seemed overly dramatic)

So, who wants to cheer me up and how will you do so? Points awarded for originality .. sending gifts is acceptable, email me for my addy lol .. Ah fuckit I am trying to be grumpy, shut up woman .. you all suck *grumbles*

Tis the season my arse..

You people have NO idea how hard it is being single!

WHAT – and I think I genuinely want to try and understand this – gives someone the right to think they can ask someone who’s single “Soo .. (get the tone right k, pity meets patronising is crucial here) what are you going to do about it then, dear?”

Like one might to someone who’s bought the wrong fucking flavoured ice cream for their dinner party ie just pop down to the local store and grab the one I need, thanks.

A girl could go off this time of year, after fielding yet another annual phone call from yet another idiot relative (woman) in my family. In this case we have a woman who’s lived a completely insular life and has NO friggen clue about the world now (she’s in her late 50’s, never worked other than to have a baby and be married since age 20) nor – perhaps more annoying – does she even remotely understand ME.

Cos you know what, people?

I’ve got no fucking idea what I am going to do about it but for all that? I’m not exactly sitting on my fat arse doing nothing.

I support myself in a very nice lifestyle. Sure, I work 60+ hours a week but I LIKE it and I party anytime anyone asks me to, within the work constraint. I am sociable, I am friendly .. I don’t make small children cry when I venture out in public. Unless they annoy me and I am mean to them 😉

The thing is I wonder if people would rock up to a recovering alcoholic who’s gone to their first AA meeting (after realising they’re ripe for change) and go “hey, about the whole drinking thing” .. NO they wouldn’t. In the same way people do not approach overweight people and go “dude, take it easy with the pies k”.

Cos ya know what? (Deja vu lol)

WE FUCKING KNOW WE’RE MIXED UP!

We know we’ve got issues.
We know we need to change.
We know we can do better.

WE KNOW YOU WORRY ABOUT US.

But ya know what? (Jackass)

We aint exactly having a laugh a minute time where we’re at, either be it at AA, Weightwatchers, the gym or immersed in the love life scene. And your inane and misguided comments DO NOT HELP our cause so hows about you fuck the hell off and go back to your sorry little existence and leave me the hell alone.

I did warn it’d be a category 4, yes?

Sorry. Lots of foul language. Lots of anger. Lots of hurt actually cos really .. and I’m struggling not to cry as I type this – I so do not need YOUR shitty views, I can do the soul searching and questioning fine all by myself..

Merry Fucking Christmas.

Rant time (Category 4)

My current mood would easily rate a 4 on the Hurricane warnings scale. I am going to go out for a bike ride (it’s windy as hell here so that will be a good way to burn off some of my temper lol) and then I am going to come back and get drunk and THEN (hah something to look forward to!) I am going to post what has fired me up so bad. Suffice to say I’m very cross!! OOOOH!$#@!!

Alone again? Naturally!

So I had an epiphany honest to god slap me upside the head early today. And I mean early, it’s 5am here as I type this and apartments are generally morgue-like very peaceful at that time of day. Anyhoo, I was thinking about the fact that I had no one in my apartment with me and felt a twinge (just a tiny one, mind!) of alone-ness.

Not loneliness, that is by far a worse thing to feel .. Alone-ness is more a feeling of “hmm, I’m alone” vs. “$#@!* I’m lonely!”

Initially, I thought I was a little sad about being alone, or of noticing that I was alone.. Then I stepped it through til finally I asked myself the question: “what would be going on in my apartment if I had a man around?” and I had to laugh..

Cos if we weren’t having sex, sleeping or eating a meal, we’d most likely be doing our own things anyway i.e. It’s not exactly like I would be that much less alone because he’d be at golf, the office or playing angry birds on his iPad while I did my thing.

I suspect what bought on this moment of “doubt” is a phone call I had yesterday, with a particularly annoying relative (I have several!) who was doing her annual “phone and say acerbic things in a sweet voice (to the problem-niece that no one understands), then wish her a merry Christmas and not talk to her again til next Dec” thing.

This horrid woman is thrice divorced and spends the bulk of her time trying to source husband #4.

In the course of the conversation.. we covered off how busy I’d been recently and she made the comment “well it’s nice you have friends, dear. Being alone is just so .. unpleasant.”

I actually had to stop myself from snorting at the delicate pause to convey how simply distasteful she found being uncoupled to be.

Surviving her call, I poured myself a stiff drink and then got to thinking a bit more about the whole living alone vs. living with a mate thing. Because I am going to put it out there (universe, bear with me k I’m female viz I may change my mind on this at some point so perhaps don’t be too quick on delivery!) that maybe I don’t want a mate.

