How shit do I feel, right about now?

“Were you ever what you said?” Ouch..!

Life sure does have a ‘funny’ way of messing with us at times, doesn’t it!

So I made a fairly big deal of taking my engagement ring off on Friday and was actually at peace with the space I was moving into..  Having enjoyed some ‘me’ time, very much regrouping – both mentally and emotionally, over the past few weeks.

I was lucky in many ways, in that my break up was uncomplicated. It was my decision to end the relationship but not an easy one, for all I carried it out like it was. In my experience it pays to turn emotions off during a break up, saves a bunch of drama and regrets after the fact.

As well, both my ex and I are very much opposed to dramas so for all he was devastated when I told him, there was a few days of awkward emails exchanged and then we set to sorting out the untangling of almost 8yrs together.

Stiff upper lip and all that – we’re both of British descent lol

Even the splitting of our assets was done amicably. For example: I had something he’d been given as a 21st gift by a close family member and I shipped it back to him. He had a few things of mine and did the same. It was “nice”, in as much as this sort of thing can be.

Like I said, we’re both anti-drama.
Lazy, perhaps? 😉

I’ve heard from him a couple of times in recent weeks, a happy christmas wish and an update about some mutual friends of ours he’d seen at New Years. But for some reason today I woke up to an email from him.

And in it he’d embedded the song I’ve put in this post up top and then finished his email with this one:

As I’m moving into a very clear head space, looking forward and thinking about my future it seems he’s doing some soul searching too. Now to work out how the hell to reply, because he asked a bunch of questions that I would like to reply to..

I have to confess, I cried as I listened to the lyrics of both songs. Poor man .. I hate to think that I made him feel this way.

Now, could someone please pass me some tequila? This is not champagne drinking music 😦

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About lifeinthefarcelane

Giving life the shake down it so richly deserves.

Posted on January 15, 2012, in Change, Grief, Humour, Life, Love, Relationships, Stress and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 27 Comments.

  1. When my ex and I ended things, this was the one thing I asked him to never ever do. I told him flat out that if he ever changed his mind, decided it was a mistake, to not ever tell me. I didn’t want to know, still don’t in fact. And that was before I realized how much happier I am now that we’re not together.

    I’d like to think I’ve seen enough of you through this blog (and comments on mine) to know that you tend to have reasons for your decisions, and this likely wasn’t any exception. It’s up to you whether you really want to go into that drama-inducing situation of answering whatever questions he asked, but including those videos was a blatant attempt on his part to play on your emotions. Whatever his regrets, I’m not a big fan of people who do that kind of thing to others.

    • Yeah I agree, telling someone you want them never a good idea (after the split, I mean)

      I think the issue is he never changed his mind .. I ended it .. he’s always said he wanted me back and that he was devastated I chose to end it yadda yadda ..

      I appreciate your comment, and am as yet undecided on what I will say or do.

      Sometimes being “a bitch” is easier because then the man can get mad and move on. I just struggle to do that to him cos he’s not a wanker..

      • I did that once. I had an ex who would call me *almost every god-damned day* to, get this, cry on the phone. Seriously. I’d pick up and say hello and all I’d hear was him sobbing. I was patient and nice for weeks about it for the same reason, I chose to end it and he wasn’t a wanker (love that term btw). Finally, though, I lost that patience and yelled into the phone “Are you a man or a child? Fuck off and grow up!” and then hung up. No more crying phone calls at least, though I do feel a little guilty for going quite that far. Oops.

        That said, there are times in life where you do need to channel your inner bitch, as I like to put it, if only for defensive reasons.

  2. There was a reason you left and ended things in the first place. I seem to recall reading you were not in love with him in the way you should be to consider a lifelong partnership……. Having moved forward, by choice and beginning to find your way into a forward looking and thinking headspace it is uncanny something like this hits at exactly this time.

    Before you answer, ask yourself what your answers will accomplish. If it causes more hurt – why bother. Just because the past comes knocking, there is no reason you have to invite it in – especially when you have been closing doors!! If you drag what doesn’t work around, there is less space for what might!!

    • Love that = past coming knocking line thank you! It’s a good point .. I’m usually pretty good at wedging furniture up against it so I can’t reopen it but this one caught me unawares.. not the least cos of the bloody timing of what I’ve been feeling this weekend lol ..

  3. Okay, now that Julie has opened the door: I was thinking emotional manipulation, too. But being new to this blog and not knowing anything about him, I wasn’t going to mention it. And my reaction says a lot about my recent split.

    • I don’t know anything about him either, Unconfirmed, but the inclusion of such blatantly emotional songs so gratuitously, well, it set off alarm bells for me. I had someone do that to me once, for one thing. For another, the ex could have asked his questions without that (thus they’re gratuitous) and kept the situation as an adult, “I would like information” situation. He’s clearly chosen not to do that.

      And, since I’m writing this, I’d like to add that I agree with Magg, the timing seems highly suspicious, given the last post here.

      • oh hell do you suppose he’s found my blog, you mean?

        There is NO way anyone would know this was my blog.. I don’t give away anywhere near the sort of info that could make someone make a connection .. I think??

      • Sometimes it’s just coincidence. That happens in real life. I’m just suspicious by nature when it does.

        As for the rest, you know him better than we do. Knowing he used to do stuff like that before you split, well, I’m a little less inclined to think it was necessarily emotional manipulation. But definitely remember that you closed that door for a reason.

      • I will employ my most useful tool at a time like this “Do nothing” .. while I think about how best to handle this one!

        During the actual break up I found if I extracted the facts from his emails and responded to those we got on track quite well. Vs trying to respond to the emotive stuff. But this entire email is emotive so I’m screwed )

    • He’s a music lover, so without wanting to defend him .. maybe those songs just spoke to him? He used to send me links to songs all the time.. when he’d be struggling to express something he would use music.. so it could be a bit of both perhaps. He is a masterful manipulator, to be fair so yeah I dunno .. how’s that for eloquent 😉

  4. Don’t stop yourself now. You’re in a Ferrari, about to take off, and forgot to close the door. Close the door and drive very very fast, Fred!

  5. I had it happen to me too, Julie. My ex wrote a song about me, recorded it, and posted it all over Facebook, including on the pages of some of my relatives.

    “You’re in a Ferrari, about to take off, and forgot to close the door. Close the door and drive very very fast, Fred!”

    Right on, Edward!

  6. I say growth is always good. Whether there is any possibility of reconnection or not.. It’s nice to know he thinks of you.

    • Oh I know he thinks of me .. it makes me feel like shit lol ..

      I guess that’s the problem with ending a relationship before you start to hate the other half .. you still feel for them..

      Sod this, I’m off to go lay in the sun on the roof and read a book..

  7. at least you did it before the divorce lawyers would be around to get their pound of flesh. continue…

  8. I’m sorry you have to deal with all that. My last break-up was painful because I felt so guilty for making him so upset. It’s never easy. I think it’s great that you’re doing what you know is right rather than continuing the relationship.

    • I think in a weird way it’s kinda nice to feel guilty or to not want to hurt them.. however, I know lots of people who are only with someone to this day because they’re too much of a coward to do the deed and take the drama that always comes with such a thing.. So we’re very brave to do it, well done us! 🙂

  9. You’ve made your decision and it was the right one for you. You can’t control what another person does. He’s hurting, of course. But you broke up with him in an honorable way. Feel good about yourself.

    • I worked out why he’s hurting too .. so that helps not be so mad at the way he’s acting..

      At the end of the day I can know that what I did was right for me and as painless as I could make it, for him.

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