As I’ve said before, maybe I do not have the type of personality to be a good significant other, wife, partner – call it what you will. I know I LOVE my alone time and my cat and just being able to do what I want (what, not whom – behave!) when I want etc. Those things are important to me.

Being independent is important too.

Sure, I’d love to have someone care about me but in my experience the caring is either insufficient so I feel unloved (in which case I ask that oh-so-dangerous Q: “Why do I have this guy around?”) or it’s too much / overbearing and I start to feel trapped, hating every moment til it ends in tears and we go our separate ways. I really seem to struggle to find that happy middle ground.

It’s been said of me many a time, that I am an all or nothing girl and this is great when applied to things like careers or .. well, to anything but relationships, I suspect.

Cos relationships that are successful have to allow compromise. Not in a negative way, but more in the way that any partnership has elements of give and take – be it colleagues in a board meeting, a group of friends deciding which place to go dine at or a man & a woman who’ve decided to do the couple thing..

In the breakup earlier this year, my partner told me that I “lurched from crisis to crisis in my life”- a statement I disagree with 100%.. My life is not a crisis, it’s a bunch of experiences – some good / some bad. That’s what happens when you don’t hide in a safe place and subsist. Sometimes you take risks and they pay off. Sometimes they do not. The way I see it, you extract from every experience whatever lessons you can (even if it’s only “I didn’t enjoy this” .. that’s a lesson you learned!) and you move on.

Maybe the lesson I am starting to slowly comprehend is that whilst I do not like being half of something average, I am also not destined to be one half of something fabulous..
I wonder ..

Cheery Pissed Miss

Christmas is a fantastic time of year when it comes to social events .. I love it! The rest I can take or leave but the parties, I adore. My regular readers may have picked up on the absence of posts this last couple of weeks – this is largely due to that fact that I’m either going out, planning on going out .. Or recovering from going out 😉

Right now I’m in recovery mode, following the company xmas shingdig that totally went off last evening!

Dressed appropriately .. (It is Christmas after all..)

I made my way to a regular haunt for lunch with a friend. “Wait on a minute!” I can hear you saying .. this is a post about the company xmas party – why are you talking about going out to lunch?

Well a gal’s gotta eat! Keep up will you .. geez!

Now the plan was to go have a nice ladies lunch, then head back to work til the party started at 5.30pm. How does the saying go? Oh yeah “the best laid plans”. Indeed..

You see, it was sunny and warm at lunchtime. We sat outside in the sun and drank a lovely bottle of wine whilst eating our gorgeous lunch. It was very relaxing and a nice way to set the scene for the evening ahead…

As happens in a small town, a few other people turned up over an hour or two and of course – joined us but yeah well, all that means is that all of a sudden it was 7pm and I’d been drinking solidly since 12.30. Mm, I know..

Not to be deterred (more to the point I’d received more than a few abusive texts from colleagues demanding to know where I was!) I finally parted company with my lunch friends and made my way to the party around 7.30pm.

By made, I mean staggered ..

FYI staggering upstairs is no mean feat but that’s not the point .. suffice to say, I got there .. I walked in and promptly rocked up to the bar. Awright, open and free bar … my idea of heaven.

I said I was getting drinks for a group and stumbled away with 4 glasses of champagne (shhh it hurts when I laugh damnit) had a guzzle, then went in search of my pals.

Sadly, they had not been drinking since 12 o’clock, like I had. So I suspect they knew I was 3 sheets to the wind but mercifully they’re polite types and said nothing. Which left the floor open for me to say all kinds of shit and as you all know – I am totally good for that! *sigh*

Without going into gory details, I have this vague memory of blathering away to a high ranking govt official. I think I could see fear in his eyes, but hey maybe he was just thirsty? I am also pretty sure I invited myself to move to Mexico with a very hot chick from finance. Dear god let her be straight and hungover today or I’m in SO much trouble.

As with the best parties I got up this morning and did the whole “hmm what happened..?” musing. Generally this involves checking my iPhone to see who had been the (lucky, of course .. snort) recipient of my drunken texts, going thru my wallet and checking out my receipts and then (always last) checking the camera folder on my phone (ugh) ..

Tis fair to say I was ever so slightly surprised to find my clothes on the floor of the bedroom were soaking wet. I like to think it was something to do with the rain we had overnight and not the fact this party was on the waterfront *grimace* I then walked into my kitchen and found a knife on the floor.. A pile of dishes on the bench .. And some egg shells on the couch. WTF?

Yeah well refer to earlier statement: A gal’s gotta eat! I vaguely recall being ravenously hungry when I got home and deciding to make myself some eggs and toast around 3am. Whoever said “don’t drink and drive” has NO idea .. the real risk is gas cooking under the influence of 1856 glasses of bubbles 😉

Ah well, it can always be worse .. least I woke up at home, in my own bed as opposed to this:

Right??? 😉

